Papa Ganondorf
by The Evil Critic From Hell
Summary: 17-year old Ganondorf is determined to prove himself as the greatest Prince of Thieves in history... No, the greatest male Gerudo to ever be born! However, there's a rather harsh rift in his plans when he finds himself the sudden guardian of a 4-year old Princess Zelda, and she dares call him 'Papa!
1. Welcome to Parenthood

**Hello everyone. For those who know my other current story, Beautiful Blades, I must inform you that I am not taking a break from it. However, I simply wanted to write this. It should help keep those creative juices flowing, especially since I hit a rough patch with my other story.**

 **The land of Hyrule for this story is a hybrid of several Hyrules from different games. Regardless, I hope you enjoy my new story.**

 **Some of you may notice I rewrote this chapter a bit. I wasn't happy with my previous attempt at this chapter, so I edited it.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Lesson 1: Welcome to Parenthood

There are many stories out there. Some about great heroes of old who go on epic quests to seek the maiden or the buried treasure. Others are about scandalous romances with unrealistic expectations and descriptive vocabulary on rather…. steamy things. And many are about your crazy uncle who once ate a sponge out of the trash can on a dare.

But not this story.

This is a story about a young man named Ganondorf.

He is a 6 foot 2 inch boy on the verge of his 18th year with flaming red hair with a personality to match, and he still had a bit of a growth spurt left in him. He was the prince, soon to be king, of the Gerudo Tribe of the desert wasteland of the ancient kingdom of Hyrule, and he knew he was destined for greatness… despite his rather delayed development on common sense.

He had a standard upbringing that any child would have. Taught how to steal, how to cut a purse, determining the worth of something before you attempt to take the object, the usual. As a child of a tribe of thieves, this was standard. And as the only male to be born to the tribe in a hundred years, he was treated like the royalty he was.

His mothers, the current leaders of the tribe, gave him much encouragement as he grew up.

"You are descendant of a long line of great kings, boy," his mothers often told him. "So that pathetic excuse of a shot at the target was barely worth our time. Again, boy!"

Ganondorf had plans. He would become the greatest King of the Gerudos of all time, so great that even his mothers would be proud. His name would become something to fear; a shadow from the desert, a name that caused even the most powerful of men to tremble at the thought of the great Ganondorf coming. And as he approached his eighteenth birthday, Ganondorf could only feel his destiny come closer and closer.

How right, and wrong, he was.

And here is where the story begins: in the desert, where two groups of very different people were about to meet, and the path of destiny would begin for the young prince.

* * *

"What's going on up there? Why did we stop?" a voice asked with harsh demand. The man behind the voice pulled back the tarp that covered the front of the wagon to glare at the two men driving. "This isn't the place to being do this! We need to press on!"

One of men turned and pressed a figure against his lips. "Jared said he heard something," he said in a loud whisper, shaking with nerves. Jared himself was holding still, looking across the desert sands with his eyebrows furrowed.

The man in the back joined him in the search for the sound. The sands looked empty…. Empty and dead. "…. Is it the royal army?" he asked, leaning out farther of the opening.

"I don't think so," his companion answered, looking over his shoulder. "They don't usually venture into the Haunted Wasteland. That's why we even dared to venture this way in the first place."

Jared, still tensed, joined in with a serious expression. "… But you forget, Alan," he said to the man next to him, "that with our 'cargo' they may be willing to come out this far."

The man in the back growled, his hand clenching into a fist. "If they catch us before we completed our mission…."

"They won't, Al," Alan reassured, before looking up anxiously at Jared. "…. Right?"

The man didn't reply as he looked over the dunes, his hand over his eyes to protect them from the sandstorm. Seeing nothing, he rubbed his eyes with his right hand. "… Perhaps I'm just hearing things…"

Alan looked relieved as Al frowned. Something didn't sit right with him. "Then get going, the longer we sit still the higher the chance of us of getting caught," Al commanded before drawing the tarp closed again. Jared and Alan looked at each other before Jared snapped the reigns and clicked his tongue to get the horse moving. Al was the unspoken leader of this group. After all, he had the most experience out of all of them. Hearing the command, the beast stamped its foot before it began walking.

Unknown to these three men, Jared's hearing at been spot on. If they had trusted in what Jared had heard a bit more, then perhaps what was to happen next could have been avoided. Or perhaps this was a fate designed by the gods themselves. Many perhaps, many maybes, but regardless of what could have been, what was about to happened next would change the course of many lives in the most surprising of ways.

Especially for the young, thieving prince that was about to jump the wagon.

The moment the three men had started to pull forward, the thieves made their move. Emerging from their hiding place in the sand, they gave a cry and charged forward on their steeds. As many as ten of them were at full gallop in only a few moments.

Seeing the ambush, Alan gripped the wagon's wood with a cry. "GERUDO!" he roared. In the back, Al let out a horrified gasp. He knew it; this was their territory after all. It did not surprise them that they were so close. Fearing the safety of those in the back, he grabbed a figure in the back with him and held them close. "Better hang on," he said as calmly as possible.

Jared already had forced the horse to move as fast as it could as soon as he heard the cries. "I knew it!" the man growled. The horse rushed towards the next post that pointed out of the shifting sands, but the Gerudo were gaining fast. "Where's the next one?!" Jared yelled at Alan.

After a panicked moment, Alan spotted the next marker. "There!" he pointed. He knew it was vital that they remain on course; else they would be lost in the desert. It was the fate of those who entered the Haunted Wasteland who did not follow the safe passage.

They managed to climb over the sand dune to the next marker, temporarily out of sight of their attackers. The thieves had begun their attack from a rather large distance, but it didn't matter. They would catch up, it was clear.

Jared blinked as he saw through the haze a small, stone building. "What the… Al, there's a building ahead of us!" he called out as they approached it. Al poked his head out to see it, and got an idea. "Stop at it, quickly!"

Jared did as he was told, and Alan jumped out with the figure in one arm, and a large chest over his other shoulder. Al was a huge man, doing this was not a problem. Hoisting the figure higher, he ran towards the building.

"What are you doing?!" Alan yelled after him.

"Those thieves are going to catch up, we can't escape! You two keep going, keep them off our trail!" As Al said this, he ran into the building.

He could hear the wagon pull away. They knew the risks when they entered the desert… Al had just hoped that they could have avoided them. But this was Gerudo territory; they most likely knew that they were here since they arrived. If that was the case, it was amazing that got as far as they did before they attacked.

The building was full of jars and chests, many of them buried in the sand after years of being subjected to the fierce weather and neglect. Al placed the chest on the ground. He flipped open the chest and removed the clothing that was inside before placing the figure inside the chest.

He smiled at the person. "Now do as I say. Just curl inside here and do not move or say a word until I open the chest. Got it?" The figure nodded and curled in the chest. Al threw the clothing over them and improperly snapped the chest shut. He threw some dirt over the chest, before ducking behind the doorway. His hand rested on the hilt of his sword, and he waited.

It was not long when he heard the sound of horses pull up through the sand. He could hear that the Gerudo had caught up and were outside. They were so close he could hear the sound of the horses' breath above the howling wind. He heard women's voices. Of course. Gerudo were only women. An entire tribe of beautiful, and dangerous, women.

"They must have gone off that way! Quickly!" one of them proclaimed. "Let's get our prize, ladies!" With a hoot and a cheer, they chased after Jared and Alan.

Alan waited a few minutes, glad to see that their plan seemed to work. He wanted to be sure that they had gone off. He hoped the men would be ok, but if they failed their mission… they would be dead anyways. After hearing only the wind howling for a while, he let out a sigh and stood.

As soon as he did so, a voice broke out. "Heh heh, that was a clever trick," a young man's voice suddenly laughed, causing Al to reach for his sword again in surprise. He had not heard someone staying behind, and he realized quickly that he was trapped. The boy he had heard stepped into the house with a scimitar in his hand, his face covered with a long piece of fabric.

Al glared at the boy as he unsheathed his sword quickly, ready for a fight. The boy may clearly be young, but that didn't mean he wasn't skilled, especially if he was from the desert. The boy pulled the cloth off his face to reveal a smug grin. "I'm just a lot cleverer."

The older man eyes went a bit wide. Red hair, golden eyes, darker skin… There was no question, a Gerudo but, "… A male Gerudo." He said out loud in his surprise. He had heard of such things, that only one male was born every one hundred years, but he did not know that such a male existed at this time.

The boy only grinned more when he heard that. "Heh, stating the obvious. I think I gave you too much credit about your intelligence." He pointed his weapon towards Al. "Now, Hylian, drop your sword. I'm not interested in hurting you. Yet." The sparkle in his eyes told Al that this Gerudo boy was enjoying this. "I'm just interested in your valuables. I wonder what you are hiding for you to separate from your pals to throw us off the track. Hand them over, and you can enjoy the rest of your day."

 _I can't let him figure out about the chest…_ Al stood there, sword still up, glancing over the boy with a vicious stare.

Seeing Al not back down, the Gerudo laughed. "Standing up to the Prince of the Desert. I like you, old man. But I'm not used to being disobeyed. Drop that pathetic piece of metal you call a sword and do as I command."

Letting out a small sigh, Al began to lower his weapon. The boy gave a nod. "Good, now…."

He didn't get to finished as Al suddenly rushed the boy, ready to deliver a powerful blow. As he towered over the boy, he swung his arm down to take him out, when he felt a sharp whack at the back of his head, and he slipped into darkness.

He fell to the ground as the boy put his sword back at his waist. "Oh, you thought I came alone? Pathetic Hylian." He grinned as his companion as she wiped her hands. "Good work, Nabooru."

Nabooru, a beautiful Gerudo girl around Ganondorf's age, gave him a cold, unamused stare. "You shouldn't lie, Ganondorf. Since when does anyone obey you?"

He ignored her as he crouched next to the body. He was used to her sharp tongue, even if he disliked the disrespect she should him. That's what he got for having a childhood friend come along on this misson. "Well, let's see what we have here…" He reached into Al's pockets, and checked all the bags. He pulled his hand out, frowning. "Nothing? Seriously?"

Nabooru snickered. "I guess they were cleverer than you!" Nabooru laughed. "Since you fell for the decoy!"

"Gr, be quiet, woman," Ganondorf growled. He stood and glanced out towards the sands whipping by in the intense wind. "The others should have caught the wagon, so we should find something useful from this lot."

"Stop calling me that, it's so disrespectful," Nabooru said with her hands on her hips. Ganondorf turned his cheek the other way with a small 'hmph' before plopping down on the floor to wait for the others to return.

When he becomes king, he was going to say whatever he wanted, and stop all this backtalk, that was for sure.

Nabooru gave a small smile as the two of them sat at the building's doorway. Ganondorf dug into the dirt with his toe, arms folded across his chest in a silent pout at being unsuccessful at his end.

 _Damn it, I hope the others don't tell my mothers about this,_ he thought to himself. They were already angry at him for not being vicious enough towards his last victims. He will prove to them that he wasn't a washed up thief like they said he was.

Ten minutes later, the Gerudo on their horses pulled up next to the pair with the wagon behind them. The two men from before were gone. Probably knocked out somewhere out in the desert, but not that Ganondorf really cared much. Ganondorf and Nabooru stood. "Well?" Ganondorf asked, peering past one of the horses to look at the wagon. "Anything worth our time?"

"Just some necessities, young prince. Food, water, blankets and clothing, and some oil," one of the women responded. Then she smiled under her veil. "And, of course, a new horse and wagon."

It wasn't too bad of a catch. "Well, not bad. Won't make us rich, but useful," Ganondorf mumbled. The stakes aren't high enough…. If only he was allowed to venture out of the desert, then he could steal something really valuable. Like gold and silver. A crown, maybe!

Nabooru pointed at the knocked out man behind her. "Still, what were these men doing out here so far from home? I thought they would be carrying something extremely valuable for them to brave the wastelands."

That was true. Ganondorf looked at the fallen man, having been wondering that himself. It was not easy getting into the wastelands. There was a natural barrier of quicksand that guarded the desert's entrance, followed by blistering winds and blinding sands. Whoever these men where, they had known about the barrier, and clearly prepared for it. However they managed to get a wagon past the barrier was still a mystery.

Something was going on for these men to take such extreme measures. Probably just Hylian nonsense, Ganondorf decided. It has nothing to do with him.

He shrugged off the thoughts. "Hmph. It's not our concern. Let's just get this stuff…. Home…" Ganondorf's voice trailed off as he spotted the chest Al had tried to blend in with the rest of the junk. "… Heh, I guess this scarred-geezer _was_ pretty clever."

"What?" Nabooru asked as Ganondorf strolled over to the chest and crouched in front of it.

He ran his hand across the wood carefully, then rubbed the sand that had collected on his fingers together near his eyes. As he suspected, this sand had been loosely thrown over it. "See this? It's dusty, but it's not buried in sand. And it's in pretty good shape, with footprints all around it. I can't believe I didn't notice it before." His hand paused at the chest's edge as he realized. "That guy wasn't the decoy! This is probably what they were trying to hide!" A grin grew on his face. This is probably why they were so far into the desert. Whatever was in this chest was the answer. And it would probably make him rich.

The women began to whisper excitingly; they loved a good catch as much as Ganondorf did. "Then open it!" Nabooru said as she ran over and crouched next to him. Ganondorf fumbled with the latch for a few minutes before giving up with a frustrated sigh. "It's jammed." As if the man didn't close it properly in a hurry.

Ganondorf struggled with the latch for several more minutes, his fingers fumbling in frustration, until one of the women hopped off her horse.

"That's enough, Ganondorf," a woman said, looking a bit irritated. She was hungry and wanted to get home. She indicated to the new wagon behind her. "We'll just load it up in the wagon and break it open at home."

"Quiet, you don't tell me what to do," Ganondorf said harshly, standing up and folding his arms across his chest. After a moment of silence, he pointed to some women closest to him. "Pick it up and put it on the wagon! We are taking it home!"

A few women rolled their eyes, and Nabooru shook her head and sighed, but they did as they were told.

It took two women to pick it up. They were surprised by the weight. It was heavy, but there was very little shifting of items inside. It only added to their excitement as to what it could be. Ganondorf was also just as excited, if not more so. He had stolen many valuables over the years from many people, but this may be his biggest and greatest find yet!

Ganondorf viciously grinned to himself, raising and lowering his fist in a 'yes' gesture when no one was looking.

At this point yet, he had no clue as to the magnitude of his find. Or just how extremely crazy his life was about to become.

* * *

The women and the prince returned home to their barren valley after a few hours. They approached the closed wooden gate that blocked their home. Once, a long time ago, this had been the only way into the desert. No one remembers when that changed, but it makes it harder to control who went in and out of their territory, like those men from today.

It would normally be concerning that they invaded the Gerudo territory, but they weren't the first, and they certainly weren't going to be the last, so the tribe thought nothing extra of it other than free supplies.

Seeing the group arrive, a guard waved from her post high up, then yelled something inaudible from where Ganondorf stood towards unseen women behind the gate. Ganonorf stood close to the entrance, his hand on his hip and a massive grin on his face. Wait till the women see what he got today. It had to be good, whatever it was. Oh ho, his mothers were going to be so proud.

After a moment, the gate was raised and the group ran in with their newly-acclaimed goods. The Gerudo that had stayed behind crowded them, curious to see the new treasures. "Whoa, a new horse!" the stable master exclaimed, running her hands over the beauty. She pressed her cheek against the beast's soft hair. "You will be perfect for us."

The rest weren't so excited about the clothing, but were ecstatic about the oil. Useful and valuable, it was a nice catch. As the women clambered to unload the wagon, Ganondorf got Nabooru's attention. "Grab that chest, and bring it to the main hall. And you!" he ordered another woman, "Get something to break the latch!"

Working together, Ganondorf and Nabooru got past the crowd and carrying the box carefully (as to keep the treasure inside in good shape) to the main hall, with many following closely. A few of the women were already telling the others the story behind the box, getting everyone excited.

The stable master ran her hands over the horse, surprised by how calm it was being around the new people. She stroked its neck, keeping it calm as she checked its shoe to see the condition it was in. "You are certainly a breed from Hyrule…." Then she saw the shoe itself.

No way. This wasn't good. "Wait, Prince Ganondorf!" the stable master cried, handing the reigns over to another and rushing after him. He and Nabooru stopped, Nabooru looking surprised as Ganondorf looked pissed. He wasn't happy about being delayed to see his treasure.

"What is it?" he growled. "Whatever it is, it can wait."

The stable master waited to breathe before she explain the situation. "This horse is from the Royal Army."

Nabooru's eyes went wide at the news. "What? Are you sure?" Nabooru asked. "Those men didn't look like they were from the army…. They had no armor, no crests, no sign of being connected to the Hyrulean Army at all."

"Of course I'm sure!" the woman cried, looking insulted that she was doubted. "The breed matches the preferred breed, as well as the craftsmanship of the shoe. No doubt about it."

Ganondorf let out a hefty sigh. He really didn't want to waste time on this matter. He wanted to know what he found today, and even if these men were from the Royal Army, he didn't care. "No man or woman from the army would dare tread here, and you know it. Those men probably stole it or something. Maybe the army sold it. Heck, maybe the horse isn't from the army and the shoes are." He shot the woman a deathly glare. "So get back to tending it before I get real angry. Let's go, Nabooru."

The stable master glared back with complete defiance, but the prince had a point. He was young and still had a lot to learn before he was to be king, but he wasn't completely stupid like his mothers say he is.

Nabooru and Ganondorf finally reached the hall and set the chest down as the woman from before ran over with a study piece of metal. Snatching it out of her hands, Ganondorf let out a deep laugh. "There's something great in this chest, I know it!"

All the women had gathered at this point as he had said this. He slipped the metal between the wood of the chest and the latch carefully, barely getting it to fit. Nabooru braced the chest as Ganondorf pushed on the metal like a lever, letting out small grunts as he applied a great amount of force. It didn't take much before the latch popped open.

Everyone held their breath as Ganondorf flipped open the chest with pure excitement to see… clothes. He blinked. He closed the chest and opened it again, staring right at the bundle of unfolded clothes that were right at the brim of the chest.

Nabooru peeked around the chest's lid to see why Ganondorf was just standing there. "…. Ah." She stared with him for a moment, before covering her mouth to still a fit of giggles.

"What? What is it?" a woman called from the back of the room.

"Clothes…" Nabooru managed to say while trying to stifle her laughter.

The room started to fill with the growing sound of laughter as the Gerudo couldn't contain it anymore. Clothes! Once again, the great future King of the Gerudo found something amazing! Threads and embroidery! Ganondorf's shoulders began to shake with rage as the laughter continued to get louder. At last, he turned to snap at them.

"Shut it! This was heavy, there was to be more!" Why would those men go so far to protect a stupid chest of clothes?! Besides, there was no way clothing was that heavy. Stomping behind the chest, he wrapped his arms around it to pick it up and flipped it over, dumping out the contents. He didn't care anymore about keeping whatever was inside in good shape.

If only there could be a picture of everyone's faces, especially Ganondorf's, when a little blonde girl tumbled out of the chest right onto the pile of clothes. She was sleeping, apparently having gotten comfortable among the clothing and having no problem with having been carried everywhere, with her thumb in her mouth.

The prince froze, along with everyone else. The laughter stopped instantly. No one moved at the sight of a Hylian child in the middle of their main hall, sucking her thumb and napping like there hadn't been a problem at all. It was quiet for a few moments as everyone was too shocked to say anything or do anything.

It was Nabooru who finally broke the silence. "Hey look…. A toddler."

The girl shifted, her eyes opening slowly. Ganondorf stiffened more as she sat up and looked up at him, rubbing her blue eyes with her tiny hands. She looked him up and down through her eyelashes, still quiet sleepy.

And in a small, confused voice, she spoke. "…. Papa?"

And that was when the room completely erupted in laughter as Ganondorf had turned stone-like in complete horror at being called Papa by this tiny, blond girl he found in a box.

His mothers were _not_ going to be proud. At all.

* * *

The girl sat in a Gerudo's lap, munching on a piece of preserved fruit as Ganondorf sat at the opposite end of the room, face red in embarrassment. Ever since he got called Papa by that… that thing…. No one would let it up that he had basically kidnapped a little girl. As if he wanted to.

"Well well, I guess Ganondorf was ready for a family!" a woman laughed as another giggled with her.

"And he got such a cute one at that! He's such a softie, isn't he?"

"So much for his 'greatest achievement'…."

"Hehe…. She called him Papa."

Ganondorf gripped the sheath of his sword that was positioned between his legs, hearing all of this. "Everyone, shut up!" Of course, no one listened. This was too good to pass up, too perfect to be quiet about. He glared over at the little girl, who was dressed in rags. "Why is everyone being so calm about finding a dirty Hylian in that chest? Isn't anyone curious as to why she was in there in the first place? And why is she not in the dungeon?!" She shouldn't be sitting comfortably in someone's lap eating their good food!

"Because she's just a little girl!" Nabooru said as she folded her arms. She was standing over him, making sure he behaved himself while the little girl had her snack. "It's not her fault you messed up and kidnapped her. Don't be so cold-hearted. And of course we are curious. It's not every day you find a child in a chest of clothing."

Cold-hearted?! She's a foreigner, a child of those pointy-eared freaks who thought of themselves high and mighty! He continued to glare at the girl. This little girl ruined everything for him today, and she just kicked her little legs happily as she munched on the fruit, enjoying its sweet flavor.

He started to speak again. "So what? She's got to be someone, right? Someone important. No one would go to the lengths that those two men did just to protect some little girl," he growled.

Rolling her eyes, Nabooru disagreed openly. "Any parent would go into extreme lengths to protect their kid."

Ganondorf clicked his tongue in annoyance. As if that was true. Besides, they found a freaking child in a box, and everyone was being so calm about it. What was wrong with these women?!

Unable to take it hearing Nabooru's 'great wisdom and knowledge' anymore, he got up and stormed over. He had to know what the heck she was doing in that box, and if she was worth anything at all. "You, Hylian, what is your name?" he demanded, pointing directly at the girl as he loomed over her. " Why were you in that box?"

The girl looked up with her large blue eyes. "…." She looked at her tiny hand for a moment, before she held up her hand and put up four fingers. "Four."

Four? "W-wha…." He blinked. What did she mean, four? Was that her name? That was certainly a strange name, but then again Hylians always had strange ways…. Wait a minute. He then bent closer, gritting his teeth, realizing what she actually meant. "Not your age, shrimp, your _name._ "

The girl folded her arms. "Mr. Al swaid I can't twell my name to stwangers," she said in a matter-of-fact voice.

That was probably the man Nabooru had knocked out; the man with a scar on his cheek. Ganondorf heard snickers behind him at the girls defiance. Nabooru wished she could burn this moment into her head forever as she watched Ganondorf completely out of his element. It was a gift from the gods for her good behavior, she knew it.

Ganondorf pressed his lips together in anger at the girl's answer. "I don't care what Mr. Al said….. I'm a prince, and you have to do exactly as I say, got that? Now, tell me your name!"

"NO!" the girl suddenly screamed, causing Ganondorf to flinch at the screechy, pitchy voice. He covered his ears in pain, then mentally snapped at her stubborness. "That's it…." He reached for her, but the woman holding her suddenly protected the girl with her arms.

"You should never hit a kid, Ganondorf!" she told him. "Play nice!"

At her words, he suddenly felt all eyes… dark, angry, vicious female eyes on him. Despite his status, the glare of the angry woman still made him freeze right where he stood. Great, now this little girl got him in trouble with his own people. He pointed at the girl. "You….. That….. Gr, why are you so tiny?! That's not natural!" He lost all intelligent things to say at the girl.

"That's bwecause I'm wittle!" the girl told him, waving her finger at him. "All wittle girls are wittle!"

"That's stupid!" Ganondorf said with his hands on his hips.

"Stupid is a bad word! Say sorry!" the child commanded him.

He pulled back in shock. No one ever told him to say sorry. "Stupid is not a bad word!"

The women laughed at this childish argument as Nabooru sighed again. "What an idiot…." Well, Ganondorf has never seen a child before, at least not up close. There have been no other children after Ganondorf and Nabooru were born to their tribe. Neither one of them, especially Ganondorf, had any experience with children.

Hearing the women laugh again at him, he turned in a huff. "I'm done with this, I'm going to bed." He crossed his hands under his sleeves and stormed out of the dining hall. The girl blinked as he left. She had a look on her face as if she was deciding something. As she seemed to reach a decision, she hopped out of the lap she was in. With tiny footsteps, she ran over him, following.

Hearing the footsteps, he stopped and looked over his shoulder to see the girl. She stopped when he did, still holding that piece of fruit. He took a few more steps forward, and she began following in the same manner. He stopped again, realizing she was following him. "What do you want?" he asked, tired of looking at her.

She blinked up at him, silent. She was closely regarding him, her large eyes scanning his huge figure, as if trying to determine something about him, but Ganondorf didn't know what.

He growled and turned around properly to face her. What was wrong with this thing? Why didn't it speak when spoken to?! "What? What is it, shrimp?"

For another moment, she didn't respond again, until her face suddenly burst into a huge smile. "Like!"

Ganondorf looked dumbfounded at her words. "…Huh?" he asked, as Nabooru and a few other women caught up.

"Aw, did you hear that? The girl likes her new Daddy!" one of them said, bending down and patting the girl's head.

"No, it was Papa!" Nabooru corrected as she bent down and hugged her. "So cute!"

"Quiet! And stop giving her affection!" Ganondorf commanded, then glared at the girl. "Well, I don't like you."

For some reason, the child thought that was a joke. "Silly!" she laughed, running over and grabbing leg to hug it.

He tried to step back in surprise, shaking his leg to get the creature off. "Someone remove this thing!" he cried, sounding a bit panicked and pissed.

The women glanced at each other, until Nabooru spoke out quickly. "Actually, we've been talking. She's cute, but no one really wants to take care of a child right now. We figured that since you are the one who insisted in attacking that wagon and taking the chest, that you should care for her. It's your responsibility, so own up," Nabooru said with a huge smile. This was a lot of fun for her to break to him. She enjoyed it when he suffered a bit. "And she likes you, so it works out best."

The prince of thieves' jaw dropped. What did these idiots say?! "She's staying here?! She can't stay here!"

"Why not? No one feels like going to Hyrule to return her right now. It's too dangerous for us Gerudo. Besides, it's late. Let's just leave things as they are for now." Satisfied with this, the women began to walk away, wanting to get back to their meal, leaving him alone with the child. "Don't forget to change her clothes and feed her, ok?" one of them called back to him.

The girl was still clinging to his leg, smiling happily. "No, wait, come back!" he roared after them. "I command you to halt! Get it off, I don't want to care for it! Hey, are you listening?!"

* * *

"Hmm… I see…." A male voice said from the darkness. He opened his eyes and leaned onto his hand in irritated thought. "Those three fools failed their mission, did they?" So, the princess was still alive. And missing.

The sound of leather squeaked as a fist was clenched. "She's too dangerous to me alive… I miscalculated. When I find her, I won't make that same mistake again."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. I hope you look forward to the next chapter!**


	2. In More Ways Than One

**If you are wondering why Ganondorf may not align with his normal behavior, this is because this is a different incarnation. Remember, every Ganon/Ganondorf present in the games are actually all the same guy, in some form or another. This one is actually different. Plus, this is a different reality. I hope it doesn't turn you off to the story.**

 **Also, I purposely misspelled words Zelda says to emphasize her pronunciation.**

 **Regardless, please enjoy chapter 2.**

* * *

 **Papa Ganondorf**

Lesson 2: In More Ways Than One

The sun was beginning to rise over the desert's horizon when Ganondorf's eyes opened slowly. He reached up with his right hand and rubbed his sleepy eyes roughly as the sunlight streamed through the open window. He brushed his long hair out of his face and let out a quiet sigh as he forced himself to sit up. He looked around his room as his mind began to work.

 _Urg… what a weird dream…_ Ganondorf groaned in his head as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. The usual morning sounds could be heard; the snorts of horses as they got their usual bath, the sound of tools being sharpened, the chatter of the women outside with laughter every few minutes. Picking at the corners of his eyes, he wondered why there were higher levels of laughter this morning. What was so funny so early in the morning?

He got an answer quickly. He heard a tiny, childlike mumble next to him; a reminder that what happened yesterday was _not_ a dream. Ganondorf froze, then slowly looked over his shoulder with a look of horror on his face to see that little girl from yesterday sleeping in his bed. She was curled in the sheets, soiling them with her dirt.

His beautifully clean sheets… filthy, from grit and spoiled by an unwelcomed guest.

Her eyes fluttered open and looked up at the frozen prince. She yawned and rolled closer, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Comfy…."

All the women outside heard was a sudden cry of complete terror from one of the upper rooms. They stopped what they were doing and looked up. A few glanced at each other as they realized what had happened. One of them lifted to her hand to her mouth to snort as quietly as possible.

Nabooru had heard the cry from the dining hall. She stopped sharping her spear to look up towards the ceiling. "Ganondorf is awake." She inspected her weapon, tapping the tip to check if she had done her job right. She expected him to be running down any second now, most likely with that little girl in tow.

Sure enough, Ganondorf was soon standing at the dining hall's entrance, still in his sleeping clothes and bed hair, panting. He hadn't even bothered to put his crown on. Nabooru didn't even bother to look at him as she went back to her weapon, not satisfied with her work. She didn't need to see him to know he looked like hell. "Good morning, Ganondorf. Sleep well?"

Growling, Ganondorf stomped over and towered over her in rage. "Of course not," he growled, pointing back where had come from. "That thing was in my bed! Why was that thing in my bed?!"

Giving a sigh, Nabooru leaned back against the table she was sitting at. "You went to bed in such a huff last night that you left that girl all alone. She wanted to sleep, and since you are her 'Papa,'" Nabooru had to stop there for a moment to let out a tiny snicker at the word before she continued, "we thought it would be best if she slept with you." She chuckled again as she remembered last night. "She's a good girl, did exactly as she was told."

Before he could reply, the girl had finally caught up. Behind her, she was dragging Ganondorf's sheet like a blankie, rubbing her eye with her other hand. She looked just as messy as Ganondorf with her hair sticking out at all ends and her dress falling off slightly at the shoulders.

"Good morning!" Nabooru beamed, as Ganondorf took a step back.

"Crap, it followed me," he said in a loud whisper, raising his arm as if to guard himself from the child. Then he noticed the sheet behind her. "Hey, that's not a toy! You are getting it dirty, shrimp!"

 _So dramatic,_ Nabooru thought as she laid her weapon to the side and stood up to walk over to the girl, ignoring all of Ganondorf's comments. She crouched down in front of her, still smiling. She was enjoying Ganondorf's suffering immensely. "Did you sleep well with Papa?"

The girl blinked the sleep out of her eyes as she looked towards Ganondorf. He took another step back, hoping she wouldn't charge after him again like she had last night. She then looked back at Nabooru before glancing down a bit.

"He's not Papa…."

Such a dejected look did not get past Nabooru. She rubbed her chin as she thought of a response to give to the girl, as Ganondorf suddenly had a look of success on his face; he was quite happy to hear that the girl recognized that he was not her father.

Nabooru was not a nurturing person by nature, but she still wanted the little girl to feel safe. Despite their unfortunate dealings with Hylians, Nabooru still couldn't find it in her heart to hate them like their tribe's current leaders, especially a little girl like this one. This girl was in a strange place with strange people. Nabooru was honestly surprised with how well she was dealing with everything.

After another moment of thought, she came up with a perfect answer: one that would make the girl feel secure and also bring more suffering to Ganondorf simultaneously. "Well, not by blood," Nabooru explained, "But he's your temporary Papa!"

Curiosity replaced the girl's sad look. "Teprary?" the girl asked, mispronouncing it completely. "What's that?"

"It well… um…" Nabooru glanced up in thought as she searched for a way to explain. "Ah yes, it means just 'for now.' While you are here, he will be your Papa." How could she resist on making Ganondorf's life even more difficult than it already was? This was just a gift from the gods for her good deeds as of late.

Meanwhile, the prince of thieves grabbed Nabooru's shoulder as he loomed over her with a look of murder. "Don't teach it weird things, woman. I'm no one's Papa. Especially to a Hylian."

She brushed off his hand, deciding to let that disrespectful behavior slide. She knew she could get away with ignoring him like this; they were childhood friends after all. The girl looked between them, then sent a huge smile towards Ganondorf, as Nabooru's words clicked inside her tiny head. "Oh! I undwastand!"

"Good girl!" Nabooru said with a laugh, glad her fun got to continue. Ganondorf reached up and rubbed the bridge of his nose with irritation.

"I've had enough of this," he growled, snatching the sheet from the girl's hands. He shook the cloth in her face. "This is _not_ a plaything." He wadded it up in his hands as he barked orders at Nabooru. "I'm going to get ready for the day. Gather up some of the women, and prepare to ride. You are going to find those men and return this… thing back to them."

"What?" Nabooru moaned, standing up and folding her arms. "No way! Why don't _you_ ride? You are the one who kidnapped her, after all!"

"And normally, I would just throw her right back into the desert where I _accidently_ took her," Ganondorf correct. "So be grateful for my benevolence!"

In reality, Ganondorf's powers were still underdeveloped, so he was still terrified of his mothers. If he threw the child into the desert, they would eventually find out about it. Returning the child would make it less likely they would find out anything at all.

Nabooru picked up the little girl, frowning. "You are the one who took her. So, she is _yours_ to take care of now." Nabooru suddenly thrusted the child into Ganondorf's hands. The girl smiled happily as Ganondorf nearly dropped her in shock. He ended up holding her as far away from him as possible, a disgusted look on his face.

"Take her back!" he demanded.

Picking her spear back up, Nabooru walked out of the kitchen, humming to herself loudly, pretending not to hear.

"Hey, come back here!" he roared, but he yelled to no one. He let out an angry sigh, then glared back at the little girl he was still holding. The girl was beaming at him, swinging her feet happily.

"Why are _you_ smiling?" he asked, trying to figure out how to put her down without causing her to cry. He wouldn't mind making her cry, but that would alert everyone in the fortress, and he didn't need an army of angry women attacking him.

"Hunwey!" she proclaimed, patting her stomach.

He finally settled with dropping her on the table, relieved to no longer be touching her. "Then feed yourself, don't come telling me." He patted his chest. "Don't you get it? I am royalty! I am a prince! Do you even know what a prince is?!"

The girl nodded vigorously. "Then you should know that I do not go making food for the likes of you. If anything, you should be making _me_ food." He cleared his throat and folded his arms. "Now, listen well, Hylian. I am not your Papa. We are not even the same race, let alone the same class."

"Class?" the girl asked, tilting her head. "Race?"

"Yes, class! Yes, race!" Ganondorf told her. "I am the Prince of the Gerudos! I am not just a prince; I will be the greatest King of Thieves the world has ever seen! And you," he said, pointing directly at her. "You are commoner. Your parents are blacksmiths or shopkeepers or…."

"NO!" the girl suddenly screamed, stamping her foot. Ganondorf froze. Again, with the disobedience! Again, with the… n-o word….

"You are _not_ allowed to use that word with me!" Ganondorf commanded, but the girl refused to listen, stamping her foot again.

"NO! Papa not keeping shops!" she yelled, puffing her cheeks out and crossing her arms.

Urg, that was the problem? Ganondorf pressed the corners of his eyes with his index finger and thumb, slowly shaking his head. "I don't care what they really are. They could be farmers for all I care, that still doesn't change…"

"Papa is Papa!" she insisted, interrupting again. "Papa not keep shops! Papa and me lives in BIG castle!" she said, spreading her arms out wide to indicate just how big this castle was. "Papa keeps castle! Papa is castlekeeper!"

"Castlekeepers aren't even a thing!" Ganondorf snapped, gripping his hair in frustration. He took a deep breath and continued to explain. "So, he's a servant at the castle, like I said, I don't care! My point is you do not have the right to speak to me like you are! Why don't you understand that?!"

Instead of saying she understood, she just clapped her hands together, giggling. "You silly!"

In that instant, something snapped inside of Ganondorf. His arms fell loose at his side for a moment as he stared at this ridiculously stupid waste of flesh and the result of thousands of years of biological design. Sucking in his breath, he suddenly reached up, desiring wholeheartedly to smash her head in between his hands. His hands stopped short of her skull, his fingers writhing to do the deed. Piercing golden eyes stared into the large, innocent blue ones.

"ARG!" he yelled, pulling his hands back and stomping off to change out of his nightgown. He pushed past some guards as he found his way back to his room, slamming the door behind him in rage. What in the world did he do to deserve such punishment?!

He ripped off his gown and tossed it on the bed, not even bothering to making it nice. He muttered nonsensible words to himself as he grabbed some dried food from a bowl on a table and gave a whistle outside his window, before tossing the food out. It only fell for a moment, until it was swooped up by Helmaroc King, his young bird of prey. He landed on Ganondorf's windowsill, pressing the food down under his talons to help him tear the food apart with his beak. Ganondorf gave his head a small stroke before snatching up his clothes for the day.

Seeing the bird was a bit calming. He was small for now, able to sit on Ganondorf's arm like a falcon, but Ganondorf had a feeling the bird would get bigger.

By the time the little girl had caught up with him, Ganondorf was dressed and polishing his crown before he placed it on his head. She carefully opened the door and peered inside, as if making sure entering was safe. When she saw the bird, her eyes went wide with excitement. She pushed the door fully open and ran inside. This startled the bird and it flew off.

It also startled Ganondorf. "GAH! Arg…." He moaned unhappily when he realized it was the parasite, back to bother him again. He put the crown down on the table and picked up the girl by her clothes. Her arms and legs hung downwards rather comically as he scolded her. "What are you doing here?! This isn't your personal playroom!" Just what will it take to get RID of it?!

"Oooohhh, what that?!" she asked, pointing at the crown. "Pretty!" she exclaimed, admiring the red jewel from a distance.

"Hmph, it's not 'pretty,'" he said, puffing his chest out with pride. He put her back on the ground so he could pick the crown back up, holding it up for her to see. She may be annoying, but her annoyance was nothing compared to Ganondorf's vanity and pride of his valuables, and it distracted him. "It's majestic. Divine. Worthy of only a king! Probably the most expensive thing you have ever seen, and will ever see again. It's my crown. Since I'm royalty, I get to wear one." And with that said, he placed it carefully on his head, adjusting it so the jewel sat in the middle of his forehead just so he could prove his point.

"Ooohhhh… Me too, me too!" the girl said, jumping up and down with excitement.

He scoffed. "No way. _You_ don't get to wear one, because you aren't royalty!"

"No!" she huffed, folding her tiny arms in annoyance that he didn't get it. "I have crown too!"

Hearing that, Ganondorf suddenly laughed. He leaned against his table to laugh, clutching his side at the ridiculousness of this commoner claiming to own a crown.

Not getting the reason for his laughter, the girl started to laugh too, believing she had said something funny. The two of them laughed for nearly a minute before Ganondorf calmed down a bit.

Ganondorf wiped his eyes. "You don't have a crown… haha…" he laughed, then stopped instantly. Wait a minute, why was he laughing with this girl? She was in his room! Damn it, he got distracted. "Now get out, this is my personal room and only I am allowed inside!"

But the little girl wasn't satisfied with Ganondorf's answer. She puffed her cheeks out, shaking her head. "I do! I do have one! Papa has a bigger one, but I have one too!"

"You are just an annoying little liar, aren't you, shrimp?" Ganondorf sighed. He was going to have to call Nabooru up here and have her take the child out for him.

"I am not Shrimp!" the girl insisted, suddenly forgetting about not telling strangers her name. "I'm Zelda! Zelda! I am not Shrimp!"

In that instant, everything stopped for Ganondorf. What do you do when your entire world suddenly crashes down on you? It can be hard to figure out, hard to predict, especially since you never know what meteor of knowledge was going to tear apart the reality you live in.

In Ganondorf's case, he thought the meteor was the fact the little girl was following him around and calling him Papa, and that his fellow Gerudos expected him to take care of her. In truth, this was just the meteor entering the atmosphere of his world.

Impact of said meteor is when the little girl announced her name.

Ganondorf instantly went silent. He looked the girl up and down for a moment, regarding her. A little Hylian, four years old and wearing an old nightgown and covered in dirt, was claiming to be the Hylian Royal Princess. Large blue eyes, clearly bright blonde hair under that filth… She wasn't exactly the picture of a young princess, next heir to the throne.

Then it suddenly occurred to him. Of course! It had to be a joke. A stupid, silly joke, but a joke nonetheless. There was no way the Princess Zelda was out here in the middle of the desert, standing in his bedroom. What a ridiculous notion.

"Nice try, shrimp, but you aren't the princess."

"Am too!" she said.

"Are not!"

"Am too!"

"That's got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard from your mouth, and you've said a lot of stupid things since you arrived. You are not the princess, and…"

Then, something occurred to Ganondorf as he stared down at the youngster. Why… despite what his head was telling him, his gut was saying that this was true. Why did the very core of his being _believe_ her?! There was no way!

And yet, those men from yesterday did go to such lengths to keep her hidden. And the horse master claimed that the horse they stole yesterday were from the castle….

 _Oh gods,_ he thought as he stared at Zelda. _I kidnapped the Princess of Hyrule._

* * *

Nabooru was talking with some guards when Ganondorf burst into the room, carrying the little girl underneath his arm like a sack. The girl was giggling, believing this to be a game, and wiggling under his arm. "Faster!" she demanded, before seeing Nabooru and giving her the cutest wave. "Hiiii!"

"NABOORU!" Ganondorf managed to say as he panted. Nabooru raised a worried eyebrow as she watched the prince act crazy.

"What? What is it?" she asked, knowing it had to do something with the child.

Finally catching his breath, he grinned and pulled the girl out from under his arms, holding her out in front of him. "I will accept your groveling of an apology, for I did not only hit gold, but I hit the greatest jackpot of all time!" He laughed deeply from his chest. "Just imagine… 17 years old and I'm already on my way to being the great King of Thieves. My mothers are going to be proud of me."

Flabbergasted at his sudden change of attitude, Nabooru placed a hand on her hip. "What in the world are you talking about now?" she asked.

"This," Ganondorf proclaimed, giving the girl a tiny shake, "is Princess Zelda. And yes, _the_ princess."

All the women before him were speechless expect his childhood friend, who did not believe him for a moment. "And you know this how?" she asked. "What would the princess being doing way out here in the desert?"

"Heh, I don't care why. All that I care about is that she's useful. Imagine what we can demand for from the King of Hyrule with her!" Getting uncomfortable in the way he was holding her, Zelda started to wiggle, wanting to be let down. Ganondorf only held her tighter. "Just imagine!"

That was when Nabooru snatched the girl from him. Ganondorf blinked in confusion. "What the…"

"Don't you think?" Nabooru asked, placing the girl on her hip. "Let's say she is the Princess. The moment they find out that _you_ kidnapped her, who do you think is going to come after us?! The entire Royal Army! Knights! Soldiers! And with the hatred for our kind already, they won't hesitate to kill!"

Growling, Ganondorf pointed at the girl. "Neither do my mothers for its kind!"

"Face it, Ganondorf, they aren't strong enough to stop an entire army." Nabooru took a deep breath and smiled at Zelda. "So, you are Zelda?"

Zelda nodded and smiled. "Yup! My Papa says Mama named me!"

The girl looked so sincere that Nabooru didn't doubt that she was telling the truth. Of course, it was their luck that Ganondorf would find the Princess of Hyrule in the flipping desert. Nabooru patted her head, before thrusting her back into Ganondorf's arms. "Alright then, _you_ take her home."

It took a moment for Ganondorf to process that. "Excuse me?" he asked in a dangerous tone. "Take her home?"

"Or return her to her people, I don't care which one, but get her _out_ of the desert. It's a few days ride to the nearest Hylian village to you will need to pack a few supplies…"

"Hold on," Ganondorf stopped her. "Are you kidding me? This is a chance of a lifetime, and you are asking me to just hand her back over? No way!"

"Ganondorf, we are thieves, not kidnappers of children or people bent on taking over the world!" Nabooru growled. "Only your mothers think that way, but the rest of us aren't interested, and you know it. You aren't king yet, and you do not have power over us yet." Those words stung a little, making Ganondorf frown. "Keeping her here is a serious risk to our safety. It's only a matter of time before they find her. Don't worry, if your mothers come home early I'll cover for you."

"That's not the problem!" Ganondorf hissed, but he didn't get anything more to say.

"If you want to be king one day, you need to learn to put your people before your ambitions first!" Nabooru snapped.

Hearing that, Ganondorf was taken aback. Well, he did want to become the greatest King of Thieves of all time. He felt the child wiggle in his arms. It was such a perfect chance for him to make his mark on history, but...

"Hmph," he said, putting the child down and folding his arms. "I suppose if I truly want to be the greatest King of all time, I will have to do something more than just kidnapping the princess. After all, that's so overdone."

"If telling yourself that is all it takes, then fine. We will have you ready to go at noon. While you return her, we will send scouts to see if we can find the men we left in the desert," Nabooru told him. It didn't matter to her if the girl was really Zelda or not. It was probably best if Ganondorf got her out as soon as possible. And if they can find the men and explain to them that they didn't mean to kidnap the child, then perhaps serious conflict could be avoided.

Because if Ganondorf's mothers did come home early and saw the child… It was not be good for anyone.

Nabooru signaled to the other woman (who stood there the whole time stunned) to follow her, and they left Ganondorf there with Zelda. Zelda reached up and grabbed Ganondorf's sleeve, tugging on it. Ganondorf ripped the cloth from her hand, but she didn't seem fazed.

"Are you in trouble, Papa?" she asked, looking worried. With all the angry talking that just happened, it seemed like the pretty lady wasn't happy with him.

He didn't even bother to correct her on what she called him this time. _In more ways than one,_ he thought unhappily to himself. He hung his head. _In more ways than one._


	3. It's Always a Game

**Sorry for the slow updates, everyone. Thank you for your patience. Enjoy. P.S. Yes, I used 'it' instead of 'her' on purpose at times.**

* * *

 **Papa Ganondorf**

Lesson 3: It's Always A Game

"I am a prince. I am a prince. I am a powerful lord. I will be the king," Ganondorf muttered to himself repeatedly, pressing his fingers against his temples, rubbing slowly in a circular motion as he chanted. With all the lack of respect and the sudden job that had been thrusted upon him, the young prince felt that he needed to remind himself that he was royalty. Because frankly, no one around him seemed to care about his heritage, or else they wouldn't be making him return Zelda to her people.

This was all happening so fast. Just yesterday he accidently kidnapped the girl, and now he was standing outside the fortress as he watched some of the women prepare his horse and a bag for the journey. He much preferred to just throw the girl back into the desert where they found her. Better yet, keep her and ransom her back. Or at least wait until her previous escorts found their way out of the desert and returned for her. Then Ganondorf wouldn't have to leave the desert.

Of course, he has always _wanted_ to leave the desert, but not in this manner. He had expected to ride majestically into the legendary green lands of Hyrule to claim what should be his, but instead he was getting ready for a babysitting job. The nearest village beyond the desert's borders was at least a two day journey by horse, which meant he would be alone with the midget….

He moaned at the prospect. It was going to be a miserable two days. If only he could force someone to join him, or even do the work for him, but all the women kept telling him that this was his problem. Therefore, only he was responsible for fixing it. He wasn't even sure why he was putting up with such behavior from his subordinates. But if he failed to do this, then when his mothers got home….

He shivered a bit.

But as he thought more about the trip, he chuckled a bit under his breath. Of course, why was he worrying? It would suck, but it would just be for two days with the creature. Ride to the nearest village, drop the kid off at the first building with Hylians he saw, and leave. That should do it. In and out. He would then be back home long before his mothers returned, and would be none the wiser on what happened here without them.

Aveil, one of the Gerudo's stronger tribe members, wandered over to him from his horse. Wearing blue today, she flipped her long red hair over her shoulder and pointed at his steed by jabbing her thumb over her shoulder. "Alright, my lord, we are set." Aveil was one of the few Gerudo who currently showed even an ounce of respect for him. "Enough food and water for a week for the two of you. There is a bedroll and a small tent as well. And finally, this," she indicated to the large piece of dark cloth that was draped over her arm.

Curious, Ganondorf took the cloth from her, seeing it to be a cloak of some kind. It was pure black and light weight, with a large hood sewn at the top. "You are used to the desert heat, but Hyrule will not be so warm. It will help keep you comfortable," Aveil warned him, rubbing her chin as she herself regarded the cloak. "It will also help hide your identity. Hylians, for the most part, are unwelcoming of our kind, as you know…. And this will go double for your gender. Just deliver the girl without revealing yourself, and all should be fine."

"Hmph." The Hylian people should know who the future King of Thieves will be. Wearing such a thing will only hinder their ability to recognize him in the future. He regarded the gift carefully, tracing his fingers along the fabric. If anything, at least it was a good quality cloth. It felt soft underneath his fingertips.

However… "It's so plain," he scoffed, shaking his head at the idea of such a boring piece of clothing for a noble prince such as himself. He didn't get a chance to argue more though as Aveil pulled out one more gift. She was used to his behavior and has learned that distraction was the best defense against him. Even a fishing rod could stop him in his tracks at his worst times.

"And this is a map of Hyrule. It's a bit dated, but it should do enough," she told him, holding it out for him.

"I still can't believe I'm doing this," Ganondorf muttered, folding up the cloak and tucking it into a bag so he could take the map.

Aveil chuckled at his words before adding one last tidbit. "I circled the town you will be heading to." Despite the women making him do this, they did want him to return home safely at least. Making his journey a bit easier should be of great assistance.

"Rauru, right?" Ganondorf asked, opening the map up. It was the only Hylian town he knew of, besides the city of Hyrule itself. It was also the only town that was close to the borders of the desert and close to Gerudo territory. The older women have often talked about the adventures they have had there, but have always failed to go into details around Ganondorf. When you are older, they used to say. When he looked on the map, it didn't look very far from their fortress at all. He stared at the black charcoal circle around a small sketch of a town with Hylian script next to it, most likely the name of the town. He brought the map closer to his face, unable to recognize the lettering. Realizing that he didn't know them, Ganondorf scanned the rest of the document, trying to read _anything._ There were several towns and villages on the map, but he couldn't read a single name.

"How long ago did we steal this?" Ganondorf asked, pointing to the words on the papyrus. "This script is ancient!"

"Ancient or not, my lord, the map is up to date enough to get you to town and back," Aveil reassured. "I compared it to my memory since my last trip to Rauru. It's fine. Just follow the path, about a day's journey, to a field. Stay on that path for another day and you should literally run right into it." After hearing the words she just said, she then gave a shrug. "Well, I suppose you don't _really_ need the map as long as you don't stray from my directions, but it will be of some help." Just in case.

Giving a small glare, he rolled up the map and tucked it into his belt. Wasn't her last trip a few years ago? Either way, it was all he had to go on for now, so he didn't have much of a choice. "Fine, I'll take the scrap paper with me." Aveil gave him a smile, knowing that that was his way of saying thank you.

With the preparations almost complete, Ganondorf set a few more things into the satchel on his horse's side. He lifted the smooth leather flap and carefully placed a large bag of dried meat into it, before sliding his scimitar into its sheath on his steed's side. He picked up a full quiver and set it on his back, and checked to make sure his bow was packed in a place where he could easily access it. As a Gerudo he is fully trained in all of these weapons, although he would still have to prove himself before he earned his proper place among his people and the respect he rightfully deserved.

That was the way of his people. Skill in combat was held in the highest regard above all else. Before you are truly accepted by the people, you must show your worth. There have been times in the past that even Hylians with great swordsmanship and other talents have been made honorary members of the Gerudo tribe. Those times, though, were long past.

Satisfied with his gear, he patted his horse's side. He was a strong, black steed, born and bred in the desert. His fiery red eyes were watching Ganondorf intensely as he tossed his pitch black mane and snorted, ready for whatever trip his rider had planned for him. As Ganondorf has been his only master, he has never strayed outside the desert as well. Ganondorf hoped the trip would not put too much stress on his horse.

He visibly slouched when he heard Nabooru carrying the parasite over behind him. "Trip?" Zelda was asking Nabooru, blinking her large blue eyes in confusion. Her original dress has been replaced with one of the nicer hand-me-downs that one of the girls had own when they were young. It was a white cotton tunic that reached her knees, with long sleeves and matching pants that went to her ankles. Tiny blue sandals protected the bottoms of her feet, and her hair was pulled up off her neck to help keep her cool. The outfit would make her trip more comfortable while traveling on horse.

Nabooru set her down for a moment to put on a scarf around her tiny blonde head to give her protection from the sun and sand. "That's right. Papa is going to take you home!" Nabooru told her, picking her back up once she was satisfied with the security of the scarf. Seeing that Ganondorf was overhearing and giving death stares her way, she grinned viciously and poked Zelda's belly. "Make sure you give Papa looooooots of hugs!"

"OK!" the child exclaimed with a giggle.

"I hate you," Ganondorf told Nabooru when she approached.

"Only in your words," she replied.

 _I am a prince,_ he reminded himself again. _One day, they will respect me._ Giving an annoyed sigh, he climbed up onto his horse. As much as he didn't want to go, the sooner he got out of here the faster he could complete this quest (and the faster he could come home and find nasty ways to punish everyone here).

He chuckled to himself as he imagined the things he now had planned for everyone here. Aveil was going to get a pass this time since she was kind enough to pack for him some good stuff, but Nabooru was going to regret every second of what she did. Cleaning the stables for a year was letting her off too easy, and having her do his laundry didn't give any joy anymore.

Well, he will have about four days to think about it.

Once he was settled on his steed, Nabooru passed up the girl. Or, at least tried to before Ganondorf stopped her. "What are you doing?" he asked, using his thumb to point over his shoulder. "The fleshy annoyance sits behind me."

"Are you kidding?" Nabooru asked, "She's four! She can't hold onto your back for a long period of time while on a one ton horse! No, she has to sit in front of you so she doesn't fall off."

"And I said that she needs to sit behind me!" Ganondorf said in a threatening manner. His hand gripped the leather reigns tightly as frustration really started to settle in.

"Do I need to remind you that when you were young, you needed to be held up on a horse too?" Nabooru said in response, raising an eyebrow at him. She knew he was going to blow a vein soon, but it was true that it would be too dangerous for the child to sit behind him for a long period of time. What if the horse jolts too much? Or gets spooked? Or the child gets sleepy? Regardless, she was much too little to be trusted to keep herself up on the steed without the help of someone with training and age.

"Hmph," Ganondorf gave his tongue a sharp click as he recalled some… vague memories of such. He rubbed his chin as snuck a glance at the child. It was true she was quite tiny. Perhaps it was because she was a Hylian. Gerudo were rather tall people, after all.

Just another example of why those of that pointed-eared stuck up race are inferior to the greatness of the Gerudo.

He ran a hand through his hair carefully as he sighed deeply, before scooting back a bit so there was room for the shrimp. "Hurry up," he mumbled, pointing to the empty space that was now in front of him.

Glad to see that he wasn't putting too much of a fight, Nabooru smiled at Zelda. "Isn't that wonderful? You get to sit in front of Papa!" She couldn't resist milking every second of torture that Ganondorf had to suffer.

Zelda's eyes went wide and literally sparkled at the prospect. "Yay!" Zelda clapped her hands together as she rocked her head back and forth, unable to contain her excitement.

Ganondorf rolled his eyes and mumbled unhappily, unable to contain his misery. "I do not want to delay any longer," he informed Nabooru. "Just hand it over so I can get this stupid job over with." He followed his statement with a cocky, toothy grin. "Then when I come back, I challenge you to the training arena."

"You're on," she shot him a grin back as she handed Zelda up to Ganondorf. Zelda's tiny legs barely managed to sit properly on the saddle, but she didn't seem to care at all. She gripped the horn tightly as she leaned forward to talk to the horse.

"Let's go, Mr. Horsey!" she laughed. Ganondorf brought his hand up to his face and slid it down slowly, pulling his bottom eyelid down as he did. This shrimp was an idiot; it didn't even know how to command a horse properly.

"Now remember, Ganondorf, feed her three times a day and make sure her skin is covered at all times!" Nabooru told the young prince. As she spoke, she reached up and forced Ganondorf's arms around the little girl so she was secure. The moment she let go Ganondorf pulled his arms back in disgust, not interesting in getting close to the child at all. Exasperated, Nabooru raised an eyebrow at him. "She's a Hylian; her skin is more sensitive to the sun than ours, and…"

Tired of hearing the lectures and advice, Ganondorf snatched up the leather reigns and gripped them tightly. "Ok, that's enough," he mumbled as he tapped his steed's sides with his heels. "Heyah!" he commanded loudly. The horse reared his head and gave a small jump forward as he started into a fast trot out of the fortress. Still holding onto the saddle's horn, the little princess let out a sounding 'Wheeeee!' when the horse took off.

Left in the dust, Nabooru waved the sandy cloud out of her face before she cupped her hands around her mouth as her face twisted in a mixture of surprise and anger. "WAIT!" she called after him. "DON'T YOU DARE GALLOP WITH THAT CHILD!" When Ganondorf failed to acknowledge whether he had heard her or not she kicked the sand with her foot and folded her arms across her chest in frustration. That arrogant and uncooperative prince didn't let her finish.

The women watched their prince leave towards Hyrule for the first time alone, without the permission of their leaders. There was a stillness in the air as they realized that Ganondorf was actually leaving the protection of the Gerudo Fortress. Several women glanced at each other, unsure of what to think about the predicament that they had just put themselves in. This silence did not last though, when someone suddenly spoke up. "… Twenty rupees that he kills the child."

With that comment slicing through the air, the rest of the crowd felt invited to share their inputs. "Thirty that he accidently loses her!"

"Forty that he does that on purpose!"

 _Oh boy,_ Nabooru thought to herself, shaking her head as her fellow tribe members rambled on about the bets they were placing on Ganondorf and Zelda's lives. _This may have been a mistake._

* * *

The first ten minutes of the ride was truly, undeniably, honest-to-the-gods wonderful. As the sight of the fortress grew smaller and smaller behind them as the pair followed the path towards the plains of Hyrule, Ganondorf's excitement started to grow. His continued on a swivel back and forth as he looked around, wondering if there was going to be anything interesting to see. He had been on this path before, but he was going to be actually leaving the canyon this time. He had never gone beyond the bridge before; he wondered what lay beyond that wooden connection between his land and… _its_ land. He glanced down at the little girl as he wondered this. She came from a land that he heard was green and beautiful. If this thing has done anything good for him, giving a chance to see the greenery would be it.

But still, the thought of actually staying with it for two days nonstop…. It was enough to want to make him hurl. If only he could just be rid of her right away.

When the fortress was no longer in view, he suddenly pulled the horse to a stop and considered tossing the girl off right now.

It would be easy. He could just pick her up and drop her, and tell her to waddle her own way to the village. On his part, it wouldn't be very hard at all. To make to convincing to the girls, he could camp here for a few days before returning home. That way, he wouldn't have to do this stupid job. And he would have nearly four days to be completely, utterly alone.

Yup, that was convincing enough for him. Zelda was kicking her legs happily when she felt two large hands hook themselves under her arms as she was suddenly lifted up. Her limps dangled below her as she let out a squeal of delight, unaware of what the young prince had in mind for her. Ganondorf turned his body and positioned her over the ground, smiling to himself at his wonderful plan.

And with that he dropped her.

It only took a few seconds before she hit the ground. Ganondorf heard a sickening crunch as Zelda landed on the ground, followed by the agonizing scream of the little girl piercing his ears.

Ganondorf suddenly shook his head and blinked a few times. It only took him a moment to realize that he was still holding that child, who was still having a grand time in his arms, and that dropping her had been in his head. His eyebrow twitched at his imagination for coming up with something so…. Gross.

Ah, damn it all. Apparently he had a conscience. Something a future Gerudo King will not need.

But for now…

He set the child back on the horse and clicked his tongue for it to start trotting again.

Clapping her hands, Zelda leaned back into Ganondorf and glanced up at him by tilting her head back. "Fun! Again, Papa!"

"No," Ganondorf said flatly, pushing her back up to her original position.

"Plwuese, Papa?!" she begged, scooting right back.

Growling, he pushed her back up. "No!" he said more firmly. "And stop calling me Papa!"

Believing this to be a game, Zelda giggled and once more snuggled closer to Ganondorf. Unaware that this was meant to be playful, Ganondorf's face started to turn bright red in anger. "Knock it off," he said harshly, pressing his hand against her back to separate him from her. Determined to keep playing, she wiggled back and forth, making it harder for him to apply the proper amount of force to push her back into place.

This went on for a solid minute before Ganondorf grew exasperated. "That's it!" he snapped. He reached behind him into a bag and felt around for some rope. Since he stopped paying her any attention for a moment, she quickly leaned right back against him, clapping her hands.

"I winses!" she cheered, before falling into another fit of giggles. It was only a moment longer until Ganondorf's hand closed around the rough rope. Now grinning himself, he whipped it out and for one last time pushed the child up against the horn of the saddle. Quickly, he wrapped the rope around the girl's waist and the horn, trapping her against it. As he knotted her in place, she tried to wiggle free, but found that to be unsuccessful. However she still thought it was a game, so her smile did not yet break.

"Alright," Ganondorf sighed with relief, glad that she could not get away from that spot now. He wiped his brow as he glanced in front of him at the road. He had only been traveling for a half hour, and already he was in hell.

The girl suddenly stopped wiggling and started to whine. "Papa?" she whimpered, turning her neck to look back at him. "I gotta pee…."

Only one day and 23 and a half more hours left until he was free of her.

* * *

He knew that he made everyone in the room uncomfortable, and that was the way he liked it. He took a sip from his goblet as he surveyed those around him, reading their faces like one would read a book. Sweat, shifting eyes, furrowed eyebrows, the fake continuing smiles… A lovely mixture of fear. He would not have it any other way. Without that fear, without comfort in his presence, then they would mistake him for a kind person.

And he really didn't want to have that at all.

Not these creatures, anyway.

He licked his lips as he set the goblet down. He could see the micro flinches of everyone as the sound of metal echoed in the room, and it brought him great joy. He leaned on his hand as he gave everyone a vicious smile, as a snake would when eyeing prey. "Tell me," he said, slicing through the silence. Everyone stiffened at once. "Why you are all still here?"

They all glanced at each other, confused. Of course they would be. He hadn't given them an actual order to leave yet. But that is what made it fun. Keep them on their toes, if you will. And they wouldn't dare to even use the bathroom unless he authorized it.

Now for the best part. He stood and swung his arm out in front of him, twisting his face into an expression of pure, murderous rage. "LEAVE!" he roared.

That combination of evil intent was enough. The sentient creatures before him squealed in terror and fled the room, clamoring over each other to get out the fastest. The moment the door closed firmly behind them, he sat back down and stretched his arms upward, smiling to himself a little at the lovely display of cowardice.

It was intoxicating, the power he held, the control he had. With just one finger, he could command an entire army. All he had to do was breath and everyone would tremble at his feet. It was beautiful. No… it was befitting.

But…

It would not matter much longer, not as long as the princess still lived. With her bounding about the land, it would only be a matter of time before his position was threatened. He needed her taken care of, and she had somehow fallen out of his sights. Even within his mind he could not find her. He did not know what trickery was causing this… not yet, at least. But it was something incredibly powerful.

He sat by himself for a while before he gave a tiny whistle and held his hand up towards the ceiling. "Come here, my pets," he cooed gently. There were few things he was kind to, but he couldn't be cruel to these lovely creatures.

At his call, he heard the rustling of wings above him before a swarm of bats swooped down and surrounded him. He smiled as they flew about, screeching, and when one landed in his lap he stroked it calmly.

"Poor things, I'm sorry you had to listen to those stupid monsters," he spoke to them as one would speak to a child. "Aren't they useless? Coming in here, telling me that they lost that poisonous child's scent somewhere towards the desert." The one in his lap just blinked up at him, enjoying the scratching that it was receiving behind its ears.

Ah, to control such beautiful animals… what a lucky person he was.

"I have a new use for you," he told them. He leaned his cheek against his hand as he chuckled dangerously. "So listen well…"

* * *

 **Thank you for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following. Look out for chapter 4!**


	4. Duck, Luck, and Fudge

**And hello, readers, I have finally returned to this story! I'm sorry for the long, long wait. I hope you enjoy this chapter (which was short, for that I apologize).**

* * *

 **Papa Ganondorf**

 _My name is Ganondorf, and I am the heir to the throne to my people, the Gerudo! My people and our neighbors the Hylians have been at odds for hundreds, but one day I will prove myself the greatest King of the Gerudo in history to everyone. I was on track to do just that when I accidently kidnapped the Hylian's princess, Zelda. So now I find myself returning the shrimp to her native land, but it's going to take a lot of willpower to not toss her back into the desert as I do. It's going to be a long trip._

Lesson 4: Duck, Luck, and … Fudge

By the time dark fell Ganondorf wanted to rip his eyes out of their sockets and stomp on them until he knew he could no longer feel any pain. He knew he had a dead look on his face because his soul felt sucked out of his body by the time Zelda managed to reach around and tug on his sleeve hours after leaving the comforts of home.

"Papa?" she said in order to get his attention. "I hungwey."

That annoying cute voice pierced deeply into Ganondorf's skull as his back bowed forward like an old man. This day felt like an eternity, so he honestly wouldn't put it past the universe to age him so fast. "It's 'I'm hungry,'" Ganondorf corrected, monotone as a muscle under his eye twitched. "And once again…" he said this with the deepest sigh he had ever released, "I am not your Papa."

Ganondorf had one more day of this unmeasurable amount of torture to look forward to, the constant questions, the constant 'why?' to the answers of those questions, which in turned would be followed by another 'why' in a never-ending vicious cycle of question hell. He hated her curiosity and her ability to remain absolutely cheerful despite of everything. No amount of adventure was worth this. He ran simulations of hurting Nabooru over and over again in his head just to cheer himself up, since this was clearly her fault.

But the thing did have a point. Ganondorf pulled his horse to a stop as he looked up into the sky. The dark blue of night loomed over, with the stars shining down at them. Only a bit of brightness suggested that the sun was still peeking over the horizon, but the canyon walls were so high that Ganondorf could not see the sun. The nightlife was coming out too; they had already begun their songs and calls that carried through the cooling desert air.

He let out a small hum as he made a decision to stop for a quick snack. Even he was feeling a bit hungry, so they will quickly eat and move on. Ganondorf really didn't want to delay this trip for very long, not even to sleep. He could sleep after the parasite was dropped off with its people.

He threw his leg over the saddle as he slid off his stead, bouncing on his heels a bit as his feet hit the ground. He flipped open a satchel on his horse's side to pull out some of the dried meat for his bird when Zelda, who had seen Ganondorf get off the horse and wanted to do the same, started to attempt her dismounting. Gripping the saddle's horn, she managed to get her legs on one side, but within in instant of doing so she lost her grip and fell. Ganondorf had just pulled out the meat when he felt a tiny body land on his neck. Having not expecting the sudden extra weight, he lost his footing and fell on the ground, face first.

Zelda, not even remotely injured, was now sitting on his back. She blinked in surprise for a moment, before letting out a series of giggles as she clapped. "Again!" she laughed. Ganondorf raised his face from the dirt and spat out a rock, moaning in irritation.

"No," he said as he rolled to his side, causing her to fall off. He sat up and folded his arms as he glared at her. She wiggled on the ground before she managed to get upright, her legs out in front of her and her tiny hands pressed against the ground between them, beaming up at him.

"Who said you could get off the horse?" he growled, rubbing the back of his neck. It was aching now, and that was not going to go away for a while. "Now I have to find a way to get you back up on him. Stupid."

At that word, she puffed her cheeks out in frustration. "That bad word!" she insisted, lifting one hand to point at him. "Say sowwy!"

"Never," he proclaimed, snatching the bag he had dropped and getting himself back on his feet. He undid the string around the leather and pulled out of pieces of meat. He gave a short whistle and tossed the meat into the air. Both and Zelda watched as the meat reached their peak height and started to descend, before it was suddenly snatched up by Helmaroc, who gave a cry before landing on a rocky ledge high above them. He stared down at Ganondorf with its beady, unblinking eyes before it lowered his head and began to tear the meat apart with his beak.

The whole display had been poetic, for those with a twisted sense of marvel. Ganondorf was grinning up at his prized pet when he suddenly heard a shriek of joy before him. He casually glanced down at the child just in time to see her stumble upright and point at his bird. "Again!" she squealed. Ganondorf rolled his eyes and sighed as he reached into the satchel again to pull out two pieces of bread. He remembered Nabooru telling him to feed the thing. Without a shred of kindness within him he tossed the bread into her lap, only performing duty rather than acting upon the desire to be kind, before he took a seat on a nearby rock. There was a great distance between them, the atmosphere mixed with emotions. One bubbly and overjoyed upon seeing the bread and the other miserable and counting the number of ways to kill Nabooru.

The thing took no notice, though, of this great divide as it devoured the bread happily and messily. Crumbs showered its lap, and Ganondorf felt a newfound disgust for the parasite. He had never seen such a wasteful way to eat before. But those Hylians must have enough food and greenery to be able to act so indifferent to food; Ganondorf has never known anything to grow expect two unusual trees deep in the desert by the great temple.

A sudden ping of jealousy shot through Ganondorf's body, and he paused in mid-bite as he regarded the child unhappily. Look at it. So cheerful, so young, and so unaware of suffering… Ganondorf couldn't help but wonder why he was actually on this mission at all. It wasn't to actually bring this creature home, that was something he was aware of.

His mind wandered to his mothers though, and that quickly answered his question.

With that violent reminder, Ganondorf finished his dinner. He made a small bag of feed for his horse to munch on as they walked, tied it around its snout, and then returned to the child, picking her up with his arms as straightened out as possible. His hands secured under her arms, he easily put her back in the saddle before quickly mounting himself.

"Alright," he mumbled, half to the child and half to himself, "Let's get back on the road." Clicking his tongue and gently tapping his steed's side, the great black stallion began to move forward again, satisfied with short rest and a snack to eat. Ganondorf wasn't worried about not giving his horse much rest; a rare Gerudo breed, this beast was bred to run for days with little rest, food, or water.

They didn't get far, however, when Zelda suddenly yawned and rubbed her eyes with the back of her tiny hand, declaring, "I'm sleepy."

"Then sleep," Ganondorf mumbled, keeping his eyes on the road. He didn't want to really admit it, but he was getting sleepy as well, and he cursed himself for this normal, mortal weakness.

The thing let out another large yawn and slowly leaned back into Ganondorf's lap. He failed to notice the child doing so until he felt her tiny head suddenly snuggle against his stomach. He stiffened at the sudden, uncalled for contact as he pulled the horse to a stop so he could look down at her. He did so just in time to see her small hand reach up to grab his shirt in an attempt to pull him closer.

"Gah!" he exclaimed, quickly wrenching himself free from her clutch before forcing her to sit back up straight. She blinked sleepily as he did this, and instantly leaned right back into him when he pulled his hand back from her. He managed to stop her before her head made contact, and a tiny struggle ensured between them, the child determined to sleep comfortably in Ganondorf's lap, and Ganondorf determined to have absolutely no cuddling with the child.

After about a minute of this, Ganondorf lost patience and decided to make a quick escape. He slid off the saddle and glared up at the young princess. "Listen, shrimp," he said sharply. "No cuddling. No touching. I don't know what you Hylians do but that is unacceptable behavior."

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, eyes locked, Ganondorf's eyes twitching with rage and Zelda's eyes sparkling with joy. There wasn't movement between the two of them, until Zelda slowly reached down with her hand spread open. She didn't stop moving, leaning over far, until her tiny palm touched the tip of his nose ever so slightly.

"Touch," she said, then burst into a fit of giggles as she laughed at a joke only she got. Ganondorf's eye twitched again before he violently grabbed at her hand to rip her from the horse, but Zelda saw him coming and swiped her hand back.

"Too slow!" she sang, enjoying her fun. As Ganondorf fumed on the ground, balling his hands into fists and mumbling some rather indecent words that really shouldn't be repeated (Fudge... let's just say he said fudge), Zelda was soon rubbing her eyes again. "Sleepy."

"Fine," Ganondorf snapped, reaching up and plucking her off the saddle. She smiled a bit and lifted her arms with the intention of wrapping them around Ganondorf's neck, but Ganondorf held her out at a full arm's length and her tiny arms simply couldn't reach. She didn't give up, though, as she wiggled a bit, trying as hard as she could to get closer. Ganondorf didn't hold her long though as he set her down and went to pull off the bedrolls from the back of his steed. As he untied them she waddled over and attached herself to his leg.

The young prince tried to shake her off. "Get off," he growled, "or I won't give you a bedroll to sleep on."

She looked up at him, her chin resting on his leg. "Bedwoll?"

"Hmph, even a prince like me knows what a bedroll is," he said, rolling his eyes. "It's a bed you can sleep on outdoors and such. A travel bed. Here." He unrolled one and shook it free for her to see. "See this? It's a bedroll, and if you don't let go of my leg this instant I will burn the other one for a fire tonight and you get to sleep on the rock."

The child reached up at the bedroll and grabbed a corner of it, giving a small smile. She didn't really understand his threat but she liked the feeling of the bedroll, especially after riding a horse all day. She tugged it closer to her face and snuggled her cheek into it. "Comfy…." She mumbled, letting go of his leg to hug the roll.

"Not as comfortable as the bed I could be in now," Ganondorf shrugged. He yanked the bedroll from her arms and quickly set it up before she could latch herself to his pants again. As she curled onto it Ganondorf prepared his own as far away as possible from her. He then pulled out three blankets and a long piece of rope from the horse. He found a good place to tie up his steed and removed the saddle from his back so he could rest. He made sure to throw a blanket over the back of the stallion before tossing a blanket at the child.

When the fabric hit her she woke up a bit, having started to doze off on the bedroll since she was so exhausted. She sat up a bit and watched him as he quickly circled their sleeping area with the rope. When he was done he plopped down on his bedroll, scratched his leg rather un-princely-like, then reached for his blanket to curl up in. Comfortable, hearing the soft chewing of his horse with its feed and the crickets singing their songs in the distance, Ganondorf soon found himself asleep.

* * *

When the sun peeked over the horizon, Ganondorf awoke to an uninvited guest pressed up against him, smiling at the warmth his body brought and the safety she felt curled there. In turn, Ganondorf immediately kicked her out of his bedroll, realizing that next time he was going to have to tie her up for bed. Then it occurred to him that there was no next time, this was to be their last day of travel. Rauru was only a two day journey, so Ganondorf should be there before nightfall, as long as they stay on course.

So after a quick breakfast, the pair was back on their way, with Zelda singing under her breath as she swayed back and forth, in a cheerful mood as Ganondorf wished he could rip his ears off. The only thing that kept him going was knowing that they were soon to reach Hylian territory, where he would dump her off at the nearest building in Rauru and be free of this pest forever.

For about an hour did they go, Zelda never once ceasing in her song, on repeat. Surprisingly, Ganondorf was able to ignore it for a while, too tired to fight back for now (he never did like early mornings). When that first hour had passed, unconsciously he started humming that dreadful song with her:

" _Six wittle ducks that I once knew,_

 _Fat ones, *mumble* ones, fair ones too._

 _One wittle duck with the feather on his b…b… um…. Back!_

 _He led the others with a WUACK WUACK WUACK!"_

She knew the last part best, and loved it the most, so she sang it out louder than the rest, giving three small bounces with each 'quack' as she did. It was when Ganondorf started quacking with her that he realized what he was doing and threw his head back to release a loud, painful moan into the air.

"Noooooo." He drew out the vowel in agony. "Stop singing that song this instant! It's going to get stuck in my head!"

"But… but, it's funny!" she protested. "Wuack!"

"I'll whack you if you… don't…" he started to trail off as the canyon walls ended and suddenly opened up, and he taken so aback that he pulled his horse to a stop as Zelda started clapping.

"Look-ie! Pretty flowers!"

It is hard to describe the feeling that could arise from seeing a sight before you. You grow up a certain way, knowing only the dry taste of the desert air and the scorching hot winds that blow through the dunes, never seeing young green things grow. And Ganondorf had been so distracted that he had failed to notice a distinction between the air here, sweet and wet, and the canyon, which suffered similar conditions as his wasteland of a home.

But now that he could see the beginnings of Hyrule proper, he could feel the difference, and for the first time in his life see so much lush life. The field was flat for many miles, stretching into hills beyond the horizon, teetering with tall grass and vibrant flowers, and peppered with thick, strong trees with long branches for cool shade. Off in the far distance the silhouette of an intimidating mountain stood in one direction; it was so grand that it could be seen even from Ganondorf's great distance from it.

After taking a moment to take it all in, Ganondorf remembered the map and quickly brought it out, his hands fumbling with excitement. It was hard not to be; he has never been this far away from home, and has especially never set foot in the Hyrule kingdom. But here he was, at the border between his people's territory and one of the oldest known civilizations. It was an intoxicating feeling, these feeling of freedom and wonder.

With the map open now, he inspected the map closely, trying to compare the trail he had just taken with the location on the old piece of papyrus. "Hmm…. It seems that mountain is Death Mountain… and we are here… and Rauru is just over those hills in the south."

"Rauru, Rauru!" Zelda repeated after him, simply just as excited as Ganondorf to see the breathtaking land.

"Yup. That's where I'll drop you off," Ganondorf said as he rolled the map back up. He tucked it away then clicked his tongue to get his horse moving. Despite his excitement to see Hyrule for the first time, he was still anxious to get rid of this child. The rest of the ride to Rauru should be easy from here; a straight shot over the hills in the distance and then he could be on his way.

As usual, the parasite didn't understand what he meant and it didn't care either. Luckily for Ganondorf, there was enough distractions for her that she stopped talking to him, occasionally pointing at weird insects that flew by with were extremely colorful or reaching for a flower that was clearly far out of her reach.

They only travelled a short distance, perhaps maybe twenty minutes worth of a decent trot, when Ganondorf had to pull his horse's pace short. He let out a strange yowling sound as he jumped down, with Zelda looking at him rather confused at his sudden outburst.

"COLD!" Ganondorf informed no one in particular. He began to dig through his satchel for that hooded cloak that he had been given, waiting to wrap up in it as soon as possible. Meanwhile, that damned brat looked extremely comfortable in this weather. Now that they were no longer moving, she had resumed her song, and Ganondorf stopped his search for a moment, long enough to slowly hit his head against his horse's hip. He let out a long, long moan.

"Just a little bit longer…" Ganondorf reminded himself. "Just a bit farther, and I am free of this nightmare."

He returned to the satchel and found the cloak. Well, at least he would be warm, there was some comfort. He turned away from his horse just in time to see someone standing there right behind him. He had not heard this person approach them, and the strange looking boy was in a stance to throw something quite sharp looking directly at Ganondorf.

"You, Gerudo. Hand over the child at once, before I have to take…. Action…" the boy had started out strong in his words, but then trailed off when he got a good look at Ganondorf's face. Ganondorf wished he could say the same, but the boy's nose and mouth were covered with a white cloth, with his red eyes only visible.

When the silence fell between them suddenly, Ganondorf glanced briefly behind him to make sure his weapon was in reaching distance, seeing that the boy looked distracted. It was. Satisfied, he shifted a bit to make the grab swifter. "Who are you?" he asked, but despite the fact the boy was holding kunai in his directions, he saw an opportunity. Right here, right now, the universe has dropped a person from this land right into his lap. He could just hand over the child and go home right now. Granted, this land was intriguing, but he really didn't want to spend more time with the kid than he had to.

Discomfort set in when, though, as he watched the boy glance him up and down, looking particularly confused. His stance faltered a bit. "You… aren't a woman…."

It took a moment for Ganondorf to process those words, since he hadn't expected it, but when he did comprehend it his head drew back in horror. "Ex _-cuse me_?!"

* * *

 **Apparently during the time before I was even a year old, I couldn't be in a car without crying unless this duck song was played for hours. So my dad had to play it over and over again for 17 hours straight. To this day, he still hates that song.**

 **Here's to children's quirks! *raises a glass***

 **Look out for chapter 5! Keep an eye on my profile for updates concerning new chapters.**


	5. How to Make Friends

**Papa Ganondorf**

Lesson 5: How to Make Friends and Be a Great Role Model

"How dare you call me a woman," Ganondorf snapped towards the unknown boy. There was no way a regal prince such as himself could possibly be mistaken for a woman (even though his facial hair had yet to grow in properly), and yet here he stood in this moment of time as his soul now had a new specimen to degrade it slowly. This insult could not go unforgotten. Revenge would be swift.

"Hmph, I mistook you for a Gerudo. Clearly, you are from beyond the borders," the boy said without a hint of an apology. He did not let up from his stance, his weapons still prepped to be thrown right into Ganondorf's chest. "But this does not matter. The child with you, hand her over at once."

Ganondorf glanced towards the girl from his peripheral at the mention. The girl did not seem fazed by this newcomer's arrival. In fact, she seemed downright joyous as she waved to him, leaning over the saddle quite dangerously. "HI!" she nearly screamed. The young prince let out a small moan as he pulled up his bottom lip in frustration; does nothing get this child down?

Ganondorf witnessed as the boy nearly had a panic attack when Zelda leaned over so far. "Careful, princess!" the boy exclaimed, instantly moving forward to catch the young girl before she slipped and fell on her head. He stopped short, however, when Ganondorf reached up and forced her back into her seat by pushing back on her forehead rather roughly. As much as he enjoyed seeing the panicked expression on this rude boy before him, he didn't want to have to calm a crying child. Not today, not ever.

"Stop doing stupid things," Ganondorf told her. She folded her arms and pouted, puffing her cheeks out in distaste.

"Bad word-"

He saw her response coming a kilometer away. "I don't care," Ganondorf interrupted, as the boy visibly fumed at the way he was treating the royal princess.

"Are you an idiot?!" the boy hissed, "Letting a child ride a horse of that size? I don't know how you came by her, but you are clearly unfit to be caring for her. Give her to me now, and I will let you go."

Anger flickered within Ganondorf at the harassment. No one, _no one_ dares speak to the future King of Thieves in that way. Clearly, this boy did not know with whom he was dealing with. When the boy first made himself known, Ganondorf considered giving the parasite over to him. After all, it _was_ perfect. The boy wanted the girl, and Ganondorf wanted to give the girl away. A match made in the heavens. Except that Ganondorf instantly disliked this person greatly, and this feeling was significantly stronger than his desire to rid himself of the singing, happy brat. He did not want to give this jerk the satisfaction of getting what he wanted.

And so, like the prideful moron he was proving himself to be, he decided to pick a fight. He pointed to himself, as if to check that he heard the boy correctly. "Oh, me? You will let _me_ go? Well gee, I feel so honored that you are willing to let lil' ol' me go!" His sarcasm was near tangible. "Listen, lowly fool-"

"Lowly fool?" the boy echoed back, the confused look in his eyes gave him a dumbfounded expression at Ganondorf's reaction to his threat.

"-I don't know who you are, and you clearly don't know who I am. But I know one thing. I'm not handing her over to y-"

Ganondorf was abruptly interrupted when he literally felt history repeat itself as a tiny body land once more on his head. Having all his attention of the boy, he did not notice that Zelda had stood on the seat of the saddle and took a leap of faith. She had intended to land on his back, but her inability to aim was atrocious. And so Ganondorf's glorious, empowering speech was cut short as he fell forward. His face met grass as Zelda's bony body squirmed across his back.

"AGAIN!" she squealed. She clapped her hands in joy as the boy took the chance in front of him. With Ganondorf down, he shot forward and snatched Zelda right up. "Don't worry, princess, I'm going to keep you safe," he told her.

He felt a large, powerful hand grab his ankle and glanced down to see Ganondorf glaring up at him, grass and dirt sticking to his face. "Like hell you are," he snarled, extremely pissed that Zelda just took him out. Frankly, he should just let this stranger take her out of his life, but Ganondorf's pride was on the line now. Along with his arrogance.

The boy's eyebrow twitched at being touched and he kicked Ganondorf's hand free of his foot. With great skill and a tiny princess tucked under his arm, the boy sprung into the saddle of Ganondorf's steed, intending to make a quick escape and leave the prince in the dust without food or water. Quick on the uptake, Ganondorf struggled back to his feet, the back of his neck aching still from the princess's endeavor. He largely ignored it though, because no one in this world steals from the great Prince of Thieves. Especially not his rare black Gerudo stallion. But as fast as he was to stand back up and take a dive for the reigns, the mysterious, obnoxious boy was equally as quick to grab a hold of them himself. He let out a loud command and snapped the reigns, bracing himself for the horse to leap forward.

The horse didn't move. The boy glanced down, letting out a small "What?" as he tried again. The stallion let out a snort before lowering its head to graze, enjoying the chance to eat as much greenery as it could, as it was more to the barren wasteland of the desert. The boy didn't get a chance to ponder what was going on as Ganondorf's hands grabbed his horse's bridle, grinning devilishly up at the failed thief. Ganondorf very much enjoyed the look of horror in the boy's eyes.

"Nice try, but we train our horses for a very different set of commands so they aren't simply... taken," Ganondorf said. "Now, you _will_ dismount my glorious steed, drop the brat, and leave my sight, peas-"

He failed to finish his command. Something glinted in the sun, and Ganondorf barely dodged in time as three kunai grazed past him. Ganondorf nearly clutched his chest in a small panic. Holy shit, this boy just tried to _murder_ him. He didn't just threaten to hurt him, he just now had every intention of skewering him like a piece of raw meat. What the actual hell?!

He heard the boy make a disappointed click of his tongue, and he turned his head in time to see the boy reach again for another set of blades. Ganondorf's eyes widened a bit as he realized that he was quite vulnerable without Nabooru and without any protective gear, and would be unlikely to make a second successful escape. He was starting to pray to the gods and curse the fact that he, the great Prince of the Gerudos, was about to die by the hands of this blonde maniac, when Zelda suddenly reached up and hit her second kidnapper square in the chest.

"NO!" she screamed, stopping both boys in their tracks at her sudden display. Seeing her success, Zelda continued her cries. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Don't hurt Papa!"she yelled, hitting his chest again and again with each 'no.'

The confusion on the boy's face, even with most of it covered, was clear. He looked between Zelda and Ganondorf, his hand still gripping his weapons. Ganondorf brought his hand up to his face and moaned as the boy confirmed what he heard. "... Papa?"

"Yes, Papa!" Zelda replied, crossing her tiny arms over her chest. "You can't hurt Papa! That bad! No hurt, ok?"

Despite the absolute hatred he had for being called Papa, Ganondorf couldn't help but feel relief followed by embarrassment that a small, puny child just saved his life. With the kidnapper now distracted, Ganondorf eyed his weapon, debating on the best way to retrieve it. Unfortunately, it was on the other side of the horse. As these complicated calculations ran through his head, the flabbergasted boy was still frozen.

"Um..."

No longer hitting him, Zelda grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer to her, attempting to whisper into his ear but was blatantly loud. She had to tell him her secret, after all. "And you can't take me. Papa is scared of the dark. I um... I need to keep the bad monsters away!"

Ganondorf snapped his head around when he heard that. "Hey, don't be spreading lies, shrimp!" His eyes, though, quickly caught the look from the boy. His piercing red gaze locked onto the prince with a look that can only be described as utter disapproval as Zelda's words sank deeper and deeper in. After a moment of silence between the two, the boy broke the quiet with one, soul-wrenching word.

"Pervert."

In that moment, something snapped inside of Ganondorf. It was a push too far. He was the freaking prince of his people, and here he was, in some foreign land with a kid who had tried to steal from _him_ and had called him an idiot and pervert all in the span of a few minutes. Out of all the people to first meet in Hyrule, it had to be this stupid, uneducated, murderous loser. His hand turned white as he gripped the bridle harder in rage. "... Pervert? PERVERT?!"

"Teaching this child to call you Papa, of course you are a pervert," the boy said calmly. His demeanor only enraged Ganondorf more, while Zelda tugged on the boy's sleeve.

"What 'pervert,'" she asked.

"That's it, I'm done playing nice!" Ganondorf roared, not even bothering to correct him. "Get off MY HORSE!" He reached over and made a grab for the boy's ankle, but seeing his approach the boy quickly jumped off on his own accord, still holding the princess firmly in his arms. She clung to his neck as they landed on the grass, then let out a giggle as she believed this all to be a game. Either she was fearless or stupid.

Ganondorf raced around to the other side where his new enemy had landed, intending fully to take him out. This boy was going to _suffer._ Ganondorf was going to skin him and grind his bones. He's never murdered before but today may just be the day. Luckily, though, some of the gods must be on his side because he was instantly bestowed a gift that he was going to thoroughly enjoy. He is fortunate in that he was smart enough to pick up on just what was happening.

He stopped short as he witnessed Zelda, still being held by the boy, make a pouting face. She puffed out her cheeks and gave a tiny wiggle, clearly displeased. "Put me down." She demanded, wanting to be walking now. After all, she was already four! She didn't need to be carried all the time! Just when she wanted to. And much to Ganondorf's surprise, the kid did as he was told, although he didn't look happy to do so.

"Princess, you don't understand-" he was saying, but as he tried to coax Zelda into letting him pick her back up, Ganondorf added the puzzle pieces together. Stopping his attack after Zelda told him so and putting the child down after she gave the command... It clicked in his head just what was going on. First his face twisted into a brilliant, entertained smile. Then, a chuckle erupted from his chest, followed by a complete breakdown into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. He laughed as he wiped his eyes and pointed at the boy, so enormously thrilled by these turns of events.

"Oh gods... HAHAHA, oh shit... Snicker... You have to obey her, don't you?" he asked, but he already figured he knew the answer and kept on laughing. Oh man, this poor peasant couldn't steal her from him if he tried now! She didn't want to be away from him, and although that would normally make Ganondorf frustrated to no end, at this moment it was simply perfect. A curse turned into a blessing. Sort of. He was still stuck with her, but at least he didn't have to give this jerk just what he wanted. It was... oh, it was so satisfying.

"I-" the kid started to say, but he stopped himself short, realizing there was nothing he could say to counter it. It was true, after all. He was duty bound, even to a toddler, to obey royalty. Not that he was going to tell this pervert that. Instead he let out a strong breath in irritation, taking a small step in front of Zelda so he was between her and Ganondorf. He may not be able to take Zelda from Ganondorf at this moment because she said so, but he could still convince her to change her mind. "Princess, I'm going to take you somewhere better than here-"

"Oh shut up, she likes me better. And trust me, that only gives me some pleasure," Ganondorf said with a grin. Amused by this turn of events, his anger had calmed and his mischievous side began to appear. It was clear that this moron wasn't going to just let Ganondorf take Zelda unless Zelda said so, and then he was going to follow. Hm, he was going to need a way to make sure that didn't happen... Aha. He turned his attention to Zelda.

"I have a fun idea," he told her. "A really fun game!"

At the word 'game,' Zelda's face beamed with excitement. "Game?!"

"That's right! A game with... Papa..." he said that with strain. It hurt but he had to really get her to play along. "And this guy here. Wanna play?"

The boy, realizing just what Ganondorf was going to get at, paled as Zelda jumped up and down. "YES!" she screamed, clapping her hands. "Game with Papa and Sheik! Yay!"

"Sheik?" Ganondorf echoed, glancing back up at the boy briefly. Huh, did he tell her his name? Well, no matter, he didn't care. He rubbed his hands together, having a revenge plan in mind. "It's called "Simon Says."

* * *

Now, Ganondorf wasn't sure why this boy, Sheik, had to obey every word the little princess gave. No one back home listened to him very often, and no one back home would especially listen to a toddler's every order. But he decided not to think too hard on it. He sat cross-legged on the soft grass with Zelda perched on one knee (of her own accord, having waddled over the moment he took a seat and instantly took her place without permission). Too happy to shove her off, he instead whispered... suggestions for her to give to Sheik, which one she took quite happily.

One would expect the Prince of Thieves to give orders that were... harsh. Making Sheik inflict physical pain on himself, or eating something foul, to name a few. And he could have, but that wouldn't be as fun. Oh no, before he made sure this weirdo couldn't follow him, he was going to make him suffer in a very different way. And make him suffer he did. Acting like a cucco was particularly humorous for both Ganondorf and Zelda, and they laughed at Sheik's portrayal of the feathered fiends. Sheik, bright red at the ridiculous acts he had to do, was cursing his lineage and obligation to the princess. Damn it, why did this pervert have to find out about this?!

Of course, Zelda was unaware of this humiliation she was bringing to Sheik.

Thankfully for Sheik, Ganondorf grew quickly bored. He noticed that the shadows had moved ever so slightly, and remembered that he wanted to get rid of the child before night fell. Having realized his original mission, he once more regarded Sheik properly. Perhaps he really should leave the kid with him. Then he could go home right here, right now. Quest over. But that word echoed in his head over and over again... Pervert. Pervert. Pervert. Gritting his teeth, he decided to not leave Zelda with this jerk.

"Alright, Zelda, I got one last one," Ganondorf told her.

"Ok, Simon say stop, Sheik!" she called out to Sheik, then leaned closer to her Papa for instruction. As Sheik halted and panted in exhaustion, Ganondorf whispered the last suggestion to her. Happy to see that this game brought her Papa much joy, she was more than happy to call it out. "Simon Say... Um... Stand by tat twee over there and no move!" she said pointing. Letting out a sigh, Sheik did as he was told. As he did, Ganondorf brought out a rope from his satchel and quickly went over to him. With expertise he tied the red-eyed boy to said tree. When it was secure, he leaned in close to be intimidating, flashing him a vicious, triumphant grin.

"Listen up, peasant. I am Ganondorf, Prince and future King of the Gerudo. And next time you think to mess with me, remember that I am a great lord and fear my name!"

"...What?" Sheik growled, narrowing his eyes. "It can't be... a male Gerudo?"

"That's right," Ganondorf said. He withdrew from Sheik and scooped up the princess in his arms. Zelda giggled and wrapped her arms around Ganondorf, happy to be picked up by her Papa. For show, he let her do it, even though he was cringing inside. He wanted the boy to see that she preferred him instead. "I'm taking the princess with me, and you cannot stop me!"

"You pervert!" Sheik yelled after him as Ganondorf climbed back onto his steed with Zelda. Ganondorf pulled down his right eyelid and stuck his tongue out in an immature taunt.

"MEEEEH!"

Satisfied with Sheik's dumbfounded expression, Ganondorf snapped the reigns and shout a command. The horse sprang into a trot was Zelda waved goodbye to Sheik. "BYE-BYE! COME PLAY LATER, OK?!"

Within moments, the horse and its riders were gone from Sheik's view. He stood there against the tree for a moment, thinking about Zelda's last words, before he let out a low chuckle. Oh ho, so the Gerudo thought he got rid of Sheik, did he? Well that was his mistake. The idiot didn't even bother to take away the rest of his weapons away. Sheik shifted in his ropes and grabbed a kunai.

After all, she did say come play. "Don't worry, princess... I'll come right now."

* * *

Unfortunately for our young prince, who was not thinking of Zelda's last words to Sheik as a command, was quite unaware that things were about to get a lot worse for him. But for now, he enjoyed a few moments of victory, feeling extremely proud of himself. Zelda, of course, was in high spirits, always happy to see someone she likes very much.

She was a bit pouty, though, when she realized that they were not going to turn back and she gave a huff of disappointment. "Wanted to play more…." She mumbled, her bottom lip starting to pucker out. While Ganondorf did not have a great view of this, he could tell by the tone of her voice that he was not going to like it if he let her ride these emotions completely through. He was going to have to somehow convince her now that there was no need to get nasty about it.

He chose a…delicate route. "Well, it's over, so don't pout," he said. "That guy was a jerk anyways. A real loser."

"Those aren't nice words," Zelda informed him, before she suddenly started to do a weird little wiggle in her seat. Ganondorf furrowed his eyebrows together, not entirely sure what she was doing. When she didn't stop her dance, Ganondorf pulled his horse to a halt. "What the hell are you doing?!" he asked.

"I gotta peeeeeeee!" Zelda whined.

"What?!" Ganondorf exclaimed. Although he had his moments of brilliance once in awhile, he could seriously be an idiot from time to time. He had not noticed that Zelda had not used the restroom since yesterday. The shock to her system of the events of the past few days, as well as being dehydrated from the desert sun (Ganondorf failed to take this into account when taking care of a small child) kept her from needing to do so. But her bodily functions have now caught up, and she squealed with discomfort.

"I GOTTA-"

"GAH, wait!" Ganondorf yelled, nearly flipping off his horse when he realized by her behavior that she was not going to be waiting. He plucked her off the saddle and set her on the ground. "Ok, go do your thing."

Zelda danced in place, looking up at him with large, confused eyes. "…. What are you doing? Go!" Ganondorf told her.

"But there's no pot!" she said.

The last time she had to use the restroom they hadn't gone far from the fortress, so Ganondorf just turned around and let the women take care of it. But now, he had to. Great. "Then go by a tree or something!" Ganondorf yelled, pointing to some trees nearby. "Right now, go!"

"Ok!" Zelda turned and ran towards the trees. Ganondorf rubbed the corners of his eyes and sighed loudly. Stupid brat, not knowing how to pee in the wild. Everyone knows how to freaking use the bathroom anywhere. It's really not that hard.

"Just a bit longer… Just a bit longer…"

Yes, Rauru should not be far away. Thinking of the Hylian town, Ganondorf took the opportunity to retrieve his map and his cloak, since that's why they stopped earlier. He was still unbelievably cold, and the cloak brought some comfort when he draped it around his shoulders. Its black cloth started to warm up further from the rays of the sun as Ganondorf unrolled the map.

Urg, it was still as impossible to read, and clearly outdated. The path Ganondorf was supposed to be on was there, but it was worn and barely noticeable now. The map showed a forest, but not where Ganondorf stood now-yet there were trees to his right undoubtedly. The women had said the map was old, but how bloody old was it that it didn't even have the trees on it? He supposed he could take comfort knowing that Rauru was probably still there.

"We need to steal better things," Ganondorf mumbled as he rolled the map back up. Feeling confident they were still going the right way, Ganondorf was ready to go. "Alright, shrimp, let's roll!"

There was no response.

"…. Shrimp?" Ganondorf called out, peering towards the trees to check on her. But she wasn't there. Frowning, Ganondorf took a few steps closer, trying to get a better look. "Er…. Little girl? Why aren't you responding?"

Of course, there was no answer to his ridiculous question.

"Er…." Ganondorf looked to his left and right, scratching his head. So… the kid was gone. That's… that's good, right? Ha, he didn't even need to take her all the way back to the town. He can just go home now!

Hm, though…. He didn't know why, but he felt the need to check again. Just to make sure. "I'm going to go home if you aren't there!" he said loudly as he pocketed the map. "Don't think I won't."

Silence.

"Ah, well, I guess that's that!" he said, wiping his hands against each other for a job well done. "Should have made her pee earlier, if that's all it took to get her to leave me alone! I'll just be on my-"

Ganondorf learned two things in those three seconds of being tackled to the ground. One was that Sheik was very, very quiet and extremely stealthy. And two, Sheik was very, _very_ fast. He really should be thankful that Sheik had been ordered by Zelda to not hurt him, or else Ganondorf would be quite dead where he stood, but all Ganondorf could think about as this smaller, missile of a body came crashing into him were some very inappropriate words that simply cannot be shared. As these crude thoughts raced through his mind, along with the wind being knocked out of him, Sheik took the chance to pin one arm to the ground while his forearm pressed against Ganondorf's neck painfully. His eyes were filled with a rage, yet he seemed to actually be in control of himself as he kept the prince on the ground.

"Luckily you didn't get far," Sheik mused, "And those ropes were a cinch. Now," he pressed harder against his throat. Ganondorf gasped. "You will be handing over Zelda to me. No games, no using Zelda's power over me. She's only four, yet you use her like a toy." Ganondorf was starting to count spots as Sheik continued to speak. "Now, I'm going to knock you out, and take the princess with me. This time, you will not-"

He paused to look up when he heard Ganondorf's stead make a strange noise. It snorted a few times during Sheik's speech, then stomped at the ground, before shaking its head in fear. A piercing whine emitted from the beast and gave a kick. Having never heard such a sound from his stallion, Ganondorf tried to twist his head to see what was causing the commotion.

While Ganondorf didn't see anything, Sheik cursed under his breath and released Ganondorf. As soon as he could properly breath, the prince let out a wheezing sound as he took deep breaths, but Sheik gave no notice to the prince's agony as he whipped his head back and forth in search of the princess. When he did not see her, he bent down and grabbed Ganondorf by the shirt. "Where is she?"

"Like I'll tell you," Ganondorf spat. Sheik released him and made a run for the trees. As Ganondorf continued to cough and catch his breath, he went to look back at his horse just in time to see a large, morphing cloud of black come their way. "What the-" Ganondorf started to say, baffled, but there was a deep feeling inside of him that whatever was coming their way was not good. Having most of his senses about him, he managed to get back up and make a dash after Sheik. When he neared a bush he took a dive into it, his heart pounding in his chest. Just as he settled into the leaves he heard a giggle next to him, and he turned his head to see Zelda squatting right beside him, smiling up at him.

"You found m- MM!" she was instantly silenced by Ganondorf as he smacked his hand over her mouth to hush her. She pouted and tried to remove his hand with her tiny ones, but she was unsuccessful.

To be honest, Ganondorf wasn't entirely sure why he was hiding or trying to keep the child quiet. All he saw was a black cloud; there was no reason to assume that it was malicious. But even when he told himself this, he did not get up from his spot. He did, though twist his body to peer through the leaves, his curiosity getting the best of him.

He saw just in time the cloud encircle his horse, which was completely freaked out now. It screamed in terror as it bucked and took off running in the other direction, taking with it all of Ganondorf's supplies. Seeing the cloud up close, he could see that it was a large cloud of bats… Large, grotesque bats, but only bats nonetheless. After about a minute in the area, screeching and circling, they took off, leaving the two boys and the little girl behind.

The moment they were gone Ganondorf released Zelda and stood while Sheik jumped down from the tree he had climbed. As he watched the cloud disappear over the horizon, Ganondorf swore and kicked the bush, pissed.

"Are you kidding me?! A freaking group of bats scared off my horse?! BATS! ARG!" he yelled, gripping his hair in anger. As he stomped around in a circle, muttering nonsense to himself, Sheik folded his arms and watched him, starting to realize how ignorant this self-proclaimed prince was of this land.

Not that it mattered to him. He only cared about the princess's wellbeing and safety. Since she was clearly not safe with this selfish brat, he couldn't just let him take her away. He got on his knees so he was eyelevel with Zelda, taking this opportunity to talk with her while Ganondorf threw a tantrum.

"Hey… Do you remember all the fun times we had at the castle?" Sheik asked, hoping to appeal to her memory. She gave a vigorous nod, before looking up with worry at Ganondorf.

"Is Papa ok?" She watched as Ganondorf was stomping on a leaf viciously.

They both watched him continue to throw a fit. Sheik's eyes had a vacant, unbelieving look to them as he watched a near adult abuse the leaf under his heel. "…He's fine. Princess, you should come with me. Then, we can go have some more fun times together. Doesn't that sound nice?"

She perked up a bit. "Yeah! With Papa!"

Although she couldn't see it, Sheik gave a pained smile at her suggestion. Why did she like this immature loser? "No, no, not with him. He's not-"

Hearing him say no, Zelda put her fingers into her ears. "No, not without Papa!" she yelled.

Sheik frowned just as Ganondorf calmed down and overheard the last part. Seeing that Sheik was trying to convince Zelda to leave him, he quickly came over to punch Sheik in the face. "You little-" He swung directly at Sheik's nose, but Sheik redirected the punch with one swift moment, causing Ganondorf to end up behind him and nearly stumbling onto the ground. Ganondorf turned for another go, but Sheik held up his hand. He had had enough. He knew the princess well enough that there was no convincing her otherwise, and he could not disobey her. However, he did have the next best thing.

"Ok, stop this nonsense," Sheik said, "I'm not taking her from you… For whatever reason you have to keep her."

That stopped Ganondorf, but not without suspicion. He looked over the boy carefully, anger still clearly on his face. "…. What is your game?" Ganondorf asked. "You attack me twice, and now you suddenly give up on me? Heh, you are a fool."

Sheik folded his arms and looked away. "Says the guy who just lost his horse and all of his supplies," he said under his breath, but he made sure to be loud enough so that Ganondorf heard him.

"That's clearly YOUR fault!" Ganondorf blamed, pointing at him. "If you hadn't delayed me, I would have passed those stupid bats long before they got here!" He felt a shiver run down his spine and he drew the cloak he wore closer. "Damn, and now it's going to be late soon…."

"I'm not any more happy to do this than you are. I don't know why you won't just hand her over unless you plan to sell her or something," Sheik gave a sigh as he thought about what he was going to have to do now. "But I'm just going to have to follow you until you finish whatever mission you are on."

"No way," Ganondorf growled instantly. "As if I will let you just follow me. I may not have my horse but I still have a map-"

"-With no knowledge of this land," Sheik interjected. "You won't last long. Which I don't care, but I care about her. So just in case you don't try to kill her, I'm tagging along and you can't stop me. I can't take her because she demanded it so, but I can still make your life completely miserable."

The prince was flabbergasted. "Like hell I'll allow that to happen. Hey, shrimp!" he said, smugly grinning down at Zelda. "Tell this freak to get lost, won't ya?"

Zelda, who was listening intently, shook her head. Still smiling, Ganondorf's smugness grew. "There, you see, she's... Huh?" He whipped his head around to stare back down at her. "Did you just say no?"

"NO!" Zelda yelled, stomping her foot.

"Oi, you can't do that! I'm a prince, you cannot-" Ganondorf snapped, but Zelda remained firm. Her face began to twist into a fearsome, ugly, distressed look as she reached up and gripped Ganondorf's pants, as if she was begging.

"I no want Sheik to leave," she sniffed. "I no want Papa to leave. No fighting! I… I…" Each 'I' got higher and higher as she prepared to cry. Both Ganondorf and Sheik began to panic as the sensed the waterfall of tears threatening the peace and quiet, and both tried to calm her down, although the methods varied.

"It's ok, Princess, don't cry, it will be ok," Sheik said in his calm voice.

Ganondorf was a bit more… well…. "GAH!" he exclaimed, waving his arms frantically. "Ok, ok, don't cry! Urg…" He ran his hand down his face in frustration. He was a prince, but this little shrimp refuses to listen to him at all. "I don't want to hear it! Damn, ok, just stop crying! Since it's only for a few hours, I'll freaking put up with the freak!"

Hearing both of their responses, Zelda wiped her nose as she smiled up at Ganondorf. "Yay!" she declared, looking extremely happy to have her way.

Sheik stood up and sighed. He couldn't believe things turned out like this. He had suspected to run into someone completely different. The fact he was meeting a legendary male Gerudo with the princess instead changed everything. Well, mostly everything. For now, it doesn't change it current directive, but in the long run there was going to have to be a change of plans. To think that he was going to have to stick around and just wait to take the princess back… "Well, since you lost everything, and I don't have enough for a long journey-"

"It's not going to be long," Ganondorf informed him, giving him a glare. He was _not_ happy with the way things were turning out either. Without his horse, his journey just got a whole lot longer by several days, and it was not a journey he was looking forward to doing on foot. "I'm going to drop her off at Rauru and then go home."

"What?" Sheik gaped at him. "You are taking her to Rauru? Are you insane? That's got to be the most idiotic, ignorant thing I have heard today. Why the hell won't you just hand her over to me if you plan to just drop her off, and at Rauru no less?"

"Because you irritate me," Ganondorf replied. As he said this, Zelda reached up and took both Ganondorf's hand and Sheik's hand, grinning like crazy being able to be with her two favorite people in the world.

"Yay, Papa and pretty Sheik!" she sang, unaware of the vicious, murderous glares the two young adults shot at each other, making sure that the other was quite aware of their hatred for each other.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading Papa Ganondorf! And thank you everyone who liked and commented! I love to hear from people who enjoy my work, gets me motivated!**

 **Look out for Chapter 6!**

 **NOTE: Please remember that this is meant to be a bit silly, so many behaviors are thrown out of proportion on purpose. Regardless, I hope it was enjoyable.**

 **Also, thank you to my beta reader, Nintelda, for editing this chapter!**


	6. Things Don't Always Go Your Way

**Papa Ganondorf**

Lesson 6: Things Don't Always Go Your Way

* * *

He sat upon his throne, leg crossed high up on his knee as he slumped in his chair. He supported his head on his right hand's knuckles as he tapped his higher foot in the air with impatience, something he could not control about himself. He knew that this would happen from time to time, feeling his age like this. He knew better than to act like this but he wanted his pets to return this moment with good news about the princess's whereabouts. He couldn't help but pout openly that they have not returned yet, despite handing them the enormous task to find a tiny child in the huge land of Hyrule. It was true by nature they could cover a lot of land as they flew, but if someone was harboring her it would make the search more…. Difficult.

He didn't mind difficult. He loved the challenge, in fact. To see someone with so much confidence to strut before him, intending to strike him down, only to be struck down instead brought him pure exhilaration, a rush that cannot be explained. That look on their faces right before they died at his hands was a drug to him. The more heroes that fell to him, the greater the joy he got. Unadulterated ecstasy. Unfortunately, he still really wanted his cute pets to come home sooner than later. He wasn't sure who betrayed him but whoever it was most likely had the girl, and he couldn't wait to rip him apart limb by delicate limb for his sin. They wouldn't come back until they found her, so until then he was stuck waiting in this chair, pretending… pretending… pretending…

"Bored," he mumbled. When the echo of his word quieted, he said it again a bit louder, tapping his foot to each sound he made. "Bo-re-d!" After that echo faded as well, he slapped his hands against the arms of his throne and jumped to his feet and began to pace, rubbing his chin in thought.

He had wanted to keep this entire enterprise quiet, but perhaps that wouldn't be enough. If the traitor was smart or lucky, he may not simply be found by his bats. He doesn't have the patience like he's had in the past to wait around longer than a day to get what he wanted. The bats would serve him well in the long run, but for now it may be best to get a secondary system in place. It would take time to spread the word across the land, but with the right tools the people of Hyrule could prove to be his greatest weapon against his enemies, and greatly reduce the wait time.

After all, he had certain powers and control. He might as well use them. And if this is done just right…. "Hmmmm… heh," he gave a small laugh. "I simply love it when I get a brilliant idea."

* * *

Miserable. Utterly miserable. That would be the only way to describe the feeling Ganondorf had throughout his entire being. Every fiber in his body radiated with pure misery as he trudged through the accumulating mud, his cloak gripping to his skin as it dripped from the heavy rain that poured about them and the stupid princess clinging to his side as he carried her, trying to stay warm. Beside him, equally suffering, was that tag along who insisted on following them until Ganondorf screwed up and he could take the child for himself.

Lovely.

The prince wasn't entirely sure how he ended up here, wandering this field in a country his people are not normally welcomed in, being followed by a red-eyed moron and carrying the child of the family who condemned his kind years ago. In the rain. Without his horse, weapon, or supplies. He supposed it was simple. After his horse got scared off by a bunch of bats (ridiculous, really, for that to have even happened in the first place) and getting stuck with pretty boy here (this was assumed from Zelda's frequent comments since he couldn't actually see his face), the trio began their trek towards Rauru.

Since they were on foot, the journey's time increased significantly, and this time felt even longer for the prince as he got more and more irritated. After concluding that the best method to getting his way was to follow them, Sheik kept close. He followed far enough away from Ganondorf so he wasn't in a 10 feet radius of him, most likely because of his dislike for him, but near enough that if he needed to he could snatch Zelda and run. Feeling Sheik's eyes on his back constantly without a word grated on Ganondorf's patience.

Then there was the princess, who couldn't read an atmosphere even if it hit her in the face. She had spent much time running back and forth between the two, poking their legs and giggling before darting off to the other. She had occasionally sung her duck song while she was at it, which had eaten away at Ganondorf's stable mentality even more. At one point he and the four year old had gotten in a 'serious' argument that only further cemented into Sheik's mind that his new companion was an idiot.

"I'm just saying, if you weren't so short you could keep up!" Ganondorf had said to the toddler, who pouted up at him.

"I big girl!" she insisted. "I big, big girl!" She had emphasized her point by throwing her arms out wide, but Ganondorf had not been impressed.

"No, you aren't!"

There's no point in further exploring this argument, since its pointlessness and moronic nature is not worth continuing. The point being that it was just as long of a journey for Sheik as it was for Ganondorf, and it would be clear to any onlooker that the only one having a good time was Zelda. This had not been a factor in Sheik's grand plan when he went on his mission to find the young princess. He needed some way to get out of this situation, before something truly awful happens.

Occasionally, Ganondorf had tried to convince Zelda to get rid of Sheik, but he had failed each and every time. And each time Sheik, with the ears of a bat, had sent Ganondorf murderous stares that indicated he had something nasty in mind for the prince the moment he would get the chance.

Ganondorf didn't spend a lot of time wondering about the relationship between Sheik and Zelda, since he didn't care. It didn't affect the situation either way. He was stuck with both of them until he got to Rauru. Of course, it still wasn't too late to just hand her over to Sheik and wave goodbye forever, but he just couldn't bring himself to give Sheik exactly what he wanted. Even just forgetting the mission and leaving the kid in the middle of this field would now lead to Sheik's success. He would just pick her up and go on his way. No, now he _had_ to finish this, and he cursed himself for not fighting the women back home harder on this or just throwing the parasite back into the desert when they weren't looking. He's not sure why he didn't just do that before, he had plenty of opportunities.

Maybe his motivation had nothing to do with the kid. The kid was just a means. A means to travel into Hyrule proper, which is strictly forbidden for him to do so by his mothers. He didn't understand why. The Hylians should know who the future King of Thieves is, after all. But their power was great, and Ganondorf was no match for them yet. So whoever has power has control, but that threat seems… reduced with a mission at hand. Yes, that had to be it. Ganondorf wanted to see as much of Hyrule as possible, and if he just dumped the kid anywhere else along the way, he wouldn't have been able to do so. At least, he would no longer have the excuse to.

But dear gods, Hyrule was FREEZING. And also very, very wet, as Ganondorf soon found out.

The rain had started at dusk and continued well into the night. By then Zelda had somehow convinced Ganondorf to carry her (it took her nearly an hour of begging and arguing before he caved), which in the end turned out to be sort of nice… She was like a hot water bottle in this cold, unforgiving place. Whoever said Hyrule was a paradise was a liar. The lush land was great, sure, but this climate was terrible. Of course, she quickly grew heavy and Ganondorf wanted to drop her, but she had started to doze on his shoulder after the sun had set. She clung to his clothes like a thorn, and even with Sheik trying to pry her off so he could carry her she would not let go. More determined to end this quest than to sulk about it, Ganondorf pressed on.

He cursed rain. It was ruining his shoes.

It must have been around midnight when the exhausted youngsters reached Rauru. It was Sheik who saw the lights of the village first and got Ganondorf's attention. He was still pissed about going to this village but with this rain it would be best to get Zelda out of it as soon as possible before she got ill. They quickly climbed a small hill to get a glimpse of the only building with lights flickering inside at the edge of town. It was too dark for Ganondorf to marvel at his first sighting of a Hylian village, and he was too miserable to care. All he could think about was that his quest was almost over and that he could go home. Perhaps at first he wanted to see as much of Hyrule as possible, but that feeling has long since passed.

Eager for warmth and a roof over his head, Ganondorf started down towards the building. Sheik grabbed his cloak to stop him. "What are you doing?" he asked, a serious look in his eye. "We aren't going to that building." Sheik had to raise his voice a little to be heard over the rain.

Ganondorf looked back at it, confused. It looked warm and people were up… That was more than enough for him. "Of course we are," he said. "That's where I'm going to hand over this shrimp to the first person I see, steal a purse to buy some food… or heck, I'll steal the food, and then sleep off this cold before I steal someone's horse and go home." He was still salty about his horse running off but at least it was trained to make its way home eventually.

"Hand… Hand over?!" Sheik frowned at this. This Gerudo's ignorance was going to get them captured or killed. "You are not handing over the princess to just anyone. Your ignorance knows no bounds."

Ganondorf gave him a dull, unamused expression. "Oh really?"

"For one thing, that's a tavern," Sheik told him, folding his arms. "Let's go check out the other buildings, see if any of them are empty or-"

"Listen, you pale-faced weakling," Ganondorf said, looming over the shorter Sheik and jamming his finger into his chest. "I'm cold and wet, and that place looks warm and dry. I don't see the problem of just going down there, because there is none. So, we are going there and you do not have the power to stop me, peasant."

Sheik narrowed his eyes, not intimidated by Ganondorf's display of dominance. "It is highly inappropriate to take a young child, especially a princess, to a tavern, and I will not allow you to bring her in there," he told him sternly.

* * *

Ganondorf threw the doors wide open to the tavern as he paraded in with Zelda in his arms.

The instant the door hit the wall, every face in that extremely full tavern turned to stare Ganondorf and Sheik as they entered. A lot of the chatter stopped as both men and women gave the new arrivals looks that were a mix of inquiry and hostility, as if each person was asking who dared to enter this place so late in the night. Ganondorf had it all planned out for when he came in here. He was going to walk to the nearest person and without a word drop off the kid and make a dash for it. It was brilliant, to say in the least.

Except that plan instantly went out the window when he scanned all of those faces and realized that this tavern was full of thugs, lowlifes, and shady individuals. For a moment that he would later not too proud of, he actually froze in surprise at what he saw. Big, hairy, terrifying looking men and women alike all had their eyes on him (for some just the one eye they had), each one of them wondering what the hell this stranger was doing and who he was. Ganondorf had expected to see a different scene. He had seen large scary Hylians before, but not so many in one room with so much hostility twisting the atmosphere.

He would have stood there longer, calling for more unwanted attention to himself, if Sheik hadn't grabbed his shoulder and dragged him to an empty table. Ganondorf stumbled into a seat as conversation resumed again, though many people were still watching them carefully. After all, they did bring a child with them out from the rain in the middle of the night.

"You fool," Sheik said in a whisper, taking a seat of his own and scooting close to Ganondorf to whisper unheard by others. "What was with that reaction?"

Realizing that he just looked weak, Ganondorf sat up a bit straighter. There was no reason for him to be afraid, he was Ganondorf, Prince of the Gerudo! It was they who should be terrified! "I don't know to what you are referring to."

"You just marched into a tavern with some of the most dangerous people in Hyrule," Sheik whispered. It was in these next few moments that Ganondorf learned from the boy that Rauru was essentially a town entirely populated with black market traders, outlaws, and pirates. Because it lies so close to the borders of the Gerudo, many more well-mannered people with honest livings deliberately chose not to live there, making room for the more ragged Hylians to settle. "I was already against bringing her here to begin with!"

"Well, why didn't you just say so earlier!" Ganondorf growled quietly, starting to fully recognize the error of this plan, and was starting to have murderous thoughts again about the women back home. They must have known this when they sent him on his way here…. Those jerks.

"I did."

"You did not," Ganondorf gasped at his lie. "You called me insane. You need to learn how to say useful stuff that isn't some riddle for me to solve!" Ganondorf whispered viciously back.

"Hey!" The interruption made both boys jump and turn to look up at a monster of a woman, who held giant mugs full of beer in one of her hands. Seeing Ganondorf starting to lift his head, Sheik quickly smashed his heel into Ganondorf's toes underneath the table. Feeling the little bones nearly break, Ganondorf let out a painful gasp and shriveled up a bit in pain, his forehead nearly touching the tabletop. While he writhed in agony, Sheik gave a wave with his hand.

"We don't want anything," Sheik told her. "Just getting out of the rain a bit."

"Oh really? A Sheikah, all the way out here, just stopping in for a spell with a hooded weirdo carrying a little brat?" the woman asked sarcastically.

"Yes," Sheik said, narrowing his eyes a bit. The silence between them was only broken by the string of curses Ganondorf was spewing under his breath. After the stare down between them, the woman scoffed and placed a hand on her hip. "Aight, I get it. Tell ya what, _Sheikah_ ," she said that word as if it was poison, "I'll bring over a lamp and water for the brat, free of charge, since I ain't a total monster like you and your…" she glanced at the shaking form of Ganondorf, who was starting to recover from the pain, "…. Just don't be causing problems, or you won't be here long."

After she stomped away, Ganondorf lifted his head with fire in his eyes. "What the hell was that for?!" he hissed.

"You have to keep your head low," Sheik said. "I don't care what happens to you, but if something _does_ happen then it will affect the princess too. They don't like the Gerudo here."

"Prick," Ganondorf muttered, sitting up a bit when the pain began to subdue. "Well, they clearly don't like your kind either. So, you are a Sheikah." Ganondorf had heard of them before, but he had never met one. It all made sense now. They were the dogs of the Hylian Royal Family. They were told to jump, and they were only to reply with 'How high?' No wonder he obeyed the kid despite her age.

And lucky for Ganondorf, too. There were… nasty whispers about Sheik's people. Dark, terrible secrets, secrets that even rivaled those spoken about the Gerudo. Torture, assassins, murderers… and yet, many of the women back home have also told him that they were revered by many as protectors and guardians. It was a strange mix which made the Sheikah only more terrifying. The lack of similarity between the rumors made the mystery deeper and the unknown more unpredictable.

"You really don't know anything," Sheik said this with some kind of awe. His expression didn't relax but the edge was gone from his voice. "Well, they won't mess with me. But with you, well… it won't be pretty." Despite the venom gone from his voice, there was no denying the satisfaction in Sheik's voice at the thought.

Before Ganondorf could ask any further, he felt Zelda stir in his arms and open her eyes. She licked her lips a bit as she pushed away from Ganondorf, rubbing her eyes as she examined her new environment. Relieved that she was awake, Ganondorf pulled a chair closer with his foot. In her state she was now easy to peel from his body, which Ganondorf did fairly quickly, and he plopped her in the chair. She blinked up sleepily at him, giving him a tiny smile. "Where are we, Papa?"

"Grrr, I'm not your Papa," Ganondorf told her. "And we are at your new home."

"What are you talking about?" Sheik asked, the dangerous tone returning. "You can't honestly believe that you are going to leave her here."

"Why not?" Ganondorf asked, leaning back. "After all, my plan was to drop her off here since the beginning. Sure, it was a surprise to learn it's a town full of wannabe villains, but doesn't change my mission."

Sheik reached over the table and grabbed Ganondorf by the collar and pulled him closer. His violent reaction didn't even startle neighboring tables, all of these customers used to much worse, but it did catch Ganondorf off guard. "You are a vile person," Sheik spat.

Vile? Was he vile? Huh. "Music to my ears," Ganondorf grinned. "I'm going to be the greatest King of Thieves ever to live, and if I didn't get called a name or two then I wouldn't be doing it right!"

"Hmph, greatest my… Where's the princess?" he asked suddenly. His grip on Ganondorf's clothes loosened as they both turned to stare at the now empty chair where Zelda had once sat.

Neither one said anything for a moment before their heads started whipping around as they searched for her, but the tiny child was nowhere to be seen. "Um…." Ganondorf mumbled, checking under the table. When he didn't see her, he gave Sheik a shrug.

"What, weren't you watching her?" Ganondorf asked.

"I thought you were supposed to be the greatest King of Thieves?!" Sheik whispered sharply and quickly, implying that his failure to keep an eye on the princess reflected his abilities as a thief.

"I still am!" Ganondorf hissed back, catching on to his meaning. "But this doesn't concern me. I'm free of her now."

"That's true…" Sheik said, looking at him closely.

They both stood there staring at each other, before they shot off in opposite directions, determined to find the princess first. Ganondorf cursed himself at forgetting Sheik has been ready to take her at the next opportune moment, while Sheik silently cheered at Ganondorf's idiotic memory.

Sheik, remembering how the princess loved her games, decided to look around the tables for her. More than likely she was ducked under one. Not afraid to deter or anger the guests that this establishment, Sheik pushed past them as he peeked under the tables they sat at, earning a few curses and pushes. He had only looked under a few when a man grabbed his shoulder.

"What are you looking for, girly?" the man asked. When Sheik didn't answer the man let go. "We don't take kindly to Sheikah snooping around here, especially the female ones."

Sheik narrowed her eyes, but decided not to dwell on his words. Frankly, she didn't blame him. "I'll keep that in mind," Sheik said, before going back to her search.

While Sheik ran into a bit of trouble, Ganondorf found the princess first. It was a bit difficult since he had to keep his head low, not wanting to be identified as a Gerudo here. Although he had no reason to fear this people, Sheik's warning had wormed its way into his gut. Despite his hatred for the kid, he couldn't ignore what he had said about the folks here.

Ganondorf could barely believe his eyes when he found her. Zelda sipped a glass of water as she sat on a very high stool, sitting next to a burly man with an eyepatch and a zagged scar down his arm. He stared down at the little girl in bewilderment, but didn't say anything to interrupt her excess chatter or made a face at her one-sided conversation. The woman from before was cleaning a glass with a dirty cloth as she listened as well. "And so Papa needs me, but shhhh," she said as she pressed her finger against her lips. "That secret, ok?" The man gave a small grunt and Zelda giggled happily. "But guess what?" She stood up on the stool so she could lean in closer to the man's ear, cupping her hands around her mouth. "Papa is a pervert!"

"GAH!" Ganondorf exclaimed, swiping her off the stool as the man slowly turned to face him, the frown that was already on his face somehow getting worse as he gripped his beer tightly in clear disapproval. Neither Sheik nor Ganondorf had told her what a pervert actually was, which invited her to spread the good news about her Papa. That freaking idiot, calling Ganondorf a pervert in front of her.

"Papa!" she said with joy, instantly wrapping her arms around him and snuggling her face into his shoulder. The man gave a low, primal growl when he made the connection between pervert, Papa, and this shady hooded person in front of him, and Ganondorf felt a small panic.

"I-it's not what it looks like!" he told him, holding up his free hand defensively. "She's just confused, and I'm not her Papa!" He noticed that the woman was also giving him a frightfully dangerous look and he started to attempt to pry Zelda's arms off from around his neck. "Honest! And that's more than I ever have been to you peo-" he instantly stopped what he was saying as he realized that he may have tipped his hand. Both the one-eyed man and the hostess cracked their knuckles as they sensed that something very strange was going on here. Ganondorf would have been in trouble if he was not saved by three men walking into the bar.

As before, everyone turned their heads to see who dared to enter their tavern. Ganondorf watched as the hostess and her customer did the same. To his surprise, their expressions changed… for the worse. Whoever walked through that door, they clearly hated them more than they were hating Ganondorf. In a moment of curiosity, Ganondorf found himself glancing in the direction of the newcomers and froze. Uh-oh… He knew those men.

He didn't move at first, almost unable to believe his eyes for what he was seeing. And yet they were clearly there, dripping wet from the rain. As they surveyed the tavern, Ganondorf found himself able to move again in time to turn his body so that they could not see his face or the princess. Judging by the lack of any response from them, they must not have recognized him or have seen the princess. Seizing the opportunity, Ganondorf quickly slipped back into the crowd and to his table, glad that the princess was keeping quiet.

"Why do you look panicked?" Sheik asked, not really caring as Ganondorf reached his seat. He was pretty bummed for not finding Zelda first. Ganondorf sat down and hunched over, pulling his hood as far across his face as he could. He heard three sets heavy of footsteps make their way to the bar, but he didn't dare check to see just what they were doing.

"Hey-" Sheik began to say, but Ganondorf gave him a look to silence him.

"Those three men that just walked in… I sort of stole Zelda from them and then left them in the desert to die…"

"What?!"

"How did they get out and get all the way here?!" Ganondorf whispered frantically. Normally he never has to face his victims again after he steals from them (or leaves them in the desert to die). And even if he did he wouldn't be cowering like a child from them. But this was different. For one thing, there were three of them, and now that he was seeing all of them up close and together he realized that they were very similar to the people in this tavern- Big, tough, and angry. And this time he doesn't have the home field advantage. He knew little to none about this land, being followed by a Sheikah who would be more than happy to put a knife in his back and in a building full of people who would turn on him just as quickly.

Oh man, either they knew where he was going or they have the greatest luck in the world. There was no doubt in Ganondorf's mind that they were probably looking for the kid. And hell, he would give her back in an instant if he wasn't a bit afraid that he would die here tonight. He cursed his weakness. He was supposed to become a great king, yet he sat here cowering like a peasant. Pathetic.

Since Sheik was facing their direction, he looked up to check on them. He saw the three men standing around the bar, having a heated discussion with the mountain woman. Just like Ganondorf, he suddenly ducked his head and tried to blend into the shadows. Ganondorf gave him an inquisitive look at his strange behavior. "Don't tell me you stole from them too."

"Hmph, I'm not so petty," Sheik hissed. He gave a nod towards the men. "I know those three, and they are not a good sign. Give me the princess now so I can get her to safety, before they see either one of us."

"No way," Ganondorf replied, determined to not give her over to Sheik. He made sure Zelda, who was yawning and a bit out of it, was covered by his cloak so they wouldn't see her. "We'll just wait until they… go away."

"Look at the 'greatest King of Thieves,' being a coward," Sheik's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Oh, as if you are being any different, 'deadly Sheikah'," Ganondorf shot back. He was prepared to say more when a glass suddenly flew by his ear and shattered against the wall, and both he and Sheik froze again as voices rose over by the bar. Everything else quieted as an argument was growing between the new arrivals and the bartender. Zelda opened her mouth and started to make a terrified, startled sound, but Ganondorf quickly covered her mouth before she did. He dared to turn his head slightly to watch what was happening from his peripheral. As much as he wanted to get rid of the little girl, he didn't want to get caught much, much more.

"I won't warn you again, get out of my establishment!" the woman snarled loudly. Her customers all had their eyes on the trio now, a growing hostility in the air. Sheik figured that many of them were regulars, and would no doubt have a protective instinct to their favorite watering hole and the hostess who owned it. But this did not make the three men nervous in the slightest. Two of them stood on either side of the one who was speaking to the woman, and he did not look fazed by her behavior.

"And I won't be leaving until I get a straight answer," he said, blowing some of his blonde strands of hair out of his face. "Now, let's try this again. Have you seen anyone suspicious with a child? Blonde, blue eyes, Hylian. She may be with one of those Gerudo women."

"We don't get their kind often, knight," the woman retorted.

"That's not an answer," the knight said.

The woman slammed her hand on the counter and gave him a cold stare. "… No, no Gerudo women here."

One of the knights next to the blonde one shifted his position to glance out into the crowd of people, making the scar on his left cheek visible. Ganondorf turned back around in his chair, feeling a bit of sweat bead up on his forehead. That knight just now… he recognized him. He was the one he stole Zelda directly from. In fact, he knew that Ganondorf was a male Gerudo. So why was he not correcting his comrade about Zelda being with a female Gerudo, when there was also a chance that she was with him?

Ganondorf peeked down at Zelda. Something… didn't feel right. Someone back home at mentioned it before when she wondered why royal horses were in the desert, especially with all the unrest between the two groups. Ganondorf hadn't cared before, but now after the arrival of this Sheikah and the mystery behind these three knights… Well, it was starting to become very hard to ignore. Not that he cared about the fate of the princess but if there was something brewing in Hyrule it could spell a number of things. Doom or paradise for Ganondorf, he wasn't sure yet. All he knew right now was that he needed to get out of here.

The blonde knight didn't care for the woman's answer, and it was clear from his response. "… Well, if you change your mind about your answer, you will be given a second chance after my comrades and I rest up." He made a signal with his hand for his fellow knights to follow him to a table that was away from where Ganondorf and Sheik sat. Sheik let out a small breath of relief, glad that the darkness of the tavern and the general density of people made it difficult for him to stand out. As they got further away he leaned in closer to the prince. "Alright, very carefully while they are distracted we are going to get out of here."

"What?" Ganondorf asked, but Sheik held a finger up to his lips.

"Shhh. We can't stay here. They will eventually see me and you. We need to carefully make our way to the door without causing a scene."

"Are you crazy? We can't move without someone making a big deal about it!"

"Then get caught, I don't care. As long as the princess isn't captured herself, of course."

Damn it. The Sheikah cared only about the girl, which means that if he insists on escaping, then it was probably a good idea. Damn it all. Zelda glanced upwards at Ganondorf, watching as Ganondorf made a disgusted face to go with his nod of agreement. Satisfied, Sheik indicated to the exit.

"Ok, just get up slowly and follow me out that door. We are going to slip out quietly. And Zelda, stay quiet, ok?"

"Fine," Ganondorf growled, unhappy to be following orders. Zelda also gave a rapid nod that she understood her order. With that, Ganondorf and Sheik stood up and started to inch their way to the door. They made it about halfway undisturbed when…

"That little girl must be damn important," a loud, drunk voice suddenly announced. The knights had been passing one of the men by the counter when he suddenly spoke up. They all stopped when they heard him, and he took another swig from his mug. "After all, why send three knights and a Sheikah warrior all the way out here just to find one child?"

The blonde knight, upon hearing that, took a step closer the drunk man and placed his hand dangerously on his shoulder. "A Sheikah warrior?"

"Yup," the man replied, watching the beer in his hand intently.

"And where is this Sheikah now?" the knight asked, and everyone turned and pointed without hesitation to where Sheik had once stood, bringing their attention to the exit door closing behind someone who was leaving very, very quickly.

"Shit, let's go, men!" the blond knight commanded. All three thundered towards the door and nearly busted it down as they charged through, but both Ganondorf and Sheik with Zelda in their arms had vanished into the night without a trace to follow.

The lead knight cursed again when he could not tell which direction they had gone, but their night only got a lost worse when they heard a clicking sound behind them as the tavern hostess locked the door.

* * *

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	7. Teaching Is Important!

**Papa Ganondorf**

* * *

Lesson 7: Teaching Is Important!

Ganondorf woke up to Zelda's tiny foot in his face and hay in places where the sun didn't shine. He squinted at the bright light of early morning, unmoving while his mind struggled to get going. In a temporary state of confusion, Ganondorf found that he couldn't quite remember where he was or how he got there. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he turned his head slightly to check his surroundings and quickly met the unpleasant stare of Sheik, and the feeling of dread quickly returned to his body as he remembered.

After running out of that tavern last night, Sheik had led Ganondorf to a barn. There they hid amongst the hay and straw, surrounded by the stench of farm animals, until both Ganondorf and Zelda had dozed off as the feeling of danger had passed. Ganondorf was pretty sure that Zelda was not in his arms when they went to sleep, but somehow the parasite had slid over in her slumber and curled up to him as close as possible. Great.

Seeing that Sheik had been watching him as he slept, Ganondorf jolted fully awake, nearly flipping Zelda off him in the process. Zelda did an unhappy wiggle in the hay at being so rudely awakened as Ganondorf scooted as far away from Sheik as possible. He didn't get too far though as his back hit the wall of the barn.

"The hell?! What are you doing?" Ganondorf gasped. Sheik looked startled at the wild display Ganondorf's fiery red hair before he gave any sort of response.

"Waiting for you to wake up," Sheik replied monotonously.

"Ok, but why are you... _watching_ me?" Ganondorf clarified, feeling very much violated.

"Don't flatter yourself," Sheik said, sitting back against the wall and crossing his arms across his chest. "I wasn't watching you. I was wondering why Zelda is so fascinated with you, that's all."

Only awake for three minutes and already Ganondorf felt deeply insulted (although he has been wondering the same thing since he met the thing). The way he said that sounded as if he had some sort of flaw about Ganondorf in mind, and as far as Ganondorf was concerned he was flawless. He narrowed his eyes as he glared at Sheik. "What do you mean by that?" he asked a bit viciously.

Sheik closed his eyes and sighed deeply at his question. This whole situation was truly strange to him, sitting here in the barn with the Princess of Hyrule and her fated enemy, who did not seem to know his place in history at all. Sheik would expect such ignorance from the common people. History gets lost or twisted as it becomes memories. Memories become legends as generations go by, and legends soon turn into bedtimes tales. Only fear has lingered in the hearts of the people. A fear of the darkness and the army it has raised again and again.

Perhaps it had been naïve for him to assume, but he had figured Ganondorf would know… more. Much more of his fated relationship with the Royal Family. But if he did, he wouldn't be asking all these questions or acting the way he has been. When it comes down to it, Sheik was stuck with a spoiled prince by Zelda's orders (of which Sheik silently cursed the ways of his people).

"Hey," Ganondorf's voice broke his thoughts, impatient. Sheik opened his eyes and gave a shrug.

"…. Your mission was just to bring her here, wasn't it?"

"Don't change the subject," Ganondorf growled. Zelda finally sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before beaming up at her two caretakers. She wiggled closer to Ganondorf's side (much to both of the older kids' irritation) and wrapped her arm around his.

"Hungwey!" she announced loudly.

Ganondorf's head whipped around to glare at her before removing his arm as best he could from her iron grip. "So is everyone here, but thanks to someone-" he made sure to give Sheik a nasty look as he said this, "All our food is gone." It went with the horse.

"That was not my fault," Sheik said dryly.

"If you hadn't delayed me by attacking me, then I would be on my way home right now," Ganondorf snapped back.

"No, you would be dead if I hadn't been here to make sure you weren't caught by the people of Rauru."

Ganondorf's hands balled into fists at that. How _dare_ this outsider, this peasant, suggest that he, the Great Prince and Future King of Thieves, would have suffered at the hands of those below him? Granted, he was taken aback last night… and he may have acted a bit… out of character by running from those knights. But he was the son of the great sorceresses of his people, raised with a bow in one hand and a sword in the other. Last night was a fluke, but a reminder that he should never allow a Hylian to strike fear in his heart. And not this Sheikah, either.

He had put up with this freak for a while now, something he should not have had to do at all. Why the hell did he want the little brat so damn much?!

"…. Why are you even here?" Ganondorf finally asked a sensible question. He knew the Sheikah wasn't happy to be there with him either. Sure, the kid was a princess and that made her important, but what was driving Sheik to put up with this situation? It was obvious they have some sort of history together; Zelda had recognized Sheik when he first dared to show his face. "I mean, you clearly hate me and I certainly hate you. Why are you all the way out here to find this kid?" He pointed to Zelda, who puffed her cheeks in irritation out at being called a kid. He didn't ask about the knights, though, because he didn't care whether they were good or bad. As far as Ganondorf was concerned, they were an obstacle in his life and nothing more.

Sheik didn't respond at first, watching the prince for a moment as if to see if he was being serious when he asked that question. After a few seconds he seemed satisfied and gave a low, amused chuckle.

"Because she's the princess." His tone suggested that the answer should have been obvious.

This guy was purposely dodging his inquires, and if he didn't change his ways soon Ganondorf was going to kill him. "That's not an-"

"HUNGWEY!" Zelda proceeded to remind them again, patting her stomach loudly. In all the excitement yesterday she had forgotten her hunger, but now in the face of a fresh morning she had been quickly reminded by the sound of her growling stomach. "Papa, food!"

In response Ganondorf bonked her on the head. "No interrupting, it's rude!" he told her, tired of her constant childish (and normal) needs, like feeding and such.

Zelda rubbed the spot where Ganondorf had hit her (even though it hadn't been very hard at all or painful in any way). But still determined to say something, she raised her hand up high and shook it vigorously so that she would be called on. Sheik, meanwhile, gave a disapproving look. "Hitting the Princess of Hyrule isn't acceptable," Sheik said, before returning to his original question, hoping to keep Ganondorf's attention off of asking questions. The less he knows the better; it would be to Sheik's advantage later when the time comes. "Your mission was to bring her here, correct? Well, you may not have just handed her off to the first person you saw but you did bring her here. Just stop being a pain and give her to me. She's of no use to your life."

Ganondorf couldn't deny that he had a point. This trip was just getting worse and worse; hell, he even had to sleep in a barn with filthy animals. He was hungry, cold, and everything he owned except for his cloak and his map was gone. She would have been useful to him in the beginning if he could have just ransomed her back off to the royal family like he originally wanted to….

He suddenly sat up a little straighter at the thought. But of course! That was it! Perhaps there was still a way to turn this around! There was an alternate method to get what he wanted by both preventing Sheik from getting the girl and to get some money out of the deal. Oh-ho, it was genius. Unfortunately, it was going to take a bit of help from the Sheikah first… As regrettable as it was, Ganondorf's knowledge of Hyrule was… lacking. He would have to be careful as to not let on to his plan.

This meant, of course, denying Sheik's request again. Ganondorf grinned, picked up Zelda and put her in his lap. In her shock she stopped raising her hand, before her eyes began to sparkle with joy in being in Papa's lap. He patted her head to aggravate Sheik, enjoying his suffering immensely. It worked too, but Sheik knew that Zelda wouldn't let him take her away, so he sat wallowing in anger as Ganondorf spoke.

"No way, I'm still going to complete my mission," Ganondorf said. He was clever from time to time, and this was one of those moments. "I'm going to just take her to the next best town."

Yes he was. Oh, it was too perfect. By utilizing Sheik's knowledge of the land, Ganondorf was going to find out the town the most Hylian military personal frequent. Sheik was going to continue to follow him, so Ganondorf might as well use him. Once he was there, he was going to locate the first officer he could find and ransom the girl back to them. They will have to give him the money, or else they won't get their precious princess back. And once he got what he wanted, he will hand her over to them, where they will make sure that the Sheikah warrior does not get her for himself. He had no intention to hand her over to the knights he had originally stolen from… for various reasons. As long as he's careful, this plan had a pretty good chance of working.

Sheik was working very hard to remain calm, although he was pissed that Ganondorf again refused to do as he asked. "… What?" he asked slowly.

"I have time," Ganondorf said, giving a shrug, trying to look nonchalant about it. It was sort of true. The women would be expecting him to come home soon, but the ones he was worried about were his mothers… and he was sure they would be gone on their trip for a while. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the map he had managed to save before his horse took off. It was still damp from the rain last night, but it should still be readable. Upon seeing the papyrus, Sheik's eyes went up in surprise.

"You actually have a map?" Sheik asked, watching Ganondorf open it and flatten it as best he could on the floor. "Map, map, map!" Zelda sang and clapped her hands. Sheik scooted a bit closer to see as Ganondorf pointed to a town that was the closest to Rauru. Unfortunately, he couldn't read the Hylian lettering for the name, but he was counting on Sheik to fill in the blanks.

"Maybe here would be best?" Ganondorf asked, trying to coax information out of his companion. "Lots of normal people here, or lots of knights?" It wasn't completely subtle but he was hoping Sheik wouldn't catch on.

He didn't. He was too distracted by something else. "This map is useless!" he exclaimed.

"… Excuse me?" Ganondorf asked, as Zelda giggled at something she found amusing, but it was unclear just what it was.

"Look at it!" Sheik swept his hand over the map to indicate to the whole thing. "It's ancient! It's way out of date! A few of these towns don't even exist anymore." He sighed and crossed his legs as he leaned his chin onto the palm of his hand. "Just great, I'm stuck with a thief, and he's the worst thief of all time. You couldn't even steal the good stuff, could you?"

"For your information, I didn't steal this one. The women in my tribe did," he mumbled that last part under his breath. "And I am a great thief. I stole the princess, didn't I?"

Sheik was quietly wondering just how that happened, anyway, but he didn't press for the story. It didn't matter how Ganondorf got the princess; the fact remains that he still had her. "Look," he said tiredly, pointing to a town that was a far away from Rauru. "If you are so dead set on taking the princess anywhere then take her here. It still exists and has very little traffic. This one is known as Saria. She will be safe here."

"That's all the way on the other side of Hyrule," Ganondorf noted, deciding that this was probably not a good town to go to. It didn't sound like a Hylian soldier hub.

"It's right next to the forest. It will take at least a week or more on foot to get there, but thanks to the rumors about the woods now only a few people live here, mostly farmers and simple folk. We will just have to be sure to avoid the other towns along the way so we don't draw too much attention to ourselves."

A week?! That was a ridiculous amount of time. There had to be something closer. "So…." Ganondorf racked his brain to find a way to trick Sheik into revealing the town Ganondorf would want to go to. "What's along the way?"

"Hmmmm…" Sheik stroked his chin as he tried to recall what towns were between here and Saria. "A few places, but we need to make sure to avoid Mido town. It's not huge but it's sort of a hub for many travelers to pass through to other towns. We could maybe stop at Darunia to restock on supplies but that's a popular Goron vacation spot so maybe not… And we need to especially avoid Kakariko Village."

"Kakariko!" Zelda giggled.

"Quiet, no interrupting," Ganondorf told her. Zelda instantly covered her mouth with her hands. "Why do we need avoid Kakariko?"

Sheik suddenly rolled the map up and handed it back to Ganondorf before getting to his feet, brushing the straw off his clothes. "We better get going before we are discovered," he said. _Especially if those knights are still in town,_ Sheik thought to himself. "But we need to find a way to get supplies. We don't have enough for three people for a week."

Taking the map in his hands, Ganondorf gave a small grunt at the not so subtle change of subject. But it was true, they were going to need at least a few water skins and some preserved food for the road. And by the sounds of it, Kakariko Village was the chosen destination to go to. This means he was going to have to put up with Sheik and Zelda for some more time, but it will all be worth it in the end. He could just feel it….

Suddenly, Ganondorf felt a tiny hand smash right into his nose and because it hit him just right, it hurt like hell. His head snapped back in pain as he gave a sharp cry, his hand flying up to his nose as it stung. Sheik's eyes had gone with surprise as he witnessed Zelda's hand shooting upwards as she raised her hand, completely disregarding whatever was in her way. As Ganondorf moaned she continued to keep her hand raised, once again waving it vigorously so that she would be called on.

"Yes, princess?" Sheik asked, raising his eyebrow and trying not to laugh.

"I'm hungwey!" she stated once more. She had remembered that it was rude to interrupt and made sure to raise her hand like a good girl this time. At her proclamation, Sheik snickered, very glad to have witnessed Zelda essentially smacking Ganondorf in the face.

"Good girl," he told her.

* * *

Their first objective was to find supplies. Ganondorf had planned to nick some before they departed Rauru, but that plan quickly changed when they learned that the town was still not happy about what had happened last night. News apparently spread fast here that there were strangers that brought along knights from Hyrule on their heels, and no one appreciated this. In other words, they couldn't even get near the houses without someone attempting to throw a bottle at their head, which was the kindest thing done to them. They didn't wander around long as to not get caught by the knights, in case they were still there, but it seemed as if they had left. Sheik guessed that they had probably assumed that him and Ganondorf had slipped out of town during the night and had no reason to stick around. Hopefully, they were going in the opposite direction and they would not run into each other again in the future.

But the townspeople were still quite unkind to them. Not wanting to endanger the princess, Sheik managed to convince Ganondorf to just leave and look for a merchant of some kind along the way.

"There are many rivers and streams with lots of fruit-bearing trees. Trust me, we won't starve," Sheik had said. Ganondorf's stomach had growled loudly at the mention of food. He really just wanted to eat just as much as Zelda, so once they were outside of town Sheik revealed that he had a small bag of pickled vegetables on him. He shared the food with everyone, even Ganondorf. It wasn't enough to satisfy but it was enough to stave off crippling hunger and stop Zelda from her excessive whining. After the quick breakfast they began their trek to Saria, or in Ganondorf's plan, Kakariko Village.

Zelda quickly grew tired after about two miles of walking, and instantly reached up for Ganondorf to pick her up. "Papa, carry me!" she demanded. Ganondorf recoiled visibly, not wanting to carry the princess yet again and was not ready for another hour of arguing until she would get her way like last night. Sheik bent down to her level.

"Why don't you let me carry you?" he suggested. "I'm much more comfortable than this pathetic prince."

"No," she snapped, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, no way. The moment you get her you'll take off," Ganondorf growled (starting to get used to being called nasty things).

"You know I can't," Sheik mumbled, disappointed that Zelda didn't want him to carry her. He straightened back up and rubbed the back of his head, dejected. "Why do you like him more than me…" he said quietly.

Ignoring that, Ganondorf glared down at Zelda. "You can just walk."

"No, I'm… I'm… tired!"

"You keep saying you're a big girl, and the only big girls I know walk by themselves. So, you can walk!"

"Then I'm a wittle girl!" she decided, determined to be carried right then and there by her Papa.

It was actually kind of impressive just how she wouldn't back down. "You have got to be a force of nature," Ganondorf sighed, already exhausted by this child.

It seemed that Zelda was about to win her fight for affection when they all saw something in the distance that made them fall silent in surprise. As luck would have it, it was a peddler. But not just any peddler; this was a peddler that Ganondorf recognized. He was one of the few Hylians who frequented the desert by will, not afraid of the Gerudo or the shifting sands of the Haunted Wasteland thanks to his mode of transportation: a flying carpet. It was a strange vehicle in this day and age, but neither boy questioned its existence. By using it, the man could go even to the most dangerous parts of the desert unharmed. Caught off guard at the unexpected encounter, Ganondorf pointed at him.

"AH! It's him!"

"Who that?" Zelda asked, forgetting she wanted to be carried and turning to stare at the man. Sheik shielded his eyes from the sun as he tried to get a better look.

"A friend of yours?"

"Hardly, but he's probably got stuff we could use," Ganondorf said. "Looks like he's taking a break, so let's go get him before he takes off!"

There was an excitement in Ganondorf's voice that could not go unnoticed. "Go get him?" Sheik echoed, placing his hands on his hips. "That sounds an awful lot like you plan to steal him from."

"It's survival," Ganondorf said defensively, meaning Sheik had guessed correctly. "Besides…" A shadow loomed over his face as he recalled the past. "He has it coming to him, the rip off."

Sheik's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as Zelda looked between the two of them. She seemed to be thinking for a moment before she reached up and tugged on Ganondorf's sleeve. "What 'rip off'?" she asked.

"A jerk who thought it was smart to sell a bombchu for 200 rupees, that's what," Ganondorf replied, cracking his knuckles loudly, clearly prepared for some sort of war.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sheik said, holding his hands up as he stepped between him and the man. "We aren't going to rob him."

"…. What's 'rob'?" Zelda asked, not following the conversation.

"…. Why not? We need things, right?" Ganondorf asked, not following Sheik's logic. Zelda puffed her cheeks out in anger at being ignored, and then remembered that she was interrupting and raised her hand like before. She did a sort of strange dance around the prince, hoping to get his attention but Ganondorf's focus was entirely on this upcoming argument.

"Yes, so we will go talk to him. No stealing, no robbing. Just a basic transaction with proper channels: Money." Sheik seemed extremely stubborn on this concept. It was infuriating.

Ganondorf grinned at that statement. Look who was ignorant about the ways of the world now. "Oh, is that so? With that guy?" Zelda let out a tiny whine at being ignored. Deciding that Sheik may give her the attention she wanted, she wasted no time running over and raising her hand in front of him.

Sheik knelt down in front of her. "Yes, princess, what is it?"

She didn't say anything. Instead, she just wrapped her arms around Sheik's neck and snuggled close. Sheik was taken aback for a moment, before his eyes began to sparkle with happiness. Without wasting a second he picked her up, extremely glad that Zelda has allowed him to finally carry her. Ganondorf couldn't believe his eyes… and a strange feeling of betrayal arose from within. "What the hell?"

"You really know nothing about children," Sheik said to him. "If you think she's going to love you if you ignore her then you have another thing coming."

"I do not want her to love me," Ganondorf retorted. "And furthermore, what money? We have no money at all." When Sheik didn't agree with him right away, Ganondorf narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. "… We don't have any money… right?"

Sheik turned to smile at Zelda as he began walking to the peddler. "Come, princess, let's go see if we can get you any food!"

"Yay!" she cheered, while Ganondorf stood jaw-slacked at being ignored like some farm animal.

"HEY!" he called after them. "ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU HAVE MONEY?" Sheik did not stop walking away from him. Ganondorf cupped his hands around his mouth to amplify his voice. "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, PEASANT!" He was still ignored. He threw his head back and released a loud sigh to the sky before he sucked it up and began to follow them unhappily. This was going to be a waste of time, he knew it. But maybe it would be fun to see him struggle until Ganondorf was proven correct.

The peddler was sitting in the middle of his carpet, his jaw making circular motions as he chewed his lunch indelicately. He did not stop when the trio approached him and he let them stand awkwardly in front of him as he finished his bite. When he was finally satisfied with how well he chewed his food, he gulped loudly and smacked his lips together.

The peddler was a strange looking man. He was a shorter Hylian with extremely thick, curly hair that covered his eyes and fell to the middle of his back. Most of his hair had been pulled up high on the top of his head into a very large bun. To match his locks he had an equally wild mustache that grew under his long, pointy nose. He didn't bother to pull his hair back to get a better look at his customers. He must be used to seeing through it because he instantly recognized Ganondorf.

"Ooohhh. Well well, if it isn't the mighty Prince of the Gerudo, all the way out here in Hyrule. I wasn't aware that your kind still ventured out this far these days, let alone the heir to their royalty."

"Heh, well, I am the prince. No one tells me what to do. If I want to travel I can," Ganondorf said proudly.

Zelda giggled when she heard that. "That's a lie!" She leaned in to whisper to Sheik, but she was loud enough for everyone to hear her. "The pretty ladies told him to do things all the time!" Sheik grinned while Ganondorf shot the little girl a vicious glare.

"No! I just…. make sure to heed their requests, that's all!" he defended himself but no one really cared, especially the peddler, whose attention was now on Zelda.

"And who do we have here?" he asked.

Zelda instantly began to introduce herself. "I'm Ze-"

Sheik slapped his hand over her mouth before she revealed her identity to this stranger. Clearly, she had forgotten the rules about talking to people she didn't know. "Zeckly!" Sheik exclaimed. It was an atrocious fake name, and Ganondorf couldn't help but mumble 'wow' under his breath.

"Well, Zeckly, pleasure to meet you," the peddler said, not suspicious of that name at all. "What are you folks doing all the way out here? Traveling from Rauru?"

"That's right," Sheik said, "And we ran into a bit of trouble there. I understand you may have some goods we could buy? We have a long journey ahead of us and we need a few things."

The peddler reached up and stroked his mustache as he pondered that question. "Well… I might have one or two things… But I won't do a transaction until I see the money first."

"No way," Ganondorf said, placing an elbow on the carpet and pointing rudely at the man. "I know your little tricks. This guy here will tell you he has good stuff, then rip you off by making you pay for something you didn't want," he told Sheik. "I told you this would be a waste of time."

"It does seem a bit strange to hand over money first," Sheik agreed as he removed his hand from Zelda's mouth.

Even though he had heard every word Ganondorf had said, the man didn't seem offended in the slightest. "When you deal with the people I deal with you need that money first. Sorry, kids, that's the way of this world," the peddler said with a nonchalant shrug.

Zelda suddenly raised her hand like she had learned today, having something to say. When the peddler looked at her she took it as permission to speak, and she gave a huge smile. "Papa is a kid?" she asked him. "Is he wittle like me? Papa is so tall, though!"

Ganondorf nearly had a heart attack at being called Papa yet again as the peddler's eyebrow went up. "Papa?"

Zelda pointed at Ganondorf and the peddler suddenly looked between him and Sheik. "… Ooohhh, I see. It was about time this kid got a bit of action. Congratulations, Mrs. Ganondorf. When was the wedding?" he asked Sheik. "Your daughter must have gotten the genes from your side of the family."

Both Ganondorf and Sheik were taken back by this conclusion. Sheik didn't make a big deal out of it, simply only saying, "Oh, I'm not his wife."

Ganondorf didn't handle it as well. "This is not my daughter and that thing is not my wife!" Ganondorf yelled, pointing at Sheik.

".. .Thing?" Sheik echoed, wondering how he got reduced from peasant to an inanimate object.

"Besides, a man can't be a wife," Ganondorf growled.

"… Man?" It was the peddler's turn to echo Ganondorf's words, while Zelda tapped on Sheik's shoulders, her eyes wide with pure joy.

"Sheik married Papa?" she asked, only knowing that marriage meant two people liked each other. "Does that make you my Mama?"

Ganondorf whipped his head around hearing that, "NO!"

"Well, that's a shame," the peddler said, "Always thought the kid needed someone in his life to control him. Plus, the girl is cute."

"OK, first, I am not a kid," Ganondorf corrected him, his voice dark, "I am an adult-"

"Barely," Sheik coughed into his fist. Zelda patted his back, thinking he was starting to get sick.

"-And second, no one controls me. No one." Except for his mothers and most of the women in his tribe back home. And unfortunately for him, everyone here knew that (even Sheik, who had figured that much on his own).

"Hmmm," the peddler only hummed after hearing Ganondorf's bold statement. "You haven't changed at all."

Ganondorf's face was quite red, and Sheik was honestly unsure if it was from anger or embarrassment. He was huffing a bit as he fumed, so it was most likely the former. While he enjoyed seeing Ganondorf lose his temper over petty mistakes (there was no reason to get worked up over an honest mistake, even if it was crazy), he was worried that this conversation was getting nowhere and feared that it might turn ugly soon. They were here only to get supplies.

"Listen," Sheik said, getting the peddler to look at him, "We just need a few water skins and some food, at least enough to get us to the next town over. Surely we can come to some sort of agreement on payment?" He wasn't happy at the thought at possibly having to stop at a town. It risked exposing Zelda to identification, but it would be worth it if they could survive. Rauru proved to be unhelpful in that regard, and Sheik was going to take what he could get.

"Darunia is a few days journey from here. Enough supplies to get there comfortably will cost you 400 rupees," the peddler told them.

Both Sheik's and Ganondorf's mouths dropped (although it could only be assumed Sheik's mouth dropped; his face was covered still) at the ridiculous price. "And I get called a no good, black-hearted thief," Ganondorf hissed, mentally taking notes for the future but still peeved that this was happening to him.

"Not even I have that much," Sheik said, heaving a sigh. He brought his free hand to his face (since Zelda was still in his arms) to rub out the wrinkles on his forehead from his growing concern. Going back to Rauru was not an option since those knights could still possibly be there, and because most of the populace would probably attempt to kill them. He hated to admit it, but it seemed as if Ganondorf actually knew what he was talking about when it came to this guy. He still didn't approve of stealing, but maybe trying to bargain with this guy was a huge mistake. It was looking at if trying to make it to Darunia on their limited supplies may be the way to go, unless they dared to go back to town.

While there was a moment of silence between the adults, Zelda gave Ganondorf a big smile. "…Papa?" she asked, seeking approval first.

"Urg…" Ganondorf ran his hand down his face. When was she going to stop calling him Papa? "Not Papa…. And what do you want?"

"When are we going to rob him?" she asked, pointing at the peddler now.

This was one time of many Ganondorf had and will encounter where he has and will learn the hard way that children have ears and memories like a sponge, and if they are not properly taught they will misuse their knowledge in the worst possible way. Sheik's eyes went wide in horror at what she had said while Ganondorf's jaw dropped open, before they both turned to stare at the peddler's face to gauge his reaction. At first, there didn't seem to be any at all; his expression was seemingly frozen into a blank one. Nothing was said between the parties for a while, until the man suddenly turned his carpet around and flew off into the opposite direction. He didn't do this, though, until after he had thrown the remainder of his lunch into Ganondorf's face. A round fruit hit and splattered all of his face, and he let out a roar as he wiped his eyes clear and spewed a string of insults after the peddler. Sheik, horrified by the vocabulary he possessed, quickly covered Zelda's ears.

"Well, there goes our supplies," Sheik sighed. "We are going to have to stop in Darunia. Rauru's people will never willingly trade with a Gerudo or a Sheikah…"

Ganondorf kicked the grass with his foot as he continued with his tantrum. "That's it, I'm going to kill him!" Ganondorf declared. His eyes were wide and delirious as he gave a hearty yet evil laugh. "You just wait and see, carpet man, I'm going to make you rue the day you threw your leftovers into the face of royalty!" He has declared war.

Zelda tilted her head back so she could see Sheik's face. "… Mama?"

Sheik gave a tiny chuckle. "No, princess, I can't be your Mama." His eyes darkened as he watched the spoiled prince do some sort of weird battle dance alone in the middle of the field, tomato juice still running down his face. Sheik wasn't sure if his patience was going to hold up long enough at this rate.

"… I wonder," he whispered under his breath, unheard by both Zelda and Ganondorf, "Which one is more evil?"

* * *

 **Hey everyone, thanks for reading, favoriting, following, or reviewing! I know it's not always easy to leave a review behind, so I appreciate everyone who does.**

 **I'm also sorry for the terribly late chapter. Unfortunately, life got in the way… very badly. I also know I'm a slow updater, so I thank everyone for their patience.**

 **For those wondering why Ganondorf seems to intimated by Hylians, it's because he's actually not that tall yet. He's only a bit taller than Sheik. At the moment, I would say Sheik is 172 cm (about 5' 8") and Ganondorf is 180 cm (about 5' 11"). Ganondorf final height will be much closer to 213 cm (about 7 feet) when he's done. He's got a huge growth spurt to go through!**

* * *

 _Extra: Barn Owner?_

While they had been leaving the barn, Ganondorf had looked back. "I'm surprised we weren't found throughout the night," he mumbled. "I'm not surprised we lost those knights, but still shouldn't have the owner of this barn have noticed something amiss?"

Sheik had given a shrug. "I guess not," he told him, before the trio began on their journey to Saria, leaving behind a tied up man who was still struggled against in bonds.

After all, Sheik was very good at tying knots.

* * *

 _Extra: Travel Guide for Hyrule By Sheik_

 _Subject: Towns_

 **Rauru-** an old town that stands near the border of Hyrule and its desert. Historically it was built by outcasts and criminals of Hyrule because no one wanted to live so close to Gerudo territory, and is a place where much black-market trading takes places. It's got great beer, though. Or at least so I've heard, I wouldn't know… ahem…

 **Saria** \- a sleepy little village at the edge of the Lost Woods. Its population remains low thanks to the terrifying legends surrounding the forest, so many of the residents are those who prefer a quiet, unobtrusive life who don't mind the reduced traffic, and are often farmers and ranchers. Criminals do not settle here because it is said evil cannot thrive there.

 **Kakariko Village-** It's a village…. Well it is not worth our time.

 **Darunia-** a town that is a popular vacation spot for Gorons who get tired of the environment on Death Mountain. It's become a popular tourist spot for Hylians and other races as well, because of the sumo events that occur there. It's currently off season, so the population is currently quite low…. I believe. Many of the permanent residents are great friends with the Goron, and often trade with them. It's also a great place for man-made onsens (hot springs), another popular pastime for Gorons and Zoras alike.

 **Mido** \- a larger town that is a hub for travelers. Despite its size, it's the birthplace of many traditions like music, dance, and art, thanks to the flow of ideas that circulate along with its visitors. Many of the residents are shopkeepers, artisans, or entertainers.

 **Castle Town** \- … What, you have not heard of Castle Town? Well, it's the largest city in Hyrule. It has many temples, the castle of the royal family, and hundreds of citizens, including Hylian Knights and Soldiers and a variety of races. There are many types of people that come out of Castle Town; swordsmen, artisans, scholars, priests, blacksmiths, etc. Similar to Mido, it's a birthplace of several traditions and legends. We are not going there at all. Period.


	8. A Troupe of Troubles

**Papa Ganondorf**

Lesson 8: A Troupe of Troubles

He was going to be gone for a while and this did not concern him one bit. He slipped on his second glove and checked the leather by squeezing his hand tightly, enjoying the rough sound it produced. It was satisfying and often brought great fear to his subordinates during times of… disappointment. He grinned at the memories. Why should he care about the fates of those who served him? If they did not do their jobs as he expected them to do, then they did not deserve second chances. And never once did they get one.

They all knew this and this was why the sound of his gloves brought a message of death to the beasts. When they failed and were summoned to his presence, they would stand before him, shivering and sweating, hoping that perhaps they would be the first to earn mercy from their master.

So far, it has yet to happen.

He has learned from past failures that turning your back to what seems to be only flies buzzing around your ears could turn out to have a much nastier bite. He used to wave his hand at the annoying pests to get them away from him, figuring it was not worth the energy to smash the life out of those who opposed him. But each time he did this and did not take proper precautions to make sure they could not meddle with his plans, they would show up at his doorstep and end it all.

Well… end it at the time.

He inspected the seams of his gloves before giving a satisfied grin and lowering his arm. Sure, he has been stopped before, but that was before. This time around, things were different. Different in ways he had not expected, and yet it was as if the gods decided to turn everything in his favor. They must have just given up. No surprise to him there; they left this world long, long ago. There was no reason for them to care about what happens, and with the way things have turned out it is clearer to him more than ever that this is true. They let this happen; they let him receive a good hand in this game of cards. They either stopped watching or didn't bother to intervene, and both of those cases suggested that they had moved on from these mortals they had worked so hard to protect.

He didn't blame them. The gods were perfect; their beauty beyond the mortal minds, their power something that he could only just imagine. Why should they ever waste their time on talking flesh bags?

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a knock on the door. He turned his head slightly towards the noise. It must be a messenger confirming that the orders he had given are being carried out. There was debate in his head about letting them in, unsure if he felt like facing those… pathetic people. He knew it was one of them and not his creatures, because those enslaved to him wouldn't dare to approach him without explicit orders. Yet here was someone, practically inviting themselves to his chambers.

He clicked his tongue in disapproval, realizing that he was just going to have to get over his feelings of them for now. He was in a unique position to use them and he was also going to have to work with them. That included overlooking their blatant rudeness to appear before him without an invitation.

"Enter," he called out as low and gruff as he could, making sure to keep his back to the messenger as he entered. He may be forced to be surrounded by these people but their ugly appearance was something he wasn't going to force himself to endure all the time.

He could feel the messenger's nervousness; it hung in the air like the wet stench of sweat. It was lovely and he couldn't keep himself from smiling. It was a shame that it wasn't the same fear that he got from his minions. This was… different. He was a mystery to them, an enigma whose emotions are confusing and strange to anyone who was unfortunate enough to be close to him and even more so who were lucky to not be. They held expectations of what he should be like, and the fact he did not display these behaviors made them wonder if he was deeply depressed.

 _I suppose I can't blame them for thinking that, especially considering the recent events. That's just how they are; they care about each other,_ he thought as he addressed the servant. "Did you do it?"

He knew the act he was giving these people was perfect. He had been pretending… pretending… pretending….. without fail. Without fail at all.

"Y-yes, my lord," the man said. He guessed the man had included a bow, but he kept his back to him so he didn't see if he did.

"Good," he replied. He walked over to the nearest window and managed to lean into it a bit, looking out as best he could to see his land.

"But it would take some time to spread the news," the man continued, a hint of sadness in his voice. "Finding such a tiny princess in such a giant kingdom… she could be anywhere with anyone, even if she's still alive."

"Hmm…" was his only reply to that. Oh, she was still alive, he could feel it. She was out there, alive and well and no doubt in a fantastic mood. And yet, she should not be. Something went wrong…. something went very wrong. By now the blood from her body should have split and stained the ground, leaving her tiny carcass to be picked at by vultures until it sank into the desert sand.

No, there had to be a mole among his ranks. Someone who had a change of heart and who did not fear his wraith. He had figured that from where he had dredged up his followers that there would not be a good soul among them, especially where he had rescued them from. So, what was it? Was it pity? Did she charm them? Remind them of what they once were before he had found them? If that's true then…

Disgusting.

"…Joker," he said under his breath. The messenger overheard this.

"… My lord?" His confusion from his master's words was clear in his trembling voice.

He heard the question and decided to ask on for himself. "Do you know cards?" he suddenly asked, still facing the window.

"Er… a bit, my lord," the man answered, but still unsure of how they got to this topic.

"There are always two Jokers. Depending on the game, they can be a beacon of hope or a beacon of disaster for the player." He gave a sigh and leaned his chin on his palm as his elbow rested on window sill. "I had forgotten that. I have a great hand but there is at least one Joker out there, lurking. I figured that because one Joker isn't in play that the other isn't either. I was wrong. So…" He narrowed his eyes as he thought about how he let others do a job he should have done himself. He had his reasons at the time, but that unknown player out there ruined his plans. "… Who is it?"

"I… I don't understand, my lord," the messenger said. Joker? Cards? What was his lord referring to? What was this about one not being in play? It did not make sense.

He let out a hum as he pushed away from the window, finally facing the man. He supposed by _their_ standards the man was attractive but to him the man was a pathetic pile of meat and bones that had learned to walk and talk. It was amazing that they no longer clung to greater beings like the parasites they were for protection and care at all times.

"I didn't expect you to," he said, giving a shrug. "I just want Zelda found. I'm worried about her, and there is someone mean out there who took her."

At this the man smiled, just as he expected him to. It was too easy. "I understand, my lord, we are all worried about her." His smile faded as he cast his eyes towards the ground, his bottom lip shaking slightly. "To think someone would have taken such a small child and no one knew…"

The man's emotional attachment to a princess meant nothing to his lord at all. As much as he hated to admit it, the man had said the truth about finding a tiny Hylian in a large piece of land, assuming she was still in Hyrule…. No, she was still here. Just like he knew she was alive, he could feel her power still connected to this land. He knew that finding her would be hard, that was why he decided to use these gullible people in the first place. But perhaps even that was not enough. Even more needed to be done.

But what could….

He paused as he remembered something terrifying that once lurked in the fires of the earth many years ago. Memory of this creature had probably been lost during the ages to man, but its bones no doubt lay buried deep within the crust of the darkest corners of this world. It was an ancient beast, born from the union of darkness and flame and birthed from a fissure in the land. Unruly, untamed, and with chaos following in its wake… Such a majestic, divine power should belong at his side.

Yes, this was his next step. Now that he had remembered such a monster, he wanted it to be by his side more than anything. Nothing, of course, could replace his cute bats in his heart, but he could make room for something wonderful in his life. Perhaps resurrection of such a creature would be overkill, but there something out there… Something different, and it didn't sit right with him.

There was just one problem.

He was going to have to be gone for a while. This sort of task takes… effort, which takes time. Not that he was in a particular rush to kill Zelda. He'd waited this long and he could wait longer still. But while the position he had fallen into this life was grand and perfect, it also meant his disappearance would not go unnoticed.

Especially by those dogs of the Royal Family.

He needed to think… alone. "Leave me," he told the man, turning his back to him once more. "I'm tired and want to be alone right now."

"Ah, of course," the man said sympathetically. "Call for us if you need anything at all."

He heard the door close behind the man as he left. To be honest, he wasn't sure if letting Hyrule know that the princess was missing would be good in the long run. He had originally wanted her death to be kept silent. But there could be some silver linings to this plan as well. Perhaps some wars could be sparked.

It didn't matter now. The deed was done and it was time to move forward. After some thought he snapped his fingers. "Creature! Come in!"

One of his creatures emerged from a backroom where it been forced to wait. Unlike the human it dared not to speak up, kneeling with its head down. It knew that did not have the right to look upon his master.

"I have a job for you," he said.

* * *

"Alright, whichever of you thought it would be funny to stick leaves into my hood," Ganondorf announced, starting to pluck the leaves from his long red hair that where caught after he had pulled his hood up, "will be smacked. Come forth now and I may show you mercy."

He heard Zelda giggle behind him and he instantly whipped around to glare at her. Aha, he knew it was her! He had only sat down for a few minutes while they took a short break, and the little devil snuck up on him. Seeing him stare she quickly covered her mouth with her hands but her laughter did not stop.

"Not me!" she said, unable to hide her glee.

Sheik was standing next to her, hand on his hip, the look in his eyes suggesting his mind was elsewhere. He really didn't seem to be engaged in this conversation, although whether it was because he didn't care or because he had other things to worry about were unclear. He had heard Ganondorf speak but he hadn't heard what was said, although he could guess. "… It was me," he said offhandedly, completely monotone. He may be out of it but he was aware enough to know that Zelda did something stupid and that he better take the blame for it.

It didn't work though. "You both are liars," Ganondorf said, walking over to Zelda briskly. He bent down and chopped the top of her head with the side of his hand.

"Ow!" Zelda exclaimed, not actually hurt in the slightest. It had been gentle enough. She covered her head now and pretended to pout, extending her lip out as far as she could to look as cute as possible, but Ganondorf wouldn't have any of it.

That got Sheik's attention and he gave Ganondorf a deep frown. He scanned the scene and quickly realized what had happened. "It's just some leaves. There's no need to hit her at all."

"I didn't even hurt her," was Ganondorf's snarky reply. He knew he had decided earlier to go ahead and continue on his mission to drop Zelda off somewhere, but he was really missing the respect he got when he was back home (forgetting he almost never got it. Delusions ran wild with him like that).

Still, Hyrule was beautiful and it was strange to Ganondorf that they could just stop by a stream or a tree to get whatever their stomachs needed. Such luxuries were rare and safeguarded in the desert. If you were lucky to have food, you had to plan just how you were going to eat it and preserve it so you wouldn't starve a few days later. That was not to say, however, that Hyrule was overgrown with food, and Sheik was making sure to pocket as much extra food as they could to hold them until they got to Darunia. Much of the fruit had fallen from the branches and were rotting on the ground, filled with worms and insects of many varieties. And some of the streams had barren shores with strange mineral deposits building up where the water lapped over the dirt. Every time Zelda saw any body of water she instantly ran towards it, intending to play, but Sheik made sure to snatch her up long before her tiny feet reached them. Although Sheik never offered Ganondorf any explanation for those streams, he figured that they were undrinkable. Any water that seems to prevent any growth along their rocky beaches is probably not safe. Luckily, there were not many of these bizarre streams.

The seasons on the verge of changing meant that survival without provisions was difficult, borderline dangerous. Sheik had been really hoping to bypass the town. The less exposure the princess got, as well as himself, the better. But they would not make it like this all the way to Saria. They needed to stop in Darunia, and going a few days with little food or water would not kill them. It would be uncomfortable, but they will make it.

He let out a sigh at his thoughts while Zelda ran over to Ganondorf and tugged on his sleeve. "Papa!"

"What?" Ganondorf mumbled, working out a leaf that had gotten tangled in his locks.

She beckoned him to kneel down. Ganondorf looked up at the sky and let out a small moan before he knelt down to her level, making sure to look as unhappy as he could about it. He brought his eyebrows together and allowed his lips to frown deeply. "What?" he asked again.

Able to touch his hair now, Zelda reached up and plucked a leaf from the back of his head. He blinked in surprise at her sudden kindness, then remembered that she was the one who put the leaves there in the first place. He scowled. "If you wanted to help just say so, don't just tug on my clothes."

"OK!" she exclaimed, flinging her arms around his neck and nuzzling her face into his shoulder. He stiffened at the contact as she said, "Carry me!"

"You are really bothersome," he sighed. It looked like it was time for another lecture about how he was not her Papa, nor will he ever become her Papa or want to be. But his chance was taken from him when Sheik managed to rip Zelda away from him. He propped her on his hip as he towered over Ganondorf, who was still kneeling on the ground.

"Hey, since we're on foot it will take us still two days to reach Darunia. We shouldn't delay this rest any longer."

"Hmph, you were the one who suggested it in the first place," Ganondorf mumbled. He stood back up and pulled his cloak closer as he shivered in the cool evening air. The sun was going to start setting soon, and Ganondorf was unsure how he was going to sleep in such cold without his bedroll (since that vanished with his horse). Last night he had the hay to rest in and a roof over his head, but there were no such luxuries now.

And then there was another problem: tricking Sheik into leading him to Kakariko Village. He managed before to get him to spill the beans about the best possible choice of a village to go to, besides this ridiculous Saria. Ganondorf was sure he could get some directions at Darunia, but Sheik most likely knew his way around Hyrule well. Casually trying to lead him elsewhere will not be easy. He could try to abandon him, but until he knew where he was going for sure he needed the Sheikah around to make sure he didn't die.

He could survive a desert, but he hadn't learned yet to survive in Hyrule. The rules worked differently here. And as much as it displeased him, he knew that Sheik had no need for him at all. This did not make him happy because he disliked the feeling of being useless, not because he wanted the leach to like him. But push comes to shove, Sheik was only with Ganondorf because Zelda wouldn't let him kill or abandon him.

Oh how lucky of him….

He let these thoughts run through his head as they continued walking. They were going to need to find shelter soon for the night and Sheik was already keeping an eye out.

It was about another hour not worth mentioning until something miraculous occurred. Just as Zelda was starting to look sleepy on Sheik's hip, apparent by her head resting on his shoulder, the trio made it to the top of a hill. As they tiredly made it over, they quickly saw a group of people camping at the bottom. Taken by surprise Sheik instantly took a knee to stay out of sight. Ganondorf was a bit slower, still not used to the idea of hiding from others unless he was planning to ambush them. When he didn't quickly take cover, Sheik used his free hand to tug him down to the ground by pulling on his cloak. Since it was tied around his neck Ganondorf gagged as he lost his footing. He fell hard into the grass.

He rolled upright to give Sheik a piece of his mind, but Sheik handed Zelda over to him before he could say anything. Ganondorf fumbled with the tiny princess as Sheik stood. "Don't move," he whispered. "And if I come back and you are gone I will track you down and make the rest of your life miserable."

Ganondorf found himself with Zelda in his lap, looking startled at the sudden hand-off. "What the hell are you talking…" But of course he didn't get to finish as Sheik quickly raced off. Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "My life is already miserable, you sorry piece of…."

"Papa!" Zelda exclaimed, happy to be in his arms. Without delay she snuggled into his chest with the largest smile on her face.

The prince let out a grunt of dissatisfaction at this display of affection, but he didn't do anything about it. He was too tired to argue. This child was a boundless source of energy that no force in nature could stop. No matter what was thrown in her path, she seemed to meet it with unlimited, unwavering positivity.

Instead, he focused his attention on the situation they had literally almost walked into. He wasn't entirely sure why they were hiding from this group, especially since Sheik didn't seem to mind walking up to the carpet merchant earlier (the bloody devil). And frankly, Sheik was lucky Ganondorf needed him, or else he could just walk away from him right now.

A good ten minutes passed before Sheik emerged from the other side of the hill, where the group of people had been. The look of emergency was gone from his face, and was replaced with a twitching eyebrow at the sight of Zelda looking happy in her 'Papa's' lap.

Seeing him return, Ganondorf gave him a look of what could only be described as disgusted irritation. "So, what did you do?" Ganondorf said jokingly, with a hint of sarcasm. "Kill them?"

Sheik didn't even hesitate to answer. "Yes."

His response caused Ganondorf to stiffen in shock. That was not the reaction he had expected. "… What?" He had expected the boy to yell at him for suggesting such a thing, but he had said yes too coolly and smoothly, as if he had picked half-dozen flowers instead of slaughtering a half-dozen people.

The Sheikah reached down and pulled Ganondorf's hood over his head. "Of course not. I just went to scout ahead just to make sure these people aren't a threat. Luckily, they aren't from around here. They're from Holodrum, a traveling troupe looking to make an extra buck in this country." Sheik looked over his shoulder back down at the people to see one of the women wave up at him. Unlike Ganondorf, he was in their view. "I explained our situation and they offered shelter and food for the night."

Ganondorf peeked out from under his hood, a small growl escaping his lips. "So you went rogue only for you to just tell them everything?"

"Not exactly, I told them we are weary travelers who lost everything and that we need food and shelter for the night," Sheik said. "So keep your hood up. They cannot know you are a Gerudo. Even Holodrum's people don't like your kind."

How tactful for him to say. "As if," Ganondorf said as he stood. "I have no reason to hide my identity. I am the Prince…"

Sheik suddenly drew close, a fire in his eyes. "If you don't play nice I won't either. Think you can stop me? You have no weapon and I'm highly trained in the art of hand to hand combat. So as of right now, you are a traveler I found nearly dead on the side of the road and I graciously decided to help."

And that was exactly how Sheik introduced them to the troupe, Ganondorf kept his hood as far over his face as he could to hide the rage that twisted his expression. He was not pleased to be threatened so easily, and by someone he should be able to physically beat. Unfortunately, his skill was in archery and swordplay… and he had none of those weapons on him now. He was too angry with Sheik to register that Zelda had taken his hand and was trying to peer up at his face.

"Oh, you poor dears!" a large woman, who seemed to be the motherly type, exclaimed as she placed her hand over her heart. It was a strange gesture to Ganondorf, all the women he knew did not behave in any way this one did. Even the ones back in Rauru had attitudes closer to his own people: twisted, ruthless, and a tad sassy. "To be wandering these vast fields without proper food or water. Not even a bedroll!"

"Yes ma'am," Sheik said, giving a bow of his head. "We are extremely grateful for your kindness."

"But of course!" she told them before gesturing behind her. "Our home is your home! We were just enjoying dinner! Come, come, and eat with us!"

Zelda seemed to pipe up at the mention of food, and began to jump up and down with joy. "Papa! I'm…"

"I know so shut it," Ganondorf hissed down at her, but already the woman was standing in front of him with a look of worry and marvel etched into the wrinkles around her eyes.

She was a bizarre looking woman. There were no heavy set people in Ganondorf's tribe, but it was not her size that he found odd. Rather, it seemed her oddity lay in her entire being, as if every fiber of her had been made from something just a little bit different. She reeked of generosity and kindness that appeared to be truly genuine, dressed in colorful and vibrant clothes with ruffles all around the edges that swayed each time she moved. She wore no makeup but Ganondorf could see on her face where she had missed a smear or two from some before. Her hair had been curly but now it hung loose around her shoulders. She clearly did not have a chance to redo it, as it was getting close to evening and most likely not worth it.

Even though she was oozing a sweet demeanor, Ganondorf still felt as if there was another piece of her that was much harder to identity, but he couldn't place his finger on it. All he knew was that he disliked her instantly. He didn't trust anyone who could just accept a bunch of people so easily.

"What a beautiful little girl! Poor thing, it must have scared her to see her father in such danger," the woman sniffed, as if she was truly saddened by the thought.

Ganondorf glared at her as best he could from behind the shadow of the black cloth over his head. "What danger…" he started to ask.

"Oh yes, but she's fine now," Sheik interrupted, predicting the slip-up from his traveling partner. "Some food and some rest will help greatly."

"Of course!" the woman said with a toothy smile, waving for them to follow. "We have chili tonight!"

As she led them through the camp, Ganondorf took the chance to peer around, still unhappy to be hiding his identity. What is Sheik so freaked out about? Why are they sneaking around? Those thoughts faded from his mind, though, as another new, unsettling feeling made his muscles twitch with discomfort.

This place was kind of creepy. There were a few tents set up here next to a few wooden carts. Some of the tents' flaps were open, but most of them were closed tight, probably to keep the many bugs out. They were just as vibrant as the woman, hosting an array of colors that were far too eye catching for Ganondorf's taste. Sheik had said that these people were entertainers… that could explain the poor taste in design.

The horses that had pulled those carts all day were grazing a little ways outside the camp, tied to a post that had been nailed to the ground. It was their behavior that made Ganondorf feel uncomfortable. He had grown up around horses his whole life; it was one of the many skills that Gerudo were known for and masters of. So he knew when these animals were scared of something, and the ones owned by these people were practically ready to take off. They stuck close together and kept looking in a particular direction, snorting and pawing at the ground.

What was causing them to act in such a way? Ganondorf took a small peek towards Sheik, to see if there was any indication that he was uncomfortable too. If he was, he wasn't letting it show. If there really had been a problem, though, would he really have let the princess get so close to this camp? Ganondorf heard Zelda humming at the prospect of food. She was clearly not scared of anything here.

Was it just him, then? But Ganondorf never got the chance to follow the horses' gazes before they arrived to a campfire in the center of the group of tents. It was roaring with life and crackling underneath a large, heavy pot full of steaming chili. A group of people, all similarly dressed to the first woman, gave the newcomers large, welcoming smile.

"Are these the new strays you picked up, Maude?" one the younger men asked, sporting a cocky half smile. "We've only been in Hyrule for a day or so and already you went ahead and adopted a whole tangle of kids!"

"Now, now, let's not tease them," the woman, apparently Maude, scolded him. "These people have been through a lot!" She placed her hands on Ganondorf's shoulders (who cringed at being touched so freely, how DARE she?!) and guided him to a sit. She forced him into a seat and instantly Zelda climbed up into his lap and clapped her hands. Ganondorf wished to remove her from his lap, but then Sheik would monopolize her and there was no way on earth he would let that happen. His level of petty was astounding.

"Food, pwease!" she said, staring at the food as if she was trying to will it into her stomach. The troupe laughed at her cuteness. Without wasting a moment Maude whipped up a bowl of hot chili and carefully handed the child a spoon. Sheik sat next to them and took the bowl instead.

"Wait a moment, prin-…. Lili. This is very hot." Zelda pouted but did as she was told. Ganondorf wished he knew the magical ability to control this parasite. If he had said that no doubt she would have said something annoying back instead.

Maude was already preparing two more bowls for Sheik and Ganondorf. "So Jesse here was saying you were just collapsed on the side of the road when he found you. I'm glad to see you are not injured!"

Jesse? Lili? Ganondorf glanced sideways at Sheik. Oh great, fake names. This just keeps getting better and better. And what great Prince of Thieves would just collapse on the side of the road? Ridiculous. He would have to give Sheik a piece of his mind. Being forced to eat and chat with Hylians while pretending to be a pathetic person….

But Sheik's threat was quite real and embarrassing. Ganondorf gritted his teeth as he answered. "Yes, so am I. Thanks to…. Jesse." What a stupid name. "I was lucky someone came by, although it was hard at first because he was too _weak_ to carry me."

Sheik narrowed his eyes at him, but no one else took notice of the prince's words. "Well, I'm Maude!" Maude properly introduced, "And this is Masakazu, our…." And then she proceeded to give out everyone's names and their part in the troupe. Masakazu, the young man who had first spoken upon their arrival, gave a small wave when his name was called. Sheik gave a polite nod but Ganondorf concentrated his attention on the bowl of chili in front of him. He had no interest in these people or their names.

Hylians were just a pathetic, weak race, as his mothers had taught him (although technically these guys were from Holodrum). He had spent his life stealing from them and planning to carve his name into their memories in some manner (he hadn't decided how yet), and now here he was, dining with them because he had nothing. He had kidnapped this tiny person, then decided to go on this ridiculous adventure because his subjects told him so. This was utterly humiliating and disgraceful. Especially since Sheik was making up lies that he was forcing Ganondorf to participate in.

But….

He was hungry and his legs were exhausted. He watched as Zelda, who wasn't listening to what the grown-ups were saying either, reached for her bowl of food again. Sheik handed it to her and she began to eat happily. Ganondorf put his own food down briefly to remove her from his lap, seeing her getting ready to spill all of her food onto him, but he stopped when one of the men spoke up.

"Hey, boy, why don't ya relax and take off that hood? The sun's gone down, ya don't need no shade no more!"

Well, he would gladly do that! He would proudly flip his hood off and proclaim just who he was. He wasn't afraid of these people. They were nothing like those Hylians back in Rauru. Hiding who he was in Rauru had made sense to him before, but there was no reason to do it now. However, Sheik's threat still lingered in the back of his mind. He had a feeling that if he did take off his hood, Sheik would make his life even more of a living hell… and besides, he still needed Sheik to take him to Kakariko Village, so he could ransom the princess off.

So instead, he just said, "I'm cold." Which was actually true as well.

Conversation continued, but Ganondorf did not take part at all. He just ate quietly, thinking of different scenarios in his head that all had to do with killing Sheik. Throwing him off a cliff. Feeding him to wolves. Stabbing his chest over and over and over and over… And those were just the tame ones. While he was imagining these beautiful things, the troupe was asking Sheik about their travel plans.

"Well, my companion and his… daughter…" Ganondorf could hear the strain in Sheik's voice as he said this, "and I are trying to get to Darunia."

"That's quite a walk!" another woman exclaimed. "Without a horse or any food or waterskins. I mean, you can do it I suppose, but you have a small child with you."

"Yeah," the man who had told Ganondorf to relax said, looking at the trio very carefully. "Ya do. The only town out this way is that blasted Rauru. And ya said ya found…. What's ya name and lil' Lili here, just lying in the dirt? Without any travel gear between either of ya?"

His suspicion was practically slapping them in the face. Ganondorf remained quiet, wanting to see how Sheik was going to lie his way out of this one. He held back a snicker at the thought of him completely screwing up, but instantly stopped when Sheik responded without hesitation.

"I was run out of Rauru before I could grab my things," Sheik said, fiddling with his spoon. "They are not fond of my kind there. As for these two, I fear they were robbed."

"Robbed?" the other woman, named Alannah, gasped.

"Yes. I understand your suspicion, and I appreciate you taking us in nonetheless. But it is true, they were robbed. Apparently, a Gerudo woman crossed paths with them and took the opportunity. That's why I found him collapsed on the road."

The troupe glanced at each other while Ganondorf nearly choked on his food at Sheik's lie. He gripped his spoon so tightly that his knuckles were starting to turn white. Zelda felt Ganondorf's body begin to shake with rage and she turned towards him to snuggle closer, thinking he was cold.

What a joke… Him, being robbed by one of his own? As if. As if that could happen. How _dare_ Sheik make Ganondorf look so weak and foolish? How DARE he?!

"A… Gerudo, huh?" Maude asked slowly. "Tell me, young man, did this woman have a small child with her? A little girl, around the same age as Lili there?"

If Sheik had been eating (but he refused to reveal the lower half of his face), he would have stopped upon hearing this question. He didn't like the direction it was going. "… Why do you ask?" he asked very carefully. The muscles in his arms tensed, prepared to reach for his concealed weapons if needed.

"Honestly, we don't know much, other than she was kidnapped," Masakazu spoke up, giving a half shrug. "You see, we just entered Hyrule yesterday after sneaking our way through the desert."

Hearing that surprised Ganondorf. "You... went through the desert?" he asked, needing to be sure he heard correctly.

"Ya damn right we did!" the heavily accented man (maybe his name was Claude) proclaimed. He gave deep hearty laugh. "Been doing it for years, ya just have to know how to pass them Gerudo."

"Hmph, I don't believe you," Ganondorf said. He really didn't. There was no way a group of people crossed _his_ desert without him or the women knowing, especially his mothers.

"Well, it's true," Masakazu said with a weak smile. "For better or for worse. It's a long story, but that's not really important. What is important is that we found three stranded men who had been in charge of a little's girl's safe passage. But the Gerudo got the best of them and kidnapped her."

Uh-oh.

"We helped those poor men get out of the desert," Maude said. She placed her hand on her cheek and sighed. "I figured they would want to go back into Gerudo territory to find the girl, but they insisted on a ride towards Rauru instead! Naturally, we took them as far as we could, but we didn't dare stop in that dangerous town!"

Neither one of them couldn't help it, Sheik and Ganondorf glanced at each other just slightly. Oh shit… Was the universe truly that cruel? Did the gods make it so that they would be dining with the very people who literally delivered the men Ganondorf had stolen from and Sheik was hiding Zelda from?

Zelda had finished her food and was starting to get bored, but Ganondorf took no notice. He was started to feel a bit nervous now, thinking back to those men and how close they were to catching him. Now he really wished more than ever that he had a weapon. He felt powerless without it. He hated that feeling; it was a feeling that he planned to never feel again after this adventure. But in this moment, those men were probably a real threat. Before, Ganondorf had a small army and the home field on his side. Out here, with a Sheikah who hates his guts and a tiny human thing… he was in a tougher spot.

Sheik, meanwhile, was praying that none of these people would make the connection that the little girl in Ganondorf's arms was the same little girl they were keeping an eye out for.

"Why would a Gerudo come all the way out here? They haven't ventured far from their territory in years," one of the women rubbed her chin in thought. "A lot of strange activity is coming from that tribe. I mean, kidnapping? Even for them that's low."

"Don't surprise me," accented man grunted. "Maybe for them women now it's low, but whenever they finally give birth to that spawn of evil, ya'll know they just gonna flip the script."

Spawn of evil? Ganondorf wondered what they were referring too.

Sheik forced himself to not stare at Ganondorf when he heard the man say that. As much as he would love to out Ganondorf as the 'spawn of evil' the man had mentioned, Zelda would cry if anyone tried to hurt him, he knew it. Then she may beg him to save her 'Papa,' then Sheik would be forced to fight. No, it was better to not say anything.

The man was still talking. "Ya know," he was saying now, "If ya see those knights, ya tell them if we find the kidnapper, we will give that Gerudo a beating. I'm sure plenty of others wish they could get the chance, don't ya think?" He asked this to Ganondorf, staring him down in an uncomfortable way.

A dark feeling started to bubble deep inside of Ganondorf. He stared back at the man, unable to keep himself from involuntarily tightening his hand into a fist. He wasn't sure exactly what he was feeling- maybe anger, maybe impatience- but he was starting to get really tired of this conversation. He wanted to strike this man.

But he didn't. He should have. He should have leaped from his seat and smashed the man's face into the ground. But instead, he just stood up. Since Zelda had been in his lap, she just fell off onto the grass. Everyone visibly drew back a bit, except for the accented man. He just continued to keep his eyes locked onto Ganondorf.

Ganondorf turned on his heel and began to walk away. As he passed Sheik he was grabbed by him. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"Just need a walk," Ganondorf mumbled and shook himself free.

Surprisingly, no one followed him. He was sure Sheik didn't care where he went because he hadn't taken Zelda with him. As for the others, he had expected someone to get up and make sure he wasn't causing trouble by entering their tents or whatnot. But as he turned a corner and out of their sight, it seemed no one got up to watch him.

As soon as he was behind a tent, Ganondorf kicked the grass. "What am I _doing_?!" Ganondorf asked to himself out loud. He was all the way out here in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of morons and this weird troupe, when he should be home in the desert. True, he had planned to turn this whole thing around in his favor by ransoming Zelda off, but that wasn't what he was thinking about.

Why wasn't he standing up for himself, informing these people that one day, they will fear his name?

As he pondered this question, Zelda came up behind him and tugged on his pants. Apparently someone had followed him. Of course it had to be her. Sheik would be no doubt following in suit momentarily.

"Papa? What wrong?" she asked worryingly. "Why do you look sad?"

Papa. Papa. PAPA. He couldn't stand to listen to that NAME anymore. He spun around and knelt down to grab the parasite by its shoulders, his face twisted into such a violent expression that even Zelda couldn't ignore.

"Sad?!" he hissed. "No, this is called anger. Ever seen it before? No, because you are a spoiled Hylian. No one would dare show you that they were pissed at you. Because you are their 'precious' princess. But I don't care about that. I can't stand to look at you. You are just a means to an end for me, got that? I'm not your Papa and I will never be your Papa. I am a prince, not your servant. You can't control me like you can that pathetic Sheikah." He squeezed her shoulders tighter. "I should be wearing a crown. A crown! Not carrying you around in my arms."

Zelda stared at him with wide eyes. She seemed to have stopped breathing, unable to look away from him. He growled and let her go. "Great, and now Sheik will be looking for you. I really don't want to look at him, that bastard." Ganondorf looked around and noticed one of the carts nearby. It was covered with a tarp and it was impossible to see into. Perfect.

Upon being released Zelda spun around and took off, but he didn't care. He ran over to the cart and climbed in, pulling the tarp closed behind him. As the darkness fell Ganondorf slumped onto the ground. He ran his hand through his hair, panting in rage. He hated Zelda. He hated Sheik. He hated Nabooru, and Hylians, and the royal family, and the nasty smell of fecal matter and rot in this cart….

… Huh? Ganondorf sniffed the air. Then he gagged and covered his mouth and nose with his hand. Whoa, the odor in here was atrocious. Geez, do these people ever clean up after themselves? Why did it smell so bad in here? It was still too dark for Ganondorf to see, so he tried to blink, hoping to get his eyes to adjust faster. When that failed he leaned back slightly until he hit what he had expected to be the wooden wall of the cart.

But instead, he hit some metal bars instead. He furrowed his eyebrows together. What the… is this a cage? He twisted his torso a bit so he could run his fingers across cold, straight metal pieces. Yes, there was no mistaking it… It was a cage. Why is there a cage in here?

He didn't have to question this much further when a large, leathery and sharp-nailed hand suddenly landed on his shoulder. He felt hot air down his back as something let out a snort in his ear, and small specks of spit landed on his neck as that someone spoke.

"I don't know who you are, but _free me, human_."

* * *

 **Wow, this was not a funny chapter. Well, they can't all be hilarious.**

 **Thank you to my reviewer for the last chapter! I'm glad you enjoyed it!**

 **Look forward to Chapter 9! It's actually already done and currently under revision!**


	9. Max (or Moe)

**Papa Ganondorf**

Lesson 9: Max (or Moe)

Ganondorf could feel the muscles in the hand's fingers twitch as they gripped his shoulder tightly, as if they would dig into his flesh at any moment. Without hesitation Ganondorf jerked free from the enormous appendage and stumbled away as best he could. He had moved too fast though, and his feet lost their footing. He fell hard onto his knees, and when he did he twisted his body quickly so he could sit with his back against the other side of the small cart instead of lying prostrate on the floor. He would never admit this to anyone, but his chest rose and fell quickly with his rapid breaths as all the nerves in his body sung with primal terror.

His eyes were starting to adjust now, and he watched as the hand that had grabbed him withdrew back behind the bars. Attached to the hand was a large shadow that took up the entirety of the cage, as if it had been stuffed into it with disregard to the creature's size. Ganondorf's eyes slowly glanced upwards as he followed the silhouette's outline to where the head seemed to be. A thick, rolling torso sat upon frightfully massive squatting legs. Its shoulders bulged outward, supporting arms with hands the size of dinner plates. It was hard to tell if the creature was clothed in the darkness, except for two large shoulder plates.

But the head… it was the head that Ganondorf couldn't tear his gaze from. It was large, just like the rest of the body, with rolls of flesh similar to the torso's. Ganondorf initially dismissed the shape as an attribute to the creature being intensely overweight, but upon seeing the design of the creature's face, he changed his mind. It possessed a rounded snout with two small tusks on either side, tiny ears that flopped as it moved, and beady eyes that watched him intensely. This thing looked like a boar. An ugly, bipedal boar with human-shaped hands.

"You… are not human," the boar spoke, its voice deep and gravely. It spoke as someone who had not spoken for a long time. It was slow, and it cracked at the vowels. Ganondorf guessed by the deepness of the voice it was a male, but he wasn't honestly sure. The boar let out a snort, which seemed to be some sort of sigh, as his eyes narrowed. The aggression he had seemed to disappear as he realized Ganondorf was not the person he had thought him to be. "Your skin… is dark like desert people. And your eyes… yellow like them too. And hair…." He didn't finish as he started to connect the dots mentally.

Ganondorf reached up and touched his hair as he realized that in his scuttle his hood had fallen to his shoulders. In all honesty, he didn't care that he was exposed. In fact, it felt good. He did not appreciate having to lie about who he was. He should be able to proclaim it out to the world!

And so he decided to do just that to this monster. The initial fear he had felt dissipated as soon as the boar had spoken, and he found that he was able to move. Using the wall to help himself up, he got to his feet and stood straight, to be as regal and intimidating as he could. "I," he emphasized, "am indeed human, but not a Hylian. I am Ganondorf, Prince of Thieves and future King of the Gerudo. And you, beast… I demand you tell me what you are," he decided to end with. He had never seen nor heard of a creature like this in his life. It was hideous, gigantic, and terrifying… he liked it. In fact, he was kind of jealous of it. He wished that the initial feeling he had gotten from this monster he himself gave to others. But he didn't have the height or power yet to do so, and it burned into his pride.

The boar blinked before furrowing his eyebrows. He seemed to really be pondering the question, as if he didn't really know what he was at all. "… I am… Max…. No, Moe…. No… I do not remember…."

"Not your name," Ganondorf interrupted, "what you are."

"Oh..." Max or Moe realized, but he still needed a moment to think about what he was. Finally, after about thirty seconds of an impatient silence, Max (as Ganondorf decided to call him) answered. "Moblin. Yes, that is what I am. That is what humans have called me." The more he spoke, the less broken his words were, but the gravely sound remained.

"I have never heard of such a creature. What the heck is a Moblin?"

"…. Me?" the Moblin answered in the form of a question, pointing to himself.

"OK, well obviously," Ganondorf rolled his eyes.

"Ganondorf…" the creature repeated suddenly, looking the young man up and down.

"No, Prince Ganondorf," he corrected, patting his chest with his chin high up in the air. "Soon to be king." Oh man, that felt so good to say. It felt right.

There suddenly seemed to be some recognition in Max's eyes, and the disheartened feeling he had been emitting had quickly changed to something Ganondorf was not used to: respect. Max crouched down closer to the prince as best he could.

"Prince Ganondorf. Why not king?" the Moblin asked. "I am familiar with your people's ways. Are you not the only man born to your kind in a hundred years?"

"Why yes, I am," Ganondorf said smugly, a tiny smile forming on his lips. Finally! Someone who knew just who he was! He was surprised by the monster's intelligence, but he didn't question it. He suddenly found himself wanting to immerse himself in a conversation with this creature. After all, it seemed as if Max would listen. But then he remembered where he was: in a cart on a camping ground, talking to an intelligent boar in a cage. "Wait a minute… what are you doing in here?" he asked. Then he brought his fist into his palm. "Of course, the horses! That's why they were scared, it was you!"

At the mention of the horses, Max licked his lips. "Oh. Those awful people captured me." He cast his eyes downward and hung his head. "I was chasing something to the desert, because I got separated from my companions." He raised a massive hand and touched the back of his head, but he didn't elaborate further on that part. "Then, these people emerged from nowhere and captured me while I slept!"

"They did?" Ganondorf glanced towards the cart's exit. That sounds… odd. He didn't trust these people from the beginning, but even that was something he had not expected from them. This was not the secret he had been expecting to stumble upon.

Max nodded. "They called me monster, then the man with that ugly accent said to keep me as a side show or something."

OH, Ganondorf thought, feeling stupid now. Of course, these people were entertainers. They too had probably never seen anything like this Moblin before, and instantly thought of a great way to earn a little extra cash. Granted, it was still strange that they traveled through the desert, and Ganondorf didn't believe them still.

"Where did they capture you?"

"On the desert's edge. I was looking for the entrance, but I couldn't find one."

Damn, so they were telling the truth. Ganondorf reached up and rubbed his eyes in frustration. How in the world did this group of morons manage to sneak by a ruthless gang of thieves, led by himself? Oh shit, if his mothers knew of his incompetency…

Suddenly, Max's hands shot forward to grip the bars of his cage as he pressed his snout through the spaces. His jerky movements caused the whole cart to surge a bit, and his eyes were glued onto Ganondorf. "Free me, prince," he begged. "I do not like this cage. I must get out."

Ganondorf was steadying himself against a box on his right when the cart had rocked, glad that he had not fallen. He hoped that no one saw that; he didn't want to be caught in here with this monster. He had a suspicion that those people would not be happy to find him here. "Careful," he demanded, letting go of the box to smooth out his cloak.

The boar grunted. "I must get out. These people hate me just because I am different. Because of what I am. I did nothing to them, yet they trapped me."

"I get the feeling" Ganondorf mumbled under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing," Ganondorf replied. He smiled mischievously at Max. The monster was ugly and smelled like hell, but Ganondorf couldn't help but like him. There was something awe-inspiring about him. He didn't deserve to be trapped like an animal as far as Ganondorf was concerned. Plus, maybe he could get back at Claude for being such a prick. So he started to look around for the cage's door without a second thought. "Where is the…."

"PAPA!" Zelda's voice suddenly sliced through the air. She sounded close by. Ganondorf groaned as he slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. Oh great, the little brat was looking for him. Hadn't he made it clear to her that he did not like her? What did he have to do, carve it into her skin? Make her wear a sign?

"What was that?" Max asked, trying to peer through the crack in the cart's curtain. Before Ganondorf could respond, Zelda called out for him again, this time sounding much closer. If she keeps this up, there is no doubt that Sheik would start to come looking for her, and maybe him too. Giving a growl, Ganondorf pulled his hood back up.

"It's nothing. Listen, I can't free you right now."

"Why not? Are you not Ganondorf?"

That seemed like a sort of odd question, but it filled Ganondorf with a bit of excitement. Yes, he was Ganondorf! And one day, when his powers had fully matured, he will be able to do what he wanted unchallenged!

"I am, but… Well, it's complicated," he stated, not wanting to explain that he was simply not powerful enough to take on Sheik, let alone a bunch of people strong enough to overpower a giant beast like this. "Just trust me. I need to get going right now."

Max's face fell as Ganondorf pulled back the curtain to check if anyone was looking before he jumped out. The coast was clear, and just as Ganondorf was about to jump out Max called out to him.

"When will you be king?" he asked, having not gotten an answer to his first inquiry about Ganondorf's title. The tone in his voice made him suddenly sound small and fragile, like a child asking his mother when she will be home.

Ganondorf paused to look back at him, then flashed him a toothy grin. "When I'm eighteen!" was his reply. And with that he exited the cart to stop Zelda from her shrieking.

He only had to wander a little bit before he found her. Her back was turned towards him as she looked left and right, bouncing on the back of her heels. She seemed to be clutching something in her hands, but at this angle Ganondorf couldn't tell what it was. He folded his arms upon seeing her and cleared his throat to get her attention.

The tiny person turned, and for a moment Ganondorf saw a strange expression he had not yet seen on her face: worry. But it was for an instant, as her lips pulled into a cheerful smile. She quickly raced over to Ganondorf, pushing her way through the tall, wild grass. When she got directly in front of him she used her fingers to beckon him closer. Ganondorf let out a heavy breath as he looked up to the sky before kneeling down. As soon as he did Zelda revealed what was in her hands. It was a string of flowers that had been poorly tied together in a large circle. Many of the flowers' stems were practically shredded into strings, but the petals remained virtually intact. She reached up and placed it onto his head, then patted his head.

"Crown!" she told him, looking proud of her accomplishment. This was followed by a hug as she threw her arms around his neck, before she skipped back to camp. She assumed Ganondorf was following, but the prince was frozen in place, confused. He didn't get it… He had yelled at her, said hateful things to her face, and yet she gave him this… He pulled it off his head to look at it. This weird flower thing she called a crown. Then proceeded to hug him.

… Why? Why didn't she hate him? What was wrong with her?

"… Hmph," he grunted, raising his arm to throw the flowers to his side… But he didn't. He paused, then looked at his gift again. Blue flowers… a color that even in the desert sky he was not accustomed to seeing. He couldn't really deny it… they were kinda nice. So instead of throwing it away, he pocketed them next to the map he still had and followed Zelda back to the camp.

* * *

Luckily for Sheik, Ganondorf's mind had been elsewhere since he had returned with Zelda, and kept his mouth shut all last night and into the morning. He didn't know what inspired him to suddenly be less of a pain in the ass, but he thanked the gods for whatever happened.

When the sun had risen over the horizon, the camp had woken up one by one. Sheik had lifted his tent's flap open to see Ganondorf and Zelda already awake, munching on some breakfast that Masakazu had handed them. Masakazu had seen him first and had smiled, lifting a bowl of food for him to see.

"Morning!" he had called out to him. Ganondorf and Zelda had turned their heads to see Sheik exiting his sleeping quarters. Ganondorf's expression had not changed (he was too busy wondering if Sheik wore that thing over his face all the time), but Zelda's had perked up. She had jumped down from her seat and had sprinted over to throw her arms around his legs. Sheik had chuckled and patted her head, glad to see her. He had suspected that she was up first, and decided to awaken Ganondorf as well. The Gerudo prince had not looked too happy, after all. But he didn't complain, and that was a nice change of pace.

One by one everyone else had emerged and started to pack up their camping grounds after breakfast. Sheik had offered to help, but Maude insisted they stand back. "You kids just take it easy!" she had said. "Once we get everything packed up, we will start heading to Darunia!"

While Ganondorf had been wandering around, Maude had offered to take the trio the rest of the way to Darunia. It would save them nearly a day of travel time, and Sheik was all for it. The less time Zelda spent wandering around Hyrule Field, the better. If only he could convince her to drop the Gerudo off somewhere… but for some reason or another, she adored the spoiled prince and wanted him around. And Ganondorf hadn't run away yet either, so he must be up to something… Sheik was going to have to make sure whatever it was, it didn't happen.

Sheik had not pressed them further on the subject of packing. He had taken a seat around the blackened remains of the fire and watched everyone work, occasionally glancing towards a particular cart. No one had went near it except Claude, who had turned out to be the driver of it. He had ducked in with some raw meat for a brief moment, and had come out empty handed. Sheik had narrowed his eyes. He would never tell anyone this, but he had failed to check everything. Something was in there. He knew since the previous evening.

But now all eyes had been watching the cart carefully. It was amazing that Ganondorf had managed to sneak in last night without anyone bothering him. It was most likely because everyone was a lot more focused on Sheik. Unlike Ganondorf, Sheik was not hiding his race, and despite the grilling Claude had done to the Gerudo, in reality it was Sheik they were more concerned about. After all, everyone one knew legends around the Sheikah… Sheik would not be so lucky to escape their gaze. Not without causing a lot of trouble, and trouble was something he did not want. Even when Sheik had gotten up to chase after Zelda, they all immediately began to question him on his destination, insisting that he relax. He had done so, knowing that Ganondorf would be unable to run off with Zelda fast enough and Zelda in turn would not run away. But he suspected they were hiding something that they did not want him to find, and he did not blame them, really. Even though Hylians and foreigners alike knew the Sheikah were there to protect Hyrule, they were also there to serve any aspect of the Royal Family's needs. A secret police, as it were.

That was all nearly an hour ago, though, as soon the packing was done and they were on the road. Alannah drove one cart with Ganondorf and Zelda next to her (despite his pleadings to have her elsewhere, everyone thought it would be better for her to remain with her 'Papa') and Sheik was with Maude and Masakazu. Sheik worried about having Ganondorf alone without him making sure he didn't say something stupid, but there wasn't much he could do. Even he had to agree that this was the most logical and least suspicious pairing. But it didn't stop him from occasionally glancing backwards to see if anything had gone wrong.

Meanwhile, Ganondorf couldn't help but think about the last cart in the line, where Max sat alone in his cage. These people surprisingly had great poker faces. You couldn't tell from their behavior that they were harboring a dangerous monster. They seemed pretty calm about the whole ordeal.

But now that Ganondorf thought about it, there had been signs. The cart had been placed relatively out of sight, and it was the only one that was completely covered. The suspicion and questions could have been them making sure that their secret was not going to get them in trouble.

Alannah sat on the far right, with Ganondorf next to her and Zelda his left. "You a farmer?" Alannah suddenly asked. Ganondorf furrowed his eyebrows as he glanced at her. She was fairly pretty, he guessed… for a non-Gerudo. She was on the thinner side but by no means a pile of bones; thick thighs pressed tight against her frilly colorful trousers. Despite her curves, she wasn't as… heavy chested as Maude was. Blue eyes shone from well-kept brown hair, just slightly wavy. Also unlike Maude, her positivity didn't seep through her pores, but it was clearly present.

"Er, no," he said shortly.

She noticed his tone and chuckled. "I'm sorry, I just guessed. Your hands are really tan! We were all trying to guess last night what you were, but there isn't much farming out here so we were kinda stumped."

His hands? He glanced down at them. Oh, yeah…. If he was supposed to be pretending to be Hylian, he probably should have hidden his hands. Not that he really wanted to. He really wanted to take his hood down too, but Ganondorf really wanted to keep a low profile now after meeting Max. Stirring trouble would make his task much harder to accomplish later.

He was lucky that they would never have guessed Gerudo… for many reasons.

"I've got… multiple trades," he muttered. No, I'm not a farmer, peasant, I'm royalty! He thought, angry that he couldn't correct her without Sheik bearing down on him.

"Multi-talented, I got you!" she winked. She flipped her brown hair over her shoulder as she suddenly reached behind her and pulled out a small bag without letting go of the reigns. Curious, Zelda nearly stood up to see, pressing her palms into Ganondorf's thigh to stabilize herself.

"Sit down," he growled, but she ignored him, as she pointed to the bag.

"What that?" she asked, eyes shining.

"A secret stash!" Alannah replied. She placed the bag in her lap then brought her free hand to her lips, pressing her first finger against them. A gesture to be silent. Now even Ganondorf was wondering what it could be. Grinning, Alannah reached into the bag and pulled out some small, dried meat. "Here, a snack," she beamed, pleased with her surprise.

Zelda grabbed a piece with her tiny hand and started to stuff her cheeks, before she remembered her manners and managed to get a 'thank you' out before swallowing. Ganondorf was a bit slower in taking a piece himself, staring at it in confusion. This was… odd. Why was she giving him food? What was her game? And why was she so excited about it? It was just a bag of meat, not a bag of gold.

"Aha!" Alannah said suddenly, causing Ganondorf to pull away a bit from her.

"What?"

"I knew it. You seemed confused last night when we gave you food. Suspicious even, and you are doing the same now! It's not poisoned or anything, I just wanted to share!"

Ganondorf couldn't believe that he had just been tested. "Hmph," was all he could say, starting to hand the piece back in defiance. As if he would eat the food that tricked him. Although it was true, where he was from you didn't share food. You stole it and harbored it. But before he completely gave it away he paused, then wrapped his fingers tightly around the gift and stuffed it into his pockets. Alannah raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on it.

"Take as much as you want," she told him, placing the back between him and her. "I don't mind sharing. I planned to restock at Darunia anyways. Have you ever been there?"

Man, she was talkative. The only reason why Ganondorf hadn't strangled her yet was because Sheik was just up ahead. Ganondorf shook his head, as Zelda did the same. "Da-ru-na!" she attempted to say, not quite getting it right.

Alannah chuckled. "So cute! No, not quite right. Darunia. It's a great place! Not as massive or impressive as Mido, but still exciting. Lots of Gorons go there for the man-made hot springs, but they call them onsens there. And there's even an arena for sumo wrestling, a popular Goron sport in case you didn't know. Oh, but it's the off-season right now. I mean, the Gorons will still be there to enjoy the onsens…"

It was at this point Ganondorf started to tune her out. As she talked happily, though, Ganondorf was sure to sneak a few more pieces of meat. He may have lost his great Gerudo stallion and his fine weapons with it, but there was something he could try to bring back to help him.

He got to test his theory at lunch time. No hot meal was prepared. Only the horses were given some feed and water while they rested, as everyone else stretched their legs before handing out bread and fruit.

Zelda stayed close on Ganondorf's heels as he stepped away from the camp for a moment. He dared a glance towards Max's cart, but not for long. It was still not a good time to help him. So instead, Ganondorf had another thing to try out. Sheik watched from a short distance, wondering what the crazy prince was doing.

Ganondorf brought the dried meat pieces out of his pocket and glanced up at the sky. It was devoid of small birds and covered in light, fluffy clouds. Counting this as a good sign, Ganondorf brought his fingers up to his lips and whistled loudly. Everyone heard this and turned to watch what their guest was doing, especially Claude.

He waited, watching the sky. When he did not see anything change he gave another long, high-pitched whistle, changing to a lower pitch near the end of his call. Still nothing. Giving a disappointed sigh, Ganondorf pocketed the meat again. So, Helmaroc must have not followed him like he had been trained to do. Granted, Ganondorf had not fed him in a day or two, but still, Helmaroc, despite his young age, has been extremely loyal to him since day one. He loved that bird, and a tiny seed of worry sprouted in his chest. What if something terrible happened?

The young princess recognized what Ganondorf was doing, and her face glowed at the thought of seeing the beautiful animal. She spun in a circle, her neck straining as she looked up, trying to get a view of the bird in all directions. But just like Ganondorf, when she did not see him come, her face fell slightly. "Birdie?" she asked Ganondorf, stopping her twirl to tug on his sleeve. Ganondorf bent his knees into a squat, his eyes cast down and dull. He scratched his temple in thought.

"… No birdie," Ganondorf said, not bothering to correct her that Helmaroc was more than just a 'bird'. Zelda copied his stance, and the two of them just stared at the grass together until they were called back to continue on their way to the next town over. Alannah sensed upon his return that his spirits were down, and decided to not bother him until he was ready to talk again.

There is not much to say about the rest of their journey on those uncomfortable rocking pieces of transportation. Everyone had eventually fallen silent, out of topics to bring up and tired from their long day. Ganondorf watched as the landscape began to change slowly, from a flat, luscious field with seldom trees to a hillier terrain and a thicker set of trees. Animals could be heard scattering as they rolled by, and the leaves rustled softly against each other in the slight breeze. This area brought a new array of lifeforms that Ganondorf had yet to see: types of flowers, species of trees, strange, spiny-looking balls that hung from branches buzzing with life. He kind of wanted to poke the balls with a stick to see what happened.

It was not until evening that they reached Darunia at last. Upon seeing it Maude, who had been leading in the first cart, stopped her horse and stood in her seat. She waved to Sheik and Ganondorf with a bright smile. "Boys, we are here!" she announced. "We will take you into town and say our farewells then!"

"Oh," Alannah said, giving a large yawn that she tried to hide behind her hand. "Thank goodness. I mean… er, not to say goodbye but to finally be in town!" she said with a small blush.

As usual, Ganondorf did not give her words much thought. Instead, he kept an eye on the town, curious to see his second Hylian town, this one being much farther from his home. Their last experience in town had been…. Unfortunate, and Ganondorf wondered if this place would be a better time.

The first thing he noticed was the size and activity. Unlike Rauru, which had been a small village full of old, wooden buildings sitting on a flat field, Darunia was something else. It was larger, with buildings of various materials ranging from wood to stone and chocked full of bustling people. Steam and smoke rose from many buildings, all of which had dull red roofs. Colorful pieces of fabric that had been cut into triangles were strung across many streets, each one painted with a brown dye into a bizarre looking symbol that Ganondorf recognized from some stolen goods he had come into… possession… before. It was the Goron's emblem, indicating their influence in this Hylian town. The only building not lit was the largest building to the most southern point of town, which Alannah took the time to explain that it was the arena the Gorons used for sumo.

But the most impressive feature was not the giant arena, but the location of which Darunia sat. About two-thirds of the town stood on flat land, where nearly all the steam rose from, but from their position Ganondorf could see that the rest of it had been carved carefully into the side of the plateau. Pathways had been made out of the side, where banners had been hung bearing both" Hylian and Goron signs that fluttered over the deep drop to the bottom, and rooms had been carved deeper into the stone. Curtains covered the windows and doorways, many of them old and worn but some had been recently replaced.

"That's the old part of Darunia!" Alannah informed them. "It is said that when people settled here, it was far too dangerous because of terrible monsters. So, with the help of Gorons, they built safety into the walls instead. Apparently there is an old pulley system that got people up and down, since you couldn't reach the town from above originally. But I think it rotted away years ago."

"Whoa," Ganondorf couldn't help but say. Not at the history lesson, of course, but at the impressive appearance of the town. His own home was carved out of stone, but not over a pit of death, and it was not as large. He couldn't help but feel impressed and… a bit jealous at how nice it looked.

Zelda was equally as impressed. "Look, look!" she exclaimed, pointing at the colorful flags in excitement.

"Kind of a shame you won't see the sumo games or the opening ceremony," Alannah was saying, "I had a chance once two hear years ago. The Gorons do this terrifying dance and play these giant drums in unison… If you ever want to feel intimidated by raw power, just sitting through their performance will make your body shiver."

They soon found themselves saying their goodbyes to the troupe once they reached the town's edge. Sheik shook Maude's hand as everyone gathered. "Thank you. Truly, I cannot show our appreciation enough for what you did for us."

"Oh, anytime, honey," Maude exclaimed, giving both boys a wink. "You two try to find a nice hotel and maybe get a good soak in, ok? And don't you worry about Gerudo anymore, they never come out this far!"

Oh really? Ganondorf thought to himself, kind of feeling proud to be the first Gerudo to come here.

Claude cleared his throat loudly to get Maude's attention. "Not to be rude here o' anything, but we all need to get moving to get our horses up for the night, ya know? We got a lot of settlin' to do."

"Oh… OH, right," Maude said hastily, cutting the goodbyes short. She gave a small wave and started to usher her group into town, leaving the boys standing there. Ganondorf was forced to watch Max's cart be rolled away, cursing himself for not taking an earlier opportunity to free him when he had the chance. Now it may be even harder than ever to do so…. He suspected the 'settling' they had to do was something with Max.

"Bye-bye!" Zelda called after them, waving frantically. "Bye-bye, Mau-Mau! Bye-bye, Ma-saaaa! Bye-Bye…"

"Stop it, don't go through all six people!" Ganondorf moaned, realizing that he didn't know the last two people's names. They had barely said anything the whole time… well, then they were not worth his brainpower to remember then.

Zelda just covered her mouth and giggled. "Bye-bye, piggy," she whispered, completely unheard as Sheik stretched his arms.

"Phew. Well, I guess we better find a place to sleep," he said, secretly grateful to sleep in a proper bed tonight. "I didn't want to be here, but tomorrow we can get the things we need and leave for Saria. If we plan accordingly we shouldn't have to stop in Mido."

Oh no, Ganondorf had forgotten. He had no intention of going all the way to Saria with Sheik at all, but he still needed him to guide him through Hyrule. He wished he could have asked those troupe people, but they had a planned trip to take, and seemed impossible to persuade. Plus, he still wasn't sure if he trusted them. He had to come up with a way to trick Sheik into going the wrong direction, but how?

* * *

Three horses and their riders halted at the foot of a hill. The animals snorted, glad for the break, as their masters glanced down at the fading, dusty tracks on the dirt road. The first rider pushed back the blonde hairs that stuck to the sweat of his face as he studied the tracks carefully while his companions waited patiently.

"… Well? Do you think they really went this way?" one of them asked.

"Hmph, they were on foot," the third rider, who sported a thick scar on his cheek, replied. "Who would give a Gerudo a lift?"

"Quiet," the first rider commanded, turning his horse around so he could face the others. His eyes were narrowed and his lips tight. "There was another person with them. I saw, right before they disappeared into the night. If the Gerudo was able to secure a traveling companion, then who knows what else she was able to get."

The second rider shifted in his saddle. "I remember…" He rubbed his right temple in frustration as he recalled that chilly, wet night. "I don't get what is going on here. First, a Gerudo takes the princess, and now someone has teamed up with them? Their behaviors make no sense unless…" He paused as his face went pale. "You don't think… they knew?"

The scarred rider's face didn't change at the question; however, the blonde rider instantly rejected the idea. "No. Only the three of us… Well, four of us…" he corrected, "know. Unless one of you has loose lips," he touched the hilt of his sword as he said this, "then no one else should have been privy to the plans."

There was silence as these words (and their leader's subtle threat) fell heavy on the group. It was true that no one should have known, and yet there seemed to be forces moving that are unpredictable. It made the three of them nervous, even if they would not admit it.

Finally, it was the scarred rider who broke the silence. "The nearest town is Darunia. The wilderness is beautiful but unforgiving; with a child in tow, they must have made a stop. It's a day and a half ride from here, and we already wasted much time."

"Agreed," the blonde rider said. He looked towards the direction of Darunia, determination now set into his face. "Let's go. Before retribution reigns down upon us."

And without another word, the three knights took off in the direction of the kidnapped princess.

* * *

 **Sorry for the long, long, long…. Long wait. I got caught up with life (and Breath of the Wild, which is addicting as hell). Also, I got discouraged for a while, but I'm excited to try writing again. Hopefully, I can produce another chapter soon!**

 **Yes, I took some liberties, but they were fun! This is an AU, after all.**

 **Thanks for reading! I enjoy writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it! Look out for Chapter 10!**

 **Thanks to a thoughtful individual and their review, I'm going to discuss the issue with Sheik's gender here. You may have noticed some inconsistencies with pronouns when discussing Sheik. Yes. This is done on purpose. But I'll leave it to your imaginations as to why.**


	10. The Loose Ends That Caught Up

**Hello, everyone. Not died yet!**

 **Sorry for vanishing for a while. To be honest, I didn't know how to do this chapter. So I struggled with it for a long time, then lost interest. But now, I'm back! Ish. This chapter is shorter than the others, but I didn't really want to drag anything it. Anyways, sorry for the wait, enjoy!**

* * *

 **Papa Ganondorf**

Lesson 10: The Loose Ends That Caught Up

Sheik, Ganondorf, and Zelda walked down the cobblestone streets of Darunia, seeking a place to rest their heads for the night before the sun went down. It was getting dangerously close to night, and because it was apparently the off season for the major sporting events that occurred here in town, many of the potential inns were closed. Very few people and Gorons alike were wandering the streets at this time. Ganondorf took no time to gawk at the large, dangerous-looking demi-humans, but Zelda couldn't keep her eyes off of them each time they passed. A particularly large Goron lumbered by them, and Zelda reached up and took Ganondorf's hand, as if seeking protection.

Ganondorf was too worried about his own safety to notice, glaring at Sheik's back. "Where are we going? I don't see any inns available, and we are bloody tired…"

"Calm down," Sheik retorted, pointing ahead of him. "There is an inn that I know will be open down this way."

"Wonderful," Ganondorf snorted, before noticing that Zelda was holding into his hand. But he was too tired to fight back. She was a persistent little bugger.

It had been a long day as well. Trekking across a foreign land with a bunch of strangers was no easy task. Hiding his identity and trying to secretly plan behind Sheik's back also took it out of him. He was tired of sleeping on the ground too; he was looking forward to resting in a real bed for the night.

Even Sheik was feeling the exhaustion start to set in. He really hadn't slept much in the past few days. The luxury of sleeping was trivial to saving the princess's life. No one trusted him and his kind, and in return he trusted no one; such thoughts kept a person up at night. Sheik was starting to understand that Ganondorf's inability to just let the princess go was simply out of spite. The young prince looked uncomfortable out of the desert, albeit occasionally fascinated at times. But there was no reason, as far as he knew, for Ganondorf to stick around now that the princess was back with her people.

Unless….

Sheik narrowed his eyes at the thought he had. He prevented himself from glancing back at Ganondorf, not wanting to stir up any suspicion. The Gerudo prince seemed like a fool, but maybe it was the other way around?

Perhaps…

He stopped short when they arrived at an older building. Unlike most of the town, it was made from a dark, aging wood. It was narrow, about two stories, with a sign over the entrance that claimed it to be an inn specifically for humans. A smaller sign hung from a post that read, "Hot bath- free of charge!" It looked to be older than time itself. It was a marvel that it hadn't fallen to termites long ago, but it will do.

That sounded wonderful to Ganondorf. He stifled a yawn. "Is this the inn then?"

"Yup," Sheik verified, turning around. "I know the owner, so we should be able to stay free…. Where's the princess?"

Within the short time that Ganondorf had noticed Zelda grasping his fingers and arriving at the inn, Zelda had vanished without a trace. Both boys spun around to see if they could see her anywhere close by, but she was nowhere to be seen.

It was clear to Sheik now that Ganondorf was absolutely an idiot. "Are you kidding me?!" Sheik gasped, immediately reaching for Ganondorf's collar. Like lightening, he snatched up the fabric and brought Ganondorf close to his face. Ganondorf could practically hear the Sheikah barring his teeth. "You lost her…. Again?!" This had happened back at the tavern in Rauru; Sheik couldn't believe they were going through this once more.

Ganondorf let out a nasty growl. "Me?! Aren't you supposed to be the super trained, deadly ninja warrior? How in the world can you let a little shrimp slip away so easily?!"

"What? Wasn't she holding your hand?!"

"It's not like I enjoy it!" Ganondorf snapped.

A few merchants and a Goron who happened to be walking by paused when they saw a commotion happening. Realizing that they were making a scene, Sheik clicked his tongue and pulled Ganondorf into an alley, away from prying eyes.

"I just don't get it," Sheik growled, pushing Ganondorf away from him. "Just stay here, I'll find her."

The prince snorted. "As if."

Sheik placed his hands on his hips. "Excuse me?"

"You have no right to order me around," Ganondorf hissed. He adjusted his collar, then jabbed a finger in Sheik's direction. "I am royalty! I am a prince, and one day I'll be king! And I'll be damned if I let a lapdog like yourself just go find the princess yourself and leave me to rot here in this dark, creepy alley."

Even with his face covered, Sheik looked flabbergasted at Ganondorf's words. He stared down the Gerudo in silence, wondering if he should just kill him. After all, the princess wasn't here to tell him no, and he could just lie to her when he finds her, saying Ganondorf left. It would save the world trouble in the future if Ganondorf was gone… Yes, he could just do that, right here, right now.

Wait….

The princess was gone. That was more important right now than killing this spawn of evil. He didn't have time for this fight. However, there was one smart thing the prince did say. As long as Sheik found Zelda first…. Then he could abandon this deadbeat here and now.

Ganondorf could see realization flicker in Sheik's eyes, and he too got the idea. If HE found the princess first….

Without another word, the two idiots bolted out of the alley and rushed off in different directions, determined to win this scavenger hunt first and rid themselves of each other as soon as possible.

History tends to repeat itself.

* * *

The sun was going down quickly. There was only an hour of sunlight left, and wherever the princess had gone she had moved quickly. Ganondorf sprinted pasted many crevices and dark corners that Zelda may have hid herself in, but she still eluded him.

Tiny, midget legs, and somehow she could move faster than any animal. How do children have so much stored energy?

After nearly ten minutes of searching, Ganondorf quickly realized that he was now completely lost in the town he had never been to before, surrounded by people who hated his kind. He slowed down to jog, then to a walk, before halting at an intersection. He peered down the other streets from his location, but there was no tiny princess in sight.

Groaning, Ganondorf dragged his feet over to a fountain that wasn't running and sat at its edge. A Hylian merchant scurried by, but there was no one else in this area. As far as Ganondorf could tell, he was alone.

He leaned back and rested his hands behind him, taking the chance to stare up at the darkening sky. A few clouds sat high above him, but they remained still. The air was heavy with moisture; it felt sticky and weird. The desert may be hot, but it was at least dry.

What the hell was he doing here? He had asked this to himself before, but now that he had a moment to think he was letting himself do so. He could be looking for the princess, but he suspected that Zelda wouldn't let Sheik leave without her 'Papa', so Ganondorf could take his sweet time. As much as he wanted to get rid of Sheik, he had to remind himself that he still needed him. That is, if he wanted to ransom Zelda back to the army.

But… Why? Was Ganondorf really doing this just for a small amount of wealth? He supposed he could get a fortune off the little girl, but the money sort of felt… empty. It didn't feel worth all this agony and stress, handing over Zelda for a handful of rupees.

Was it to make his mothers proud of him? Hmmm… No, that couldn't be it. This adventure he was on wouldn't make them proud. If he had thought so before, then he had been foolish. There was no way they would be happy to hear that Ganondorf just handed over their worst enemy back to her people.

So… why? What the heck was driving him to leave the desert and stick around the shrimp?

Ganondorf rubbed the back of his head as he grimaced. "Urg…. None of this makes sense."

What… did he want?

* * *

Sheik was not as calm about finding Zelda as Ganondorf was. He was in full on panic mode, his mind racing through all the scenarios that ended with Zelda dead… or worse. Because Sheik knew that there was indeed worse than death. Especially for Zelda.

While Ganondorf got himself lost, Sheik knew Darunia fairly well. Although he hasn't made a lot of trips here in his life, he has made enough to remember many of the important streets, and a few of the more secretive ones.

Sheik had always felt a bit more comfortable around Gorons. The Gorons have always had a strong alliance with the Hylians, dating back thousands upon thousands of years. It was said that the friendship between the two races goes farther back than the Kingdom of Hyrule itself, and Sheik didn't doubt it. This kinship extended to his race as well. While many Hylians in modern days were suspicious of the Sheikah, the Gorons remain good friends with them.

So it goes without saying that Sheik has always felt at ease in Darunia.

Sheik grinded to a halt near some storefronts, panting. It wasn't too far from where they had lost Zelda, and Sheik was hoping that perhaps the sight of toys would have caught her attention. But she wasn't standing anywhere close to the toy store, which was closed for the day. Nor was she in front of the fruit stand either.

He twisted around to begin running again. This wasn't like losing the princess in a tavern, where she was still trapped inside a tiny space. She was wandering about a good sized town, and Sheik worried that the longer she wandered around alone, the sooner someone undesirable would spot her and….

Sheik did not falter. He must find her first. And try to leave that good-for-nothing prince behind.

* * *

After a few minutes of contemplating his life, Ganondorf decided it was time to get back onto his feet. He gave a small stretch before hopping off the fountain. "Now, where would that shrimp be?" he asked himself, rubbing his chin in thought. He looked back and forth towards the unfamiliar streets before grimacing. "And where am I?"

What a day this was turning out to be.

Just as he was about to just pick a street and go for it, Ganondorf heard a bizarre sound. He paused for a moment to listen closely, wondering what it could be.

Whatever it was, it was getting louder. It sounded hollow and sharp, as something hard and heavy met with stone. It was a slow, steady rhythm, and after a few minutes Ganondorf realized that it was the sound of a horse.

Oh good! Perhaps someone who could help him get back to the inn! Or at least out of this place. Whoever it was, they were coming towards the prince, so Ganondorf stayed in place to intercept them and ask for directions.

Soon, a rider came around the corner, he and his steed slowly making their way down the street. Ganondorf gave them a short wave to get their attention, but as they approached him something felt… off. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something kind of familia-

He instantly froze. Wait a minute, that horse… It was from Rauru. There was no mistaking it. Ganondorf has grown up his whole life around horses; he knew how to tell them apart. This horse in particular had a distinctive marking on its chest, and now that it had gotten closer it was quite clear now.

Ganondorf found himself looking up at the face of someone quite familiar. Someone who he thought that he would be rid of by now… But now making his third appearance in his life.

The scarred knight looked down at him, an angry glint in his eye. "Hello there… Gerudo Prince."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this crazy short chapter. I like to think of it as a half of a chapter, rather than a full chapter. But I cut out a lot of crap I had initially planned, and ended up with this. This is sort of my way of trying to get back into writing.**

 **Anyways, hope you are looking forward to Chapter 11: An Ally A Day Would Keep The Traitors Away**


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